Venting I HATE sleeping alone; I can't wait to die! Please somebody talk to me :(

[Crushed_Innocence]

I've been sleeping alone almost my enitre life. Im so sick of it. The empty bed at the end of each miserable day is the prime reminder of my failure in this life. I HATE IT HERE. No one to get excited about. No deep connections or friends. I thought I could wait MONTHS before I ctb. Im sick of this shit. Im so unhappy. I cant do anything about it.. FUCK these judgemental motherfuckers who want to throw the "Choice" shit in my face. Free Will is a myth. If I could have chosen to have a good meaningful life, I would not be here. I feel trapped. Like a cornered animal foaming at the mouth. Sit in the house all day. No one to laugh with. Just on the computer scavaging for scraps to keep me from doing something stupid. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to show I can be generous & kind even at my end. Thete is no way I can wait that long. For the legal stuff to go through. How can I manage that long to ctb? Im so desperate. I cant even pull of my motherfucking METHOD IN THIS GOD DAMNED BROKEN LEG!!! ughhh.. WWWHHHYYYYYYYY....?

I wish someone would break into my house and just kill me. Where are all those crazy ass stories you hear on the news when you need them? Sigh.

Ive got to get through this being trapped in the house. Omg, I dont know how disabled people do it. I could NEVER live in a fucking wheelchair or anything where I could not move freely. This is nuts. Maybe I just need to learn how to play video games or something cause. The isolation & immobility might cause me to do something crazy. I want to exit the right way. On my terms. I have no clue how to do 4-6 weeks being barely able to use the fucking toilet.
Fuck resilience.
I really need to talk to somebody. :(

 

[tehdisturbedone]

I've been sleeping alone almost my enitre life. Im so sick of it. The empty bed at the end of each miserable day is the prime reminder of my failure in this life. I HATE IT HERE. No one to get excited about. No deep connections or friends. I thought I could wait MONTHS before I ctb. Im sick of this shit. Im so unhappy. I cant do anything about it.. FUCK these judgemental motherfuckers who want to throw the "Choice" shit in my face. Free Will is a myth. If I could have chosen to have a good meaningful life, I would not be here. I feel trapped. Like a cornered animal foaming at the mouth. Sit in the house all day. No one to laugh with. Just on the computer scavaging for scraps to keep me from doing something stupid. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to show I can be generous & kind even at my end. Thete is no way I can wait that long. For the legal stuff to go through. How can I manage that long to ctb? Im so desperate. I cant even pull of my motherfucking METHOD IN THIS GOD DAMNED BROKEN LEG!!! ughhh.. WWWHHHYYYYYYYY....?

I wish someone would break into my house and just kill me. Where are all those crazy ass stories you hear on the news when you need them? Sigh.

Ive got to get through this being trapped in the house. Omg, I dont know how disabled people do it. I could NEVER live in a fucking wheelchair or anything where I could not move freely. This is nuts. Maybe I just need to learn how to play video games or something cause. The isolation & immobility might cause me to do something crazy. I want to exit the right way. On my terms. I have no clue how to do 4-6 weeks being barely able to use the fucking toilet.
Fuck resilience.
I really need to talk to somebody. :(

There's definitely an innate human want to cuddle or sleep together. I can't say I've experienced that on a really intimate level, but I guess owning a dog is a close as I'll ever get.

If you don't mind me asking, how you break your leg?

 

[BPD_LE]

PM'ed you x

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

There's definitely an innate human want to cuddle or sleep together. I can't say I've experienced that on a really intimate level, but I guess owning a dog is a close as I'll ever get.

If you don't mind me asking, how you break your leg?

Rollerblading accident

 

[tehdisturbedone]

Rollerblading accident

So how does the other guy look? I assume you flying kicked someone in the face?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

So how does the other guy look? I assume you flying kicked someone in the face?

Nope. This was all me. Just made a bad turn, fell and cracked my ancklebone.... just a really shitty crash... I was the only onjury of course...lol

 

[RealLostSoul]

Exactly my words.

 

[morningdew]

sorry to hear you have an injury that makes life more difficult. It does help taking to someone. I was mostly bedridden for two years and was lucky to get a text or two a week from family. After awhile the emotional pain of feeling abandon kinda became the worse part. Hard to find a way to cope when physically and emotionally drained

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

sorry to hear you have an injury that makes life more difficult. It does help taking to someone. I was mostly bedridden for two years and was lucky to get a text or two a week from family. After awhile the emotional pain of feeling abandon kinda became the worse part. Hard to find a way to cope when physically and emotionally drained

Yup. That feeling and REALITY of living as abandoned. But hey, this is a dog eat dog cruel world and if i can just make it a little longer. . Ill be free of suffering. I cant wait. Why were you bedridden for 2 years? How did you do it? Where u able to move on your own at all?

 

[Haku]

I am not on the forum as much as I was a few days ago and beyond, but I am here for you, you can pm me anytime you want, I may not answer right away, but I will answer, especially if it's you ❤, and if you lived in California, I would love to visit with you, and hang out. You mentioned video games, I would teach you how to play if that is what you wanted, but yea, depending when you decide to ctb, if you go after December, I plan to ctb within the year and possibly visiting a few different states before my final destination, if you wanted to, I could visit you before I ctb, I Invision you as an amazing person to meet. But yea, if you ever want to talk to me, I'll be there for you, you can tell me whatever you feel like, I'm all eyes, so pm away.

 

[hatelife]

I am not on the forum as much as I was a few days ago and beyond, but I am here for you, you can pm me anytime you want, I may not answer right away, but I will answer, especially if it's you ❤, and if you lived in California, I would love to visit with you, and hang out. You mentioned video games, I would teach you how to play if that is what you wanted, but yea, depending when you decide to ctb, if you go after December, I plan to ctb within the year and possibly visiting a few different states before my final destination, if you wanted to, I could visit you before I ctb, I Invision you as an amazing person to meet. But yea, if you ever want to talk to me, I'll be there for you, you can tell me whatever you feel like, I'm all eyes, so pm away.

how old are you?

 

[Haku]

how old are you?

I'm 27, and you?

 

[hatelife]

I'm 27, and you?

31 but I live in Sweden sadly, shame ppl on here cant form like groups that we all can get together and have a coffee or something likeminded ppl

 

[Haku]

I

31 but I live in Sweden sadly, shame ppl on here cant form like groups that we all can get together and have a coffee or something likeminded ppl

I agree, hell, if I had the money, I would've liked to visit Sweden, unfortunately I dont, so I'm only limited to going places within the US

 

[Darkhaven]

Sleeping alone? That's a blessing!
I don't get how people can share a bed with another person for, sometimes, like 30 or more years. You can't even spread you body how you want and all that "respecting the other's space" thingy is just unbearable to me.
Haha

 

[morningdew]

Yup. That feeling and REALITY of living as abandoned. But hey, this is a dog eat dog cruel world and if i can just make it a little longer. . Ill be free of suffering. I cant wait. Why were you bedridden for 2 years? How did you do it? Where u able to move on your own at all?

I was perscribed cipro for a "possible" ear infection. No warning from the doctor that this class (fluoroquinolone) of antibiotics is very dangerous. It has killed some, left other crippled and many more with just enough life left to exist. I had no idea an antibiotic could do such long term harm. I was healthy, active and enjoying life 4 years ago.

I was able to get out of bed, walk slowly to the shower, then lay on the couch for the day. Then shower and lay in bed. Knowing your body and organs are deteriorating and no one knows what to do is a scary experience. My girlfriend at the time helped and my sister came to visit when she could. It was hard for both of them and eventually my gf had to go live her life. I reach an extended period of no joy. Doctors of course were no help, people didn't understand and it just kept getting worse. Now its been 4 years and too many health issue to name. Really just don't see any reason to live.

Here is one of the stories on youtube.

 

[LastFlowers]

There's definitely an innate human want to cuddle or sleep together. I can't say I've experienced that on a really intimate level, but I guess owning a dog is a close as I'll ever get.

If you don't mind me asking, how you break your leg?

I feel bad for people who want that and don't have it but I guess I don't quite understand it.
I am glad to be the only one in my bed, I don't want anyone near me, especially when I'm trying to sleep.
Even my cats annoy me sometimes, being on the bed.
I couldn't imagine not sleeping alone every night, unless it was a special occasion and there weren't enough beds and family had to share or something, or sleepovers when I was younger.
I've never even understood the concept of couples who share a bedroom, nevermind a bed every single night. People need their own space to be an individual. At least that's the way I see it.

 

[hatelife]

I too like being alone at times I miss someone, wish I had too someone in my bed, to cuddle and to massage me

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

how old are you?

40

Sleeping alone? That's a blessing!
I don't get how people can share a bed with another person for, sometimes, like 30 or more years. You can't even spread you body how you want and all that "respecting the other's space" thingy is just unbearable to me.
Haha

Lololololol....

 

[I’vehadenough]

You can pm me. I feel the same way. Fuck this life

 

[tehdisturbedone]

I feel bad for people who want that and don't have it but I guess I don't quite understand it.
I am glad to be the only one in my bed, I don't want anyone near me, especially when I'm trying to sleep.
Even my cats annoy me sometimes, being on the bed.
I couldn't imagine not sleeping alone every night, unless it was a special occasion and there weren't enough beds and family had to share or something, or sleepovers when I was younger.
I've never even understood the concept of couples who share a bedroom, nevermind a bed every single night. People need their own space to be an individual. At least that's the way I see it.

As humans we all lust over qualities and objects that aren't easily attainable for us.

I feel you on that level though, loneliness can be comforting sometimes.

 

[lymbo]

I've been sleeping alone almost my enitre life. Im so sick of it. The empty bed at the end of each miserable day is the prime reminder of my failure in this life. I HATE IT HERE. No one to get excited about. No deep connections or friends. I thought I could wait MONTHS before I ctb. Im sick of this shit. Im so unhappy. I cant do anything about it.. FUCK these judgemental motherfuckers who want to throw the "Choice" shit in my face. Free Will is a myth. If I could have chosen to have a good meaningful life, I would not be here. I feel trapped. Like a cornered animal foaming at the mouth. Sit in the house all day. No one to laugh with. Just on the computer scavaging for scraps to keep me from doing something stupid. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to show I can be generous & kind even at my end. Thete is no way I can wait that long. For the legal stuff to go through. How can I manage that long to ctb? Im so desperate. I cant even pull of my motherfucking METHOD IN THIS GOD DAMNED BROKEN LEG!!! ughhh.. WWWHHHYYYYYYYY....?

I wish someone would break into my house and just kill me. Where are all those crazy ass stories you hear on the news when you need them? Sigh.

Ive got to get through this being trapped in the house. Omg, I dont know how disabled people do it. I could NEVER live in a fucking wheelchair or anything where I could not move freely. This is nuts. Maybe I just need to learn how to play video games or something cause. The isolation & immobility might cause me to do something crazy. I want to exit the right way. On my terms. I have no clue how to do 4-6 weeks being barely able to use the fucking toilet.
Fuck resilience.
I really need to talk to somebody. :(

pm me

 

[GreyClouds]

Hello, you don't know me but I just want to reach out and say I feel for you I know what it's like being cooped up in a room unable to move or do much, I can only imagine how it is making you feel worse and contributes to overthinking. If you ever would like someone to talk too I am here! Try to do things distracting perhaps watch a new fun and interesting tv show?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I was perscribed cipro for a "possible" ear infection. No warning from the doctor that this class (fluoroquinolone) of antibiotics is very dangerous. It has killed some, left other crippled and many more with just enough life left to exist. I had no idea an antibiotic could do such long term harm. I was healthy, active and enjoying life 4 years ago.

I was able to get out of bed, walk slowly to the shower, then lay on the couch for the day. Then shower and lay in bed. Knowing your body and organs are deteriorating and no one knows what to do is a scary experience. My girlfriend at the time helped and my sister came to visit when she could. It was hard for both of them and eventually my gf had to go live her life. I reach an extended period of no joy. Doctors of course were no help, people didn't understand and it just kept getting worse. Now its been 4 years and too many health issue to name. Really just don't see any reason to live.

Here is one of the stories on youtube.

OMG..this is horrible. Im so fucking sorry hun. See we are all innocent victims of time and chance. What do you plan to do? IS there any hope of a cure. Are you going to stick it out or are you planning?

 

[Sweet emotion]

Sweetie I'm here. I had to go to a doctor before and it took all damn day. I know exactly how you're feeling. 14 years of confinement has driven me crazy with depression. I know what it feels like to be caged. I wrote yesterday I feel like a lion who wants to roam free in the jungle but someone has put me in a cage and now every time I see someone go to attack them. I understand fully. We aren't meant to live this way. There's this quote by a writer named Tennessee Williams and it says......a prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages. If I could get a tattoo that's what I'd want written on my arm because it's something I think about a lot. I know you want out by now. And since we all have bad luck you broke your ankle. I know you want friends and to have a house full of people laughing and a guy to go to bed with st night and make you feel wonderful and safe. We are very similar you and I. I want all those things too but because of my illness I can't have them. Life can be disgusting.

 

[I’vehadenough]

Sweetie I'm here. I had to go to a doctor before and it took all damn day. I know exactly how you're feeling. 14 years of confinement has driven me crazy with depression. I know what it feels like to be caged. I wrote yesterday I feel like a lion who wants to roam free in the jungle but someone has put me in a cage and now every time I see someone go to attack them. I understand fully. We aren't meant to live this way. There's this quote by a writer named Tennessee Williams and it says......a prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages. If I could get a tattoo that's what I'd want written on my arm because it's something I think about a lot. I know you want out by now. And since we all have bad luck you broke your ankle. I know you want friends and to have a house full of people laughing and a guy to go to bed with st night and make you feel wonderful and safe. We are very similar you and I. I want all those things too but because of my illness I can't have them. Life can be disgusting.

Me too hun. Exact same. There's also a quote by Truman Capote "it's easy to ignore the rain when you're wearing a raincoat" that's how I feel about these pro-lifers

 

[Sweet emotion]

Me too hun. Exact same. There's also a quote by Truman Capote "it's easy to ignore the rain when you're wearing a raincoat" that's how I feel about these pro-lifers

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

Me too hun. Exact same. There's also a quote by Truman Capote "it's easy to ignore the rain when you're wearing a raincoat" that's how I feel about these pro-lifers

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

Me too hun. Exact same. There's also a quote by Truman Capote "it's easy to ignore the rain when you're wearing a raincoat" that's how I feel about these pro-lifers

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

Sorry I just went to send you a message and my spell check spelled everything wrong. Haha don't want you to think I can't out two words together.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

That's a good quote. Yeah the pro lifers make me sick. Unless you're walking around in my shoes don't tell me I don't want to die. I hate when people say that. And I'm not crazy one bit. It irks me that people think you have to be crazy to want to die.

Sorry I just went to send you a message and my spell check spelled everything wrong. Haha don't want you to think I can't out two words together.

Again....spell check went wrong... PUT two words together.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Im so sick of it.

me 2. decades. no end. we're reminded nobody owes us anything. just have to suffer 'til end i guess.

 

[Mr2005]

I can't sleep with anyone else in the bed. Guess I should be thankful someone wants to though

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

me 2. decades. no end. we're reminded nobody owes us anything. just have to suffer 'til end i guess.

Yes. The reason I feel so confident about CTB after a few months of being on the edge and afrad is when I fully accpeted that : NO ONE OWES US SHIT> And Im okay with that.