Venting I hate the fact that my parents love me.

[doggiesarecute]

Sometimes I wish I had a shitty childhood or something, cause that would give me a reason to go. I hate to think about what will happen after my CTB attempt, my parents and grandparents probably will loose their minds. I don't have any visible signs of suicidal behaviour. My attempt would totally look like it's out of nowhere

 

[whywere]

Not to ever take anything away from you, your situation or your thread, but I was called "the mistake" by my "parents" till I was 18 then they kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, 100% their choice. Also, they brainwashed my sister and brother and no one in my "family" has spoken to me since 1974.

I found out recently that I have a niece that moved into my area, never knew I had one, found her phone number and I was told to f*ck off and never bother her again.

So, with that said I would so ever long to have a family. All the time that I was growing up my "parents" called me "the mistake" to my face and all the time in public.

I care about you a lot and send you hugs and have a good week.

Walter

 

[Felodese]

Depression doesn't discriminate. No need to have a traumatic childhood. You can get depression of the blue - and suicidality as a bonus.

 

[doggiesarecute]

I found out recently that I have a niece that moved into my area, never knew I had one, found her phone number and I was told to f*ck off and never bother her again.

Damn any idea why? Did your parents shittalked about you or something?

 

[divinemistress36]

I get what you mean it would make it easier to ctb if they didn't. Don't get me wrong we are lucky to have a loving family but it doesn't take away the pain of life

 

[Ambivalent1]

I had a bad childhood and don't want to have to ctb. You insult me jk lol

 

[onbekend]

It sucks when you know you have people who care about you, That feeling of guilt is hard to overcome. The worst part about it is that there's no real way to lose that feeling of guilt that works for everybody, because It's all dependent on what's happened throughout your life. I don't feel guilt nearly as bad as I used to at the thought of suicide, I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's just from the way I reflected on my life or the way I treated others throughout my life, I'm sure I'll feel plenty of guilt when the time comes to actually CTB.

 

[uncat_]

Not to ever take anything away from you, your situation or your thread, but I was called "the mistake" by my "parents" till I was 18 then they kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, 100% their choice. Also, they brainwashed my sister and brother and no one in my "family" has spoken to me since 1974.

I found out recently that I have a niece that moved into my area, never knew I had one, found her phone number and I was told to f*ck off and never bother her again.

So, with that said I would so ever long to have a family. All the time that I was growing up my "parents" called me "the mistake" to my face and all the time in public.

I care about you a lot and send you hugs and have a good week.

Walter

yeah, exactly. im so jealous of you. you have a good reason do want to cbt, and not many reasons to guilt you into staying. itd feel so much more freeing to be able to cbt without guilt

 

[whywere]

Sometimes I wish I had a shitty childhood or something, cause that would give me a reason to go. I hate to think about what will happen after my CTB attempt, my parents and grandparents probably will loose their minds. I don't have any visible signs of suicidal behaviour. My attempt would totally look like it's out of nowhere

My "parents" wanted a boy and a girl, and they were to be their family. They had a son the first time around. The 2nd time I arrived, and they were pissed that I was not female. They wanted to leave me at the hospital. but back in 1956, it would have made them "look really bad" to abandon a newborn so I went home. 4 years later my younger sister arrived. They treated me very poorly and taught my 2 siblings that I was dirt and to stay away from me.

When I got kicked out at 18, I had a bag of clothes and no money at all. Being raised on a working dairy farm, I never got an allowance, nor could I work off the farm for any money. The only money I ever made is when I would hunt rattlesnakes for bounty and get paid by the county where I lived, Still remember those 10-to-14-foot snakes coiling, brings back memories all the time.

When my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash, my older brother got 4 million USD and I got ZERO. When there was a funeral for the both of them, I was told by my 2 siblings to stay away and do NOT show up.

My sister taught my niece that I am dirt and to stay away and no contact.

I have not seen either of my siblings in a very long time.

No pity party ever, but when I say I did everything on my own and picked myself up by my bootstraps, I really did.

I have NEVER EVER been given anything that I myself did not work for.

That is why all the folks here are so darn nice and thoughtful, like YOU!

Have a great week, my good friend.

Walter