Venting I have an oversharing problem

[ma0]

Well now I've gone and done it, haven't I? It's always when I want to keep something a secret that I go and tell everyone I know, and for what? Attention? Well yes, I do just want attention. I'm a fucking attention slut.

Now I've gone and told people that I have a SaSu account, and I tried my hardest to frame it as if it were just a joke but when you drop your username it's kind of hard to present it as that. Thankfully, the people that do know are physically incapable of taking shit seriously. Apparently for some people, hearing that your friend has an account on a website called "Sanctioned Suicide" just doesn't connect as a concern worth treating with sensitivity. Good for me though. I have to say, being talked down to with that goddamn patronizing "Are you okay?" makes me want to break a bunch of glass and my hand in the process.

The following are things I wanted to keep a secret that I leaked while doing my "epic funny joke hahahaha look at me i have mental issues and i like attention" shtick:

I have a severe porn addiction
I have a SaSu account
I have a WPD account
I SH
My literal fucking CTB method

Why is my brain like this? Why do I always feel the need to be out of pocket concerning just for some looks? Worst bit is that nobody seems to actually care.

Can anyone relate?

 

[resurgence]

damn you told them everything huh

crazy no one cares, im sorry
all thats offered to you is some fake "are you okay?" so if you off yourself they can say at least they asked

 

[Pluto]

 

[whalesounds]

I relate so hard, connection has felt like the cap to my life at times. I have such an intense desire to, I guess, melt into everyone else. However, what actually happens is that I become a selfish attention slut. I have admitted horrible, not even true, things to the people around me who I care about. Why'd I do it? Dopamine. I wanted dopamine. I say its for connection, but the thrill of connecting with somebody in such a taboo way is a pure dopaminergic impulse. I have quite literally done all of those things, I also had a p addiction, WPD acc, SH, and have talked in detail about the date, location, and method I would use as if it were some art piece. Hell, I even told my brother about SN just to be an edgelord. People care, desperate people sympathize, but a group of a few people usually wont care about the edgelord bits and overt attention seeking. "What could I possibly do, leave it up to the doctors and shut up, you don't give me anything I want." A while ago, at parties, I'd show off my SH scars, play with the homeowner's firearms or weapons, and connect with people I find disgusting over sexually natured topics. I've made up half-lies about myself of a deranged sexual nature for attention. I wanted people to know I am absolutely not ok. That I need all of the attention they can give me, like I am some sort of succubus. I am desperate and the weight of my desperation threatens to collapse the ceiling at times. But I am willing to give them the attention, too. I am delusional about the degree of my emptiness, and I cannot connect deep enough to the world to justify not falling off. I want to earn their attention, I want to steal it, I want to take it from them if needed. I will do whatever artistic, philosophical, political performance I need to get as many eyes on me as humanly possible. I truly want to connect with them as mutually as possible too, with every fiber of my being. I don't see why else an artist would build themselves up or generate a body of work. Why a mother would have a child. A sick benevolence can be found here. I am some sort of horrible pervert of a non-sexual nature. Luckily, I continuously find myself surrounded by at least some people who value pure unbridled authenticity and connection.

So, other sluts.

So long as I survive, the need to ask for so much will taper endlessly until I burn out.

Jokes aside, when I was normal, the misery I felt from not having a network of honest, supportive friends, despite my willingness to give to them, landed me in dangerous places. Their apathy is the most frustrating thing I will ever spend time meditating on. I still possess these qualities, but the impulses have become more boring, which is what they all are to everybody else anyways. Strange and boring. You can waste time getting away with it for a while too if you're hot. Dopaminergic impulses tend to be, by a desperate irony, above all, boring. I believe it is because it is a pathetic reaction to boredom, and nobody wants to give boredom the light of day, which makes the reaction to it seem weak. They've all seen the show before. You have to show them parts they rightfully care about, but haven't seen. Desperate people probably are more deserving of normative love and connection, but it trends away as a byproduct of them trying to inject silence into harmful noise.

 

[Neptunette]

I can relate to some extent! I think I lack deep connection in my life, so I desperately long for someone who will listen, understand and care about my struggles. I will blurt out something personal to someone that I am not that close to, just because I dont have anyone to rant to? Maybe its because you bottle things up, and don't have anyone to have a long conversation with? I guess wanting attention is very human. It's just unfortunate that we try receiving it through negativity.

 

[ma0]

I can relate to some extent! I think I lack deep connection in my life, so I desperately long for someone who will listen, understand and care about my struggles. I will blurt out something personal to someone that I am not that close to, just because I dont have anyone to rant to? Maybe its because you bottle things up, and don't have anyone to have a long conversation with? I guess wanting attention is very human. It's just unfortunate that we try receiving it through negativity.

I think bottling it is very much a factor for me. Maybe it's a balancing act for me, where if I randomly blurt out some fucked up shit of mine, I can feel like I have people to talk to, without anyone actually understanding its extent and getting too personal.

 

[jellymomo]

Maybe you're just lonely as well. You should invest in journaling i'm sure that would help

 

[ma0]

Maybe you're just lonely as well. You should invest in journaling i'm sure that would help

I tried journaling a few years ago. Wrote some shit in the first few days then completely forgot about it and abandoned it.

 

[Vivir_O_No]

Well now I've gone and done it, haven't I? It's always when I want to keep something a secret that I go and tell everyone I know, and for what? Attention? Well yes, I do just want attention. I'm a fucking attention slut.

Now I've gone and told people that I have a SaSu account, and I tried my hardest to frame it as if it were just a joke but when you drop your username it's kind of hard to present it as that. Thankfully, the people that do know are physically incapable of taking shit seriously. Apparently for some people, hearing that your friend has an account on a website called "Sanctioned Suicide" just doesn't connect as a concern worth treating with sensitivity. Good for me though. I have to say, being talked down to with that goddamn patronizing "Are you okay?" makes me want to break a bunch of glass and my hand in the process.

The following are things I wanted to keep a secret that I leaked while doing my "epic funny joke hahahaha look at me i have mental issues and i like attention" shtick:

I have a severe porn addiction
I have a SaSu account
I have a WPD account
I SH
My literal fucking CTB method

Why is my brain like this? Why do I always feel the need to be out of pocket concerning just for some looks? Worst bit is that nobody seems to actually care.

Can anyone relate?

Yeah, I do relate. I always want validation from others. I think that for me this problem stems from my daddy and mommy issues. Growing up I never had like that sort of validation from both of my parents. Now that I have gained awareness of this problem I'm trying to heal it.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I remembered my first times oversharing and it never leaves you...
If you ever need a oversharing friend, we can do so together as I like myself being an open book but not too much as I am reserved introvert by nature, but I do not mind if we talk things, as most people overshare, yet they judge you if you aren't... Well, them and that shit sucks more
But I can most definitely say, be cautious of how you feel if you do overshare, as people vibes just makes you aware they aren't forth sharing and equally oversharing can be a power tool of itself of dogging the truth and questions, as well, from my experience, as people can forget, and if you do state stuff, like with me being suicidal in the past, and sharing my insecurities and my interests to people, just pretend things are okay and make them feel like their crazy instead... :'))
It sometimes does helf lol

 

[Kibby]

Oversharing is a selfish relief at least for me. It's done nothing but make people not bother with me. I want to say I'm done with it. Hopefully I am but I am a yapper at heart .

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

Well now I've gone and done it, haven't I? It's always when I want to keep something a secret that I go and tell everyone I know, and for what? Attention? Well yes, I do just want attention. I'm a fucking attention slut.

Now I've gone and told people that I have a SaSu account, and I tried my hardest to frame it as if it were just a joke but when you drop your username it's kind of hard to present it as that. Thankfully, the people that do know are physically incapable of taking shit seriously. Apparently for some people, hearing that your friend has an account on a website called "Sanctioned Suicide" just doesn't connect as a concern worth treating with sensitivity. Good for me though. I have to say, being talked down to with that goddamn patronizing "Are you okay?" makes me want to break a bunch of glass and my hand in the process.

The following are things I wanted to keep a secret that I leaked while doing my "epic funny joke hahahaha look at me i have mental issues and i like attention" shtick:

I have a severe porn addiction
I have a SaSu account
I have a WPD account
I SH
My literal fucking CTB method

Why is my brain like this? Why do I always feel the need to be out of pocket concerning just for some looks? Worst bit is that nobody seems to actually care.

Can anyone relate?

I can relate. you need to learn that people can use this information against you.

 

[ma0]

I can relate. you need to learn that people can use this information against you.

They very well could, but from what I've seen it mostly just goes in one ear and out the next.

 

[whalesounds]

I tried journaling a few years ago. Wrote some shit in the first few days then completely forgot about it and abandoned it.

Honestly, journaling helped me out a lot. It took me months to actually start doing it regularly, and the style is usually radically different from how others journal. First I had to develop the need to do it, but putting confusion or ideas to something physical like the notes app of my phone is stimulating and soothing. It almost feels like the weight off of my chest that I want from connecting with others due to the control I'm exercising over the topics. It eventually stops being embarrassing or stupid for most people I've known to do it. idk highly recommend

 

[human909]

I can relate to this, my fucking brain can't keep my mouth shut. It may not be as severe as yours but i tell them some of my secrets like how i have SaSu account and go on the dark web to find stuff so i can ctb with. I fucking hate that i do this, but what shocks even more to me is how they do nothing but it makes me feel relief since i don't have to worry about them telling anyone else and they getting mad at me.

 

[NonEssential]

I have a severe porn addiction
I have a SaSu account
I have a WPD account

I ain't gonna tell anyone whether I relate to one or all of these haha

 

[loneloser]

I used to have a similar issue until I realized no one gives a shit about me anymore so I just keep everything to my head now.