I hate this time of year

[Captive of Mind]

Through the Holidays, it seems like everyone's family pulls close together. You could sense that people are getting excited for all of their traditions and gift giving. Even within friend groups, you could see them share in this experience with each other.

My family didn't celebrate Holidays. My immediate family is disconnected and my extended family is basically non existent in my life. Any friends I used to have don't care much for me anymore. This time of year reminds me of how alone I am more than any other time. It leaves me with a pit in my stomach when I hear a Christmas jingle or see Holiday related things.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[Lastsauce]

Does anyone else feel this way?

For more than 15 years.

 

[Symbiote]

Nothing like waking up as a kid on Christmas Day, being told to hand out gifts to your family members, and hoping somewhere in there, someone got you something. While everyone enjoys their gifts and you're left wondering where's yours, and the feeling dawns on you again, "Are you stupid, why would you think they ever get you anything...". You go outside, the neighborhood kids got all their gifts and they ask, "Where's yours?" and you lie, "it's inside, what you get?" You make up little lies so that people don't feel sorry for you or make you think that you're a bad kid.

My uncle got me a bike when I was 5, I enjoyed it for a whole day. The next day, my mom sold it for drug money. Doesn't matter if its holidays or birthdays, I don't ask for anything or expect anything. I am surprised when someone gets me something though.

 

[Captive of Mind]

For more than 15 years.

With every passing year, it just gets more sad.

 

[sadworld]

Nothing like waking up as a kid on Christmas Day, being told to hand out gifts to your family members, and hoping somewhere in there, someone got you something. While everyone enjoys their gifts and you're left wondering where's yours, and the feeling dawns on you again, "Are you stupid, why would you think they ever get you anything...". You go outside, the neighborhood kids got all their gifts and they ask, "Where's yours?" and you lie, "it's inside, what you get?" You make up little lies so that people don't feel sorry for you or make you think that you're a bad kid.

My uncle got me a bike when I was 5, I enjoyed it for a whole day. The next day, my mom sold it for drug money. Doesn't matter if its holidays or birthdays, I don't ask for anything or expect anything. I am surprised when someone gets me something though.

This is such a sad story, I'm sorry This reminded me of my days back in school, every christams we did this thing where everyone had to buy presents for another student but there was one year were a student got nothing, so I shared some of my presents with her. That was a long time ago... and it was literally the only nice thing I did in my life lol but I never got anything good back from life... Faking hapiness for christmas sucks to be honest. Luckily I don't have to meet many people.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Nothing like waking up as a kid on Christmas Day, being told to hand out gifts to your family members, and hoping somewhere in there, someone got you something. While everyone enjoys their gifts and you're left wondering where's yours, and the feeling dawns on you again, "Are you stupid, why would you think they ever get you anything...". You go outside, the neighborhood kids got all their gifts and they ask, "Where's yours?" and you lie, "it's inside, what you get?" You make up little lies so that people don't feel sorry for you or make you think that you're a bad kid.

My uncle got me a bike when I was 5, I enjoyed it for a whole day. The next day, my mom sold it for drug money. Doesn't matter if its holidays or birthdays, I don't ask for anything or expect anything. I am surprised when someone gets me something though.

Oh, what the heck! This sounds terrible. Why would they get everyone else gifts and leave you out? That's a good way to screw a kid up in the head. I'm really sorry to hear this..

 

[bov]

Hang in there you guys.

 

[awfullife]

It's been like this for 2 years now...i dont think I could make it 15 years..

 

[Symbiote]

Oh, what the heck! This sounds terrible. Why would they get everyone else gifts and leave you out? That's a good way to screw a kid up in the head. I'm really sorry to hear this..

It's alright, I was already screwed up in the head to begin with.

 

[greebo6]

There are many of us who hate this time of year , myself included. I can very much relate to what you have said.
I'm sorry its this way for you too.
All I can offer is my sympathy and understanding.
But for what ,if anything ,its worth I send it.

 

[lonerclown666]

I hate all the fake happiness of holidays too the rest of the year people treat me bad so why i will treat them well for one day?

 

[Jblack]

I felt just like that for the past 20 years. I have come to dislike all the holiday hoopla. Commercials on tv leave me feeling like I am the one who is the odd man out. After all, families always forgive and forget at the holidays and sit down to a great meal.

 

[Bigpink]

I love the compassion and understanding here. I feel more belonging and kinship here than anywhere else. Growing up my folks didn't do Xmas so always felt I was missing out. This time of year can highlight things to an agonising degree.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Hang in there you guys.

This might be the wrong phrase for someone who wants to die

This is such a sad story, I'm sorry This reminded me of my days back in school, every christams we did this thing where everyone had to buy presents for another student but there was one year were a student got nothing, so I shared some of my presents with her. That was a long time ago... and it was literally the only nice thing I did in my life lol but I never got anything good back from life... Faking hapiness for christmas sucks to be honest. Luckily I don't have to meet many people.

That was very kind of you. I'm sure you made that girl feel much better. She would have been pretty sad otherwise.

It's been like this for 2 years now...i dont think I could make it 15 years..

Life has a way of crushing everyone's soul if you stay here long enough

 

[_Kaira_]

Used to love it as a kid, as holidays were my only 'break' from the normal BS that went on in my life.
Truly they were the only real 'happiest' times of the year for me.

Now...they're just like any other day for me. Only lonelier and significantly more alienating.

 

[bov]

This

No, I think suicidal people should do their best to avoid CTB for the next few weeks. This time of year is too dark, too painful—but it's only a few weeks. If you can make it to January, you can make a more clear-headed decision.

 

[Captive of Mind]

No, I think suicidal people should do their best to avoid CTB for the next few weeks. This time of year is too dark, too painful—but it's only a few weeks. If you can make it to January, you can make a more clear-headed decision.

Ohh shit! I could see why that sounded wrong. I meant "hang" in there is not the right phrase to say to the suicidal. I was joking though.

I also agree that if someone is suicidal, they should wait several months at least to see if it goes away.