I hate that I failed ctb in February I wish to do it now but there are problems.

[rizzpi]

I honestly do not know how to start this. But I will start by saying that I have a BF who is 2 years older than me, and he has treated me like shit. He doesn't really care about me as much as I care about him. He is constantly looking at other girls we know of, and I don't know if he's cheating on me. I have tried to bring it up with him before but all he does is fake cry and make me feel like a piece of shit. I have dealt with this for 4 years trying to come up with a fucking solution. I can't just leave him he said he would kill me or any other man I end up seeing or am with. He also is constantly wanting to have intimate stuff (i don't think I can say it ) and when it is given to him it isn't very enjoyable to me, I just don't like intimate stuff in general and I have tried to explain that on multiple occasions. this all leads up to some day in February where I attempted to CTB for the 3rd time in my life, I remember holding my shotgun to my face. I remember trying to pull the trigger but all I did was cry and cry. Wondering why I didn't do it... I have thought of a plan for weeks where I go up to the mountains saying I went to go see my friends and do it there. But a part of me wants to make it work with him. I have tried to tell him how I feel but he yells at me saying "I don't want to hear you. " or he strangles me or hits me... I honestly wish I wasn't so fucking lonely. Because all I wanted was to be with a guy who would genuinely love me. And I want actual advice I can't go to the cops because I have called them so many times on other issues and they told me to stop calling or I would get in trouble.


Does anyone have advice I'm at a loss.

And I think I am safe right now because I know he doesn't have a account on this site so if anyone can give me advice that doesn't involve going to cops it would be appreciated.


And if I feel like this still I'll probably come back.... I need some kind of outlet.

 

[YEAR2050]

he is mentally and physically abusing u. leave him. dont try to make it work, because it wont. he will always try to control u, and when he doesnt get his way, he hits u. he sounds gross and in my opinion u should get as far away from him as possible. keep something to protect urself. pepperspray, knife, anything.

 

[ctb-soon]

I would really suggest talking to people at a woman's shelter. They have a good idea and experience with abusive partners. They won't call the cops unless you request it.

 

[Huntfish34]

Wow , Fckk.... Sorry to hear all of this, and that I don't really have any advice other than Leave this sick lowlife fckn dickhead and/ or call the authorities... I'm sorry they haven't listened to you in the past, and told you to quit contacting them . What an Insanely sick and sad state of affairs we all live in today, makes me wanna puke my guts out.

You said you have a shotgun.... Maybe you could Possibly use that for protection? If he really tries to hurt / kill ya. Idk... just my. 02.

Thoughts and prayers to you always, You certainly deserve better. - Godspeed. ♥

 

[alonely]

i've been there. get out. find a safe place to go and report him and make sure you are safe away from him. there are organizations that can help. my DMs are open if you want to talk to someone who has been in your situation and gotten out, i'd try to help as best i can with any plans to leave and be safe.

even if you decide to ctb, it should be your own decision, not his, and you shouldn't have to suffer being abused in the meantime.

i know how hard it is to leave when you're being abused. especially if you feel like he is the only one you have. realize it's not your fault, it is never the victim's fault.

hugs

 

[020x]

what you just explained is literally abuse. he's basically raping you. literally and figuratively. leave him, get someone to defend you, and call police immediately if he threatens you. you need to escape him, not life.

 

[rizzpi]

what you just explained is literally abuse. he's basically raping you. literally and figuratively. leave him, get someone to defend you, and call police immediately if he threatens you. you need to escape him, not life.

Honestly, I wasn't even thinking of it as rape. But one time I made a post on reddit asking for help and I got told I was a psycho for even questioning it and the worst part is he knows all my reddit accounts. The scariest thing I can think of is if he hurts someone who could be keeping me safe. I don't want that but that is probably the best thing to do.

he is mentally and physically abusing u. leave him. dont try to make it work, because it wont. he will always try to control u, and when he doesnt get his way, he hits u. he sounds gross and in my opinion u should get as far away from him as possible. keep something to protect urself. pepperspray, knife, anything.

I know for a fact I wont be able to get my hand on pepper spray but I know I can get a knife thank you.

Wow , Fckk.... Sorry to hear all of this, and that I don't really have any advice other than Leave this sick lowlife fckn dickhead and/ or call the authorities... I'm sorry they haven't listened to you in the past, and told you to quit contacting them . What an Insanely sick and sad state of affairs we all live in today, makes me wanna puke my guts out.

You said you have a shotgun.... Maybe you could Possibly use that for protection? If he really tries to hurt / kill ya. Idk... just my. 02.

Thoughts and prayers to you always, You certainly deserve better. - Godspeed. ♥

I know its ridiculous they told me that "it doesn't happen to them." But why can it happen to me? And thank you very much ill try my best and live maybe ill do a update if I get out but, in the meantime, I might just be making posts on here.

i've been there. get out. find a safe place to go and report him and make sure you are safe away from him. there are organizations that can help. my DMs are open if you want to talk to someone who has been in your situation and gotten out, i'd try to help as best i can with any plans to leave and be safe.

even if you decide to ctb, it should be your own decision, not his, and you shouldn't have to suffer being abused in the meantime.

i know how hard it is to leave when you're being abused. especially if you feel like he is the only one you have. realize it's not your fault, it is never the victim's fault.

hugs

Thank you so much but I think ill be more worried messaging people. I dont want him to see the thing im doing on here is posting and deleting my history just in case. Ill try an update every now and then if people wanna know how I am. but ill try my best to hold off on the ctb thoughts for a while unless it gets bad. and hugs