I hate myself

[awen]

I want to cry every day, I don't want to come back home. I don't want to deal with my family problems every single day. The moment I start to isolate myself my mother changes her tone and asks me what I'm doing on my phone. I hate how paranoid she is even though I am one of the reasons to ruin her mentality. And how my older brother laughs it off. I mean I love my family more than anything, they are the only ones that I care and I get that I'm not very likable, I'm quieter and don't like sharing my problems as much. But I hate not being able to defend myself. I'm sick of hearing "Are you on your phone again" when I'm under my blanket holding my cheeks trying not to cry. I wouldn't say I like anything, particularly in life, and seeing the only ones who possibly can like me, treat me like this makes me want to cry. I hate myself for not explaining myself well enough. I hate myself for hurting even though I have such a great family. I just hate myself. Just now I was scolded for not eating anything today. But I hate myself. I don't know. I just hate being like this and not doing anything about it.

 

[kråkevind]

That is horrible to hear and I'm sorry that you're going through so much pain. I am quiet around people, too and I don't think that's a bad thing. I understand not wanting to share problems with others. I feel like I'm a burden already and the last thing I want to do is make others loathe me even more.

 

[awen]

@kråkevind I know that feeling. They already suffer enough and I don't want to make them think about my problems but then I get labeled as secretive.

 

[kråkevind]

I don't understand people that get mad at you because they thought you were on your phone. It's not like you were out in the streets up to no good. You seem like you are a caring person and what's not to like about that.