Venting I hate my mom, she is so unable to actually regret what she did to me, I hate myself

[tabris_075]

I feel like dying, I hate her so much, I wished she would at least say sorry to me, but she is not sorry at all, it never mattered to her. I hope I can leave my body at her bed, I hope she will finally notice my existence then, a corpse of her kid laying by her side, she will know what she had done and I hope she will feel at least a bit sorry. I hate myself, I can't see her feeling even slightly bad for it because deep down I think she is right and that I'm useless piece of shit that should simply die. I hope I die

 

[GroundControl]

It sounds like our moms are alike. I feel the same way about mine. You aren't alone. I'm sorry she treats you this way.

 

[Meteora]

If she is like my mother she won't even notice she might have done something wrong once your hanging from the ceiling.

 

[Kit1]

I am so sorry that you have all had abusive mothers. For some reason, it feels more painful when it is the mother who is the abuser.

Tabris_075, I just wanted to say something to you. It is unacceptable, unforgivable unkind, cruel and dishonest for your mother to make you feel like you "are a useless piece of shit who should simply die". You have clearly been abused by the person who was supposed to love you, nurture you, keep you safe and give you the self confidence to go out and explore the world knowing that there is a place of physical and psychological safety (mum/family) to come back to - clearly this has been denied to you and unsurprisingly, you have taken on the persona that your mother has reflected on you. That is not your fault in any way. Just because she hated you, it doesn't mean that you should hate yourself - unfortunately we end up carrying the scars created on us by our caregivers and others around us and it is a difficult struggle to rewrite our DNA on how we feel about ourselves, our place in this world etc. But we hopefully can with the right support (which feels impossible to get or to work out).

I just want you to know that I care and so do the others who have replied to you. There are many of us with this shared pain and betrayal and none of us deserved this. We don't hate you whoever you are - you are a stranger to me and I to you. But there is a mutual comradeship built through the suffering. Please try and remember that you deserve to be loved. Please excuse my ramble.

 

[rozeske]

It seems like we all have common mothers. I think sometimes they do realize they f*kd up and they can't change the past and instead of feeling bad and apologizing (which does little to nothing) order to protect themselves from regrate they will resolve to ignorance, denial and blaming other circumstances including their child for their wrong doings. Or they will outright tell you to be more grateful because raising you wasn't easy for them.

 

[Doemu]

My mother tried to kill me. Many years ago.
I have no contact, but still i don't forgive and don't forget.

 

[Meteora]

It seems like we all have common mothers. I think sometimes they do realize they f*kd up and they can't change the past and instead of feeling bad and apologizing (which does little to nothing) order to protect themselves from regrate they will resolve to ignorance, denial and blaming other circumstances including their child for their wrong doings. Or they will outright tell you to be more grateful because raising you wasn't easy for them.

yes exactely this. It is narcissitic mothers.
I despise narcissism.