I have 1 month left

[Schaf]

My previous SN was taken from me, well, I bought another.
It is going to arrive only at the end of the month.
I am planning to just live my normal everyday life until then. I'll just skip class and exercise bc there's not much point on that, work? Sure. Since it's my 6th attempt I don't need to be that obvious.

Maybe something can change withing February, I don't really think it is.

But anyway I'll spend the free time gaming, I can't think of much else, I was always a planner but everything seems worthless even regarding that. No notes, why would why even? No last goodbyes (they all know their chat with me could be the last, anyways). No post mortem wishes. No last wishes before I go. I think I'll just work and play in the end.

again things can change

But I want to know, would you do the same? Add something else? I know it sounds pretty boring but it wouldn't be myself if it were something like "omg party hard" lmao

 

[sorlox]

Yeah, i'm doing pretty much the same. I've also been drinking a lot since last week. I have no one to party with and no place to go in outside. So i'm just listening to music, playing games, and getting myself drunk. I have 3 days left.

 

[Argo]

So there's this clear unhappiness around having to "get through the day", right? All of that really just relates to wanting and not wanting. The main want here seems to be access to the method. It's all about waiting and waiting and checking the tracking number to see if it got updated, if it's any closer, and knowing that the hours will have to tick by excruciatingly painfully until the method arrives and then you can breathe a sigh of relief, is that mostly it?"

The solution to that is to take a deep breath and just accept that this will happen in time. It has already happened, in a sense. Tomorrow is just an illusion of experience as is the past. You already have your method, so just close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and rest that knowledge and notice what happens to that clawing, grating feeling that you had prior to writing this post, once you fully acknowledge that the method is already yours. The day where you make whatever decisions you make, are already yours, there's nothing really to wait for, regardless of how it feels.

 

[Schaf]

Yeah, i'm doing pretty much the same. I've also been drinking a lot since last week. I have no one to party with and no place to go in outside. So i'm just listening to music, playing games, and getting myself drunk. I have 3 days left.

Well if you want to chat my DM is open, I feel the same

So there's this clear unhappiness around having to "get through the day", right? All of that really just relates to wanting and not wanting. The main want here seems to be access to the method. It's all about waiting and waiting and checking the tracking number to see if it got updated, if it's any closer, and knowing that the hours will have to tick by excruciatingly painfully until the method arrives and then you can breathe a sigh of relief, is that mostly it?"

The solution to that is to take a deep breath and just accept that this will happen in time. It has already happened, in a sense. Tomorrow is just an illusion of experience as is the past. You already have your method, so just close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and rest that knowledge and notice what happens to that clawing, grating feeling that you had prior to writing this post, once you fully acknowledge that the method is already yours. The day where you make whatever decisions you make, are already yours, there's nothing really to wait for, regardless of how it feels.

Thank you :) I've made peace of ctb years ago already. I always said it's up to me. If the end of the month comes and for some reason I decide to not, it's still up to me. Still I'll be able to at least have my resources. The peace with dying... well that I already have.

I was just kind of unsure about what to do in the meantime, last time arrived so fast, now I have this gap wherein having to keep being abused mentally by my housemates. I have no other place to go, even abroad. So yeah one hella change would have to happen

At least as I said the peace has been made, and even if I don't success or don't try it at all, my way to go will still be the same no matter how many years passes, it's my choice and I refuse to listen to pro life mumbles.