I hate seeing other people do well

[lostmilo]

I know this sounds selfish. But everytime I open up to my friends about everything they always have some positive comeback and even though they have told me about how they are struggling too and it comforts me in the moment knowing that im not alone I soon realise that our suffering is no where near the same. It's not like I want to see them do badly its just that i can tell that they don't fully understand because they have never reached their lowest like this before and that they still have alot of goo things in their life to hold on to. I can't help but feel jealous. Sometimes I can't tell if I just dont try hard enough of if I'm just really unlucky. I can't go even one full year without attempting it's actually pathetic. If the rest of life is just going to be like this then truly what is the point. Maybe I was just made to die by suicide.

 

[derpyderpins]

"Don't compare yourself to others" is really difficult advice because others are all we really have to compare to, in terms of trying to gauge what outcomes in life we should reasonably expect or strive towards.

Over time, you can start to feel good for people when they do well, but I think that initial doubt and envy is very natural. It's part of our weakness. You learn to control it loooong before you can get rid of it.

I've spent many, many hours thinking about if I should have tried harder. No advice or insight, but know that other people wonder about that, too. I'd say you should be a bit easier on yourself, but I don't know you so I get that it doesn't mean much.

 

[lostmilo]

"Don't compare yourself to others" is really difficult advice because others are all we really have to compare to, in terms of trying to gauge what outcomes in life we should reasonably expect or strive towards.

Over time, you can start to feel good for people when they do well, but I think that initial doubt and envy is very natural. It's part of our weakness. You learn to control it loooong before you can get rid of it.

I've spent many, many hours thinking about if I should have tried harder. No advice or insight, but know that other people wonder about that, too. I'd say you should be a bit easier on yourself, but I don't know you so I get that it doesn't mean much.

I only feel good for others doing well if it's in a way that I could never possibly achieve anyway

I feel like I'm living vicariously through people because i really don't know exactly what I want in life so when I see other succeed in something I just want what they have even if something that I've never put any thought into before.

 

[derpyderpins]

I only feel good for others doing well if it's in a way that I could never possibly achieve anyway

I feel like I'm living vicariously through people because i really don't know exactly what I want in life so when I see other succeed in something I just want what they have even if something that I've never put any thought into before.

That makes sense, too, I think. It's not the specific thing they're succeeding in, but it's that they have direction, whereas you aren't even sure which way to go.

What do you like in life? I'm throwing this out there, and I think you should think a good bit rather than just answering.

Rather than "I like music," "I like football," "I like chemistry," maybe really think about moment to moment feelings: "I like the way my heart lifts when an emotional song reaches its climax" - now you don't necessarily have to be a musician, but you've identified that your body reacts to feeling and emotion in a meaningful way; "I like seeing my skill improve over time"; "I like quaint, quiet alone time where I can just think." These types of "likes" might help you understand not necessarily what you want to do in the most concrete sense, but what you want to try and have more of in your life.

 

[anopenwound]

I know this sounds selfish. But everytime I open up to my friends about everything they always have some positive comeback and even though they have told me about how they are struggling too and it comforts me in the moment knowing that im not alone I soon realise that our suffering is no where near the same. It's not like I want to see them do badly its just that i can tell that they don't fully understand because they have never reached their lowest like this before and that they still have alot of goo things in their life to hold on to. I can't help but feel jealous. Sometimes I can't tell if I just dont try hard enough of if I'm just really unlucky. I can't go even one full year without attempting it's actually pathetic. If the rest of life is just going to be like this then truly what is the point. Maybe I was just made to die by suicide.

I feel you. I'm mostly jealous of the emotions they seem to get out of life - I just don't. They tell me about how happy and in love they are and I smile as if I know how that feels. I don't. Just in the same way they can't imagine how deep this pain is I have no idea how convincing happiness is when it comes to staying alive. I don't wanna be alive. I'm tired of pain.