Venting I hate myself

[Rustysoupcan]

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I act, I hate just about everything. I'll never live a good life, I dont feel its possible for me. I'm at the best I'll ever be and its so shitty. I wish dying didnt have to hurt other people. I hope that after my departure my parents will understand and forgive me.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Yeah self loathing is a terrible feeling. Worst is the self sabotage because you don't feel worthy of pursuing anything. I don't think there is anything to forgive. Your parents might find it hard to understand but eventually they will accept that you are gone.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel the same. I'm the personification of trash.

 

[ENDOFTIME]

Yep - where I live you can leave directions for disposal of your ashes and by law no one can change it unless the disposal method is illegal. I've directed my ashes to be placed in the city landfill (dump) where I belong forever.

 

[Beeper]

I hate myself and all the poor decisions I have made over the years.

Looking back on things, I did try to lead a decent life at times. But I could never cope well with stress and I self-medicated with weed and alcohol most of the time.

It wasn't until my early 30's that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. That helped explain some of my issues, but I had (and still have) such a difficult time accepting the diagnosis. It's just another reason for despising my existence.

I am sober now, but nothing seems to be getting better in my life. The same patterns seem to be repeating themselves. I feel that I will ultimately become another suicide statistic.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be painful having so much self hatred. Life is just so horrible. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I plan to write a note to try and make those left behind understand why I have done this, maybe it would give them some closure. Anyway, I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.