I have a chance to CTB today.

[cosmicsoleil]

I live with my sister, but today she's at our dad's house. All day. And my rope is arriving in the next hour or so.

I have a chance to do it, but I'm scared of it not working properly. Or someone finding me somehow and saving me.

But I feel like today is the perfect chance to do it.

 

[Gone soon]

Good luck for whatever you decide to do. You are not alone

 

[emoplugg]

good luck, i hope you find the peace you desire. full or partial if you dont mind me asking?

 

[cosmicsoleil]

Good luck for whatever you decide to do. You are not alone

Thank you, you're so kind

good luck, i hope you find the peace you desire. full or partial if you dont mind me asking?

partial - I'm really tall and I don't have a spot big enough for full

 

[Gone soon]

Thank you, you're so kind

partial - I'm really tall and I don't have a spot big enough for full

You're welcome. If you need someone to talk until it's time, feel free to write. I know this is a difficult time

 

[cosmicsoleil]

It's like… I don't want to die. Not really. I want to live. But I'm fucking bored of this life. I've been depressed since I was 12/13, and I'm now 26. I do believe it can get better, but for me, there's no evidence of that.
Instead, I've become more disabled. I can't work and I live off benefits, I'm effectively a burden on society.
I contribute nothing. All I do is sit at home after walking my dogs and get high. This isn't a fucking life.
No professionals care. They think because my issues are long term and chronic that I'm a waste of space. And they're right.
Im so sad that it's come to this.

 

[Themogger]

It's like… I don't want to die. Not really. I want to live. But I'm fucking bored of this life. I've been depressed since I was 12/13, and I'm now 26. I do believe it can get better, but for me, there's no evidence of that.
Instead, I've become more disabled. I can't work and I live off benefits, I'm effectively a burden on society.
I contribute nothing. All I do is sit at home after walking my dogs and get high. This isn't a fucking life.
No professionals care. They think because my issues are long term and chronic that I'm a waste of space. And they're right.
Im so sad that it's come to this.

If there's life, there's hope. There's a chance. But whatever path you chose regardless, I hope you have no regrets

 

[cosmicsoleil]

If there's life, there's hope. There's a chance. But whatever path you chose regardless, I hope you have no regrets

I wish I could believe that. I've suffered too much to believe it. I wish things were different, but I think I've known for a while that this is what my life would come to

 

[Themogger]

I wish I could believe that. I've suffered too much to believe it. I wish things were different, but I think I've known for a while that this is what my life would come to

Weirdly enough I can relate to you. I am currently living with my sister though I don't have an opening in sight. I've been sleeping all day and night, practically wasting my life. Just trying to buy time for months. I think I started March/April and now it's almost September. But I can't keep postponing. Im already buying sn and once I get an opening I'll go for it. I wonder if everything in my life has just been leading to this moment, what a waste. Once again, goodluck to you

 

[cosmicsoleil]

Weirdly enough I can relate to you. I am currently living with my sister though I don't have an opening in sight. I've been sleeping all day and night, practically wasting my life. Just trying to buy time for months. I think I started March/April and now it's almost September. But I can't keep postponing. Im already buying sn and once I get an opening I'll go for it. I wonder if everything in my life has just been leading to this moment, what a waste. Once again, goodluck to you

thank you, I really appreciate it
My rope is now being delivered between 1:30 and 3:30pm. For fucks same. I just want to get this over with.

I have a strong urge to get high. So strong I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from taking drugs, but I'm worried I'll stop caring about killing myself and won't then go through with it
i hate life man

 

[SVEN]

I've got no advice, just genuine best wishes for whatever course of action you decide to go with. Good luck.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

Wishing you luck. You'll need it.

 

[cosmicsoleil]

fuuuuck im not leaving today I don't think. ended up taking drugs and now im high as fuck and super chilled out. had some takeout and now im chilling with my dogs

I wish I could be high all the time cos then I wouldn't be suicidal, very rarely get suicidal when im high. but I have an appointment with the drugs team next week to go onto methadone as a substitute which is gonna turn me into a fuckin zombie like last time and im probs gonna go back to being suicidal. so maybe I'll CTB next week.

but for now im chill and happy

 

[Gone soon]

That's OK. Don't rush it, if you're not ready. Remember, you've got friends here that are on your side

 

[SVEN]

Kickback and just mellow out, m8.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you all the best.

 

[Steff1337]

Whatever path you choose, I wish you nothing but eternal freedom from pain and suffering.

 

[buoy]

It's like… I don't want to die. Not really. I want to live. But I'm fucking bored of this life. I've been depressed since I was 12/13, and I'm now 26. I do believe it can get better, but for me, there's no evidence of that.
Instead, I've become more disabled. I can't work and I live off benefits, I'm effectively a burden on society.
I contribute nothing. All I do is sit at home after walking my dogs and get high. This isn't a fucking life.
No professionals care. They think because my issues are long term and chronic that I'm a waste of space. And they're right.
Im so sad that it's come to this.

I really hear you, friend. It's not enough to have hope whenever you're looking around and being honest with yourself. Shit sucks and it's not your fault. That doesn't fix anything but I hope you know that YOURE not the burden. It's the people that make life increasingly hard to live that are the burdens. If you pick something and dove in both feet, I know that you'd find the value in yourself and really realize that you're not a burden. I'm having a hard time with this so don't use it as ammunition against yourself. If you want to dm and shoot the shit, just reach out
I heard this phrase from this website and I really appreciate it. I've tested my method, I know it works, it'll always be there for me. I've prepared equally for life or death. It's really helped me