I'm am architecture major and for this term we're in studios of 15 doing 1 major project as a group. No one really likes me in my class, or at least, don't care to know me. Not part of anyone's lives. I keep getting sidelined. The group chat is on iMessage and I have an android phone so I literally cannot be added. No one really tells me anything. Our professor is quite aloof, but very demanding. Basically said if you don't care about this you shouldn't be her. I do not care about this. At all. I don't care about anything. Everything is boring and nothing matters. I don't want to do all this work for shit I do not care about. I don't really have means that are lethal, I could only really try to OD on benzos and alcohol which I know probably won't work, it would just make me have to drop my classes and I'd have to graduate an entire year late. no point in that. I wish I had better means. I miss living in a city with tall buildings. I miss tall buildings. I wish I didn't have to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to do anything. I have to work on this fucking class all through the weekend. It is so stupid that my anxiety makes it that I feel like I can't kill myself because I might not get an A. What is the point of that. I want to turn all of brain off all at once. For fucks sake.
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