Venting I hate living with High Functioning Autism and just want to CTB.

[UnforgivenAttrition]

My lack of social skills has made people think I am both insane, and a threat. I've been called a "future terrorist" before. People have told me I am too ugly to date, and no one will ever love me. I don't blame them, I don't love myself either. I've replaced genuine relationships with hedonistic pleasures of reaffirmation from strangers that have slowly dwindled on its effect on me.
My life support is alcohol at this point and I know if I were to pass in my sleep, I'd never have to feel these things anymore. I'd be free from my shackles. Why would anyone tell me "lives worth living" if people don't offer any ways to really help you.

 

[pickajack]

Shit, I am so sorry. Those people sound like ignorant assholes. Social interaction is tough for lots of people, even without autism. It sucks that society puts so much emphasis on physical appearance and social ease. Sending you hugs and encouragement.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, those with Autism aren't meant for this awful world, I also have it and I've never wished to exist here. It's horrible but not surprising that humans are so cruel but unfortunately it's just the reality of existing here.

 

[Tobacco]

I'm very sorry. I can't believe people even had the nerve to tell you those things on your face.

In my case people have tried to gaslight me. I've been recently diagnosed with autism. 3 times someone tried to tell me that autism doesn't make you unnatractive even if I've been struggling with dating all my life. Once by my PSYCHOLOGIST, another time by an autistic female and other time by someone in an ANTINATALIST discord server.

I've noticed since I've been having mental health crisis that people will try to make you feel like your problems aren't real instead of helping you grieve what you lack in your life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same here. Welcome to the sad club.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

It's fucked up how people that are obviously autistic get treated with kindness and empathy, but those of us of the more mild persuasion on the spectrum are frowned upon.

I'd rather be full blown so that people could see from the exterior that I'm fucked up.

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry know how autism,lif all awfl me add injury damage this all awfl life awfl species v cruel

 

[WaffleWoman]

As someone also diagnosed with high functioning autism i agree with you here other than 1 friend i had during middle school my entire life has been people thinking im a weirdo or insane because of inability to pick up on social clues. I also just dont from connections with people i barley care about my own mother in a loving way its feels like my brain is not meant for this world.

 

[sheepgirl]

Same. I mask heavily, trauma response has a lot to do with it. But inside my brain it's hell

 

[Why Me?]

I got so many issues, and high functioning autism (undiagnosed) was the foundation of most of them. This world is a jungle full of evil animals called humans, and once they sense your weakness your screwed. Plus all their systems are made for normal people to succeed with, and even normal people have it hard in this world. The cruelty & luck of nature has messed up our lives. At least I didn't bring any children into this evil world, especially any on the autistic spectrum.

 

[asian.neet]

I kinda feel this although most of my issues stem from something else, not autism. I also can't get myself to apply to internships I just play video games all day, this was last year when I was in uni.

All I can say is that I feel whatever you feel

 

[scattymessyhuman]

My lack of social skills has made people think I am both insane, and a threat. I've been called a "future terrorist" before. People have told me I am too ugly to date, and no one will ever love me. I don't blame them, I don't love myself either. I've replaced genuine relationships with hedonistic pleasures of reaffirmation from strangers that have slowly dwindled on its effect on me.
My life support is alcohol at this point and I know if I were to pass in my sleep, I'd never have to feel these things anymore. I'd be free from my shackles. Why would anyone tell me "lives worth living" if people don't offer any ways to really help you.

Fellow autistic here. It really is hell on earth.

 

[Silver]

Same here… I think the hardest thing is struggling with day-to-day things but managing some of them, and because of this people think you're fine because you are able to do something if not everything you need to do… and when you tell them you struggle with stuff it's hard to explain exactly why so all your problems are minimised by people instead.