mapleboy
sleepy...
- May 22, 2023
- 83
This shit is so frustrating. I've been receiving outpatient therapy for months at a facility. I have a wonderful therapist there who understands me more than I understand myself. He is so incredibly patient and kind towards me. I enjoy going to that facility every day. But here's the shitty part... I had an extremely bad episode on Tuesday. The staff were grabbing me and trying to hold me down to prevent me from leaving to go home. It was fucking terrifying. I bit one of the staff members holding me three times, and I bit a nurse who was trying to inject me with something. I didn't mean to get violent, I didn't know what was happening and I tried everything to break myself away from all the people holding me down. The staff member I bit three times is so sweet and kind, I feel incredibly guilty for hurting them.
Again, I really didn't mean to hurt anyone, I just wanted to get away. Eventually, my mother arrived to take me home and away from those people. We received a phone call from the facility director later that day, who told us that I would NOT be allowed to receive help from them UNLESS I go into the fucking psych ward for a while. It made me so angry, that was the first episode I've ever had in therapy. Why was I given an ultimatum to be able to continue getting the help I need? The outpatient services I was receiving were helping gradually, and that facility in particular was the only one I actually made progress with.
I have not found anything more helpful in the 13 years I spent in and out of psych wards and cycling through therapists. Yet I'm being forced to go to a psych ward in order to continue treatment there. What kind of bullshit is that? I only caused trouble ONE TIME. It's so fucking unfair. Why am I being treated this way? Why am I being treated like someone who needs to be locked up? I just wanted help.
Again, I really didn't mean to hurt anyone, I just wanted to get away. Eventually, my mother arrived to take me home and away from those people. We received a phone call from the facility director later that day, who told us that I would NOT be allowed to receive help from them UNLESS I go into the fucking psych ward for a while. It made me so angry, that was the first episode I've ever had in therapy. Why was I given an ultimatum to be able to continue getting the help I need? The outpatient services I was receiving were helping gradually, and that facility in particular was the only one I actually made progress with.
I have not found anything more helpful in the 13 years I spent in and out of psych wards and cycling through therapists. Yet I'm being forced to go to a psych ward in order to continue treatment there. What kind of bullshit is that? I only caused trouble ONE TIME. It's so fucking unfair. Why am I being treated this way? Why am I being treated like someone who needs to be locked up? I just wanted help.
