anon7245
Member
- Jun 8, 2024
- 17
Its been roughly 9 months since I got broken up with by my first love, and all 9 months I've been going through immense emotional turmoil, to the point of thinking the best logical choice was to ctb. But i found a new partner. Completely unexpected, she liked me the moment she saw me and I guess a part of me did too. We've been dating for less than two weeks but it's been great, I'm more honest about all my dark secrets than I've ever been with someone, we've had sex almost everyday since we started dating, seen each other everyday and can't wait to see each other more. But of course there's this lingering feeling one has to have which is, when does this end? To put it in reference she is very beautiful, out of my league entirely. And I struggle with self esteem due to the weight gain I received from my break up (over 50 pounds, was down 20 but the relationship caused me to gain 5 pounds since we're going out to dinner so often) and I know my weight is the biggest thing holding me back from being labeled "decently attractive". I'm planning on losing weight because I want to look my best with this person. But my life is just at the point that a relationship is both a blessing and a curse. I'm really happy right now, and look forward to the future. But a part of me thinks I should just be alone, work on myself with nobody else around so that I can properly exist in said future. I don't think my partner would willingly hold me back but I think their presence will do so, and in turn they'll resent me for it. I don't wanna lose this person because I can't be who I'm meant to be, but idk if they'll stick around anyways. Do I really break up with this person who I fell for hard (as of right now she's definitely much more in love with me than I am towards her) to work on myself (physically, and career/education wise) or do I attempt to juggle both, go through financial struggles going to school, and not going out on dates because I want to lose weight and those sorts of things. I feel like I'll make her miserable which is an awful decision on my end. I know in the future when I obtain these things we would be perfect together, and even right now we both make each other happy even if I'm at my lowest, but how long will she really stick around? Idk. I need help on deciding what's in my best interest, and hers I suppose. I'm finally happy, and know I'll be even happier in the future. But there's gonna be a risk of complete devastation, I could be overthinking (I've mentioned this and she says she's willing to be with me through all my problems but naturally one has to be skeptical, especially since she barely knows me outside of all my secrets I've dumped onto her)
