I hate it to be surrounded by happy people

[noname223]

My dad always tells me you have to go out and meet new people. Today I was at a group meeting of people who try to work despite mental illness. Everybody seems to have a plan, have partners and don't always think about suicide as me. Actually I know I don't really belong there because I cannot work. But I am still trying to work. When I was there I tried to be positive. Don't show my desperation and I succeeded. However I hate to play as if I was happy. People who work have to do this always. This must be so hard. I utterly hate my life. After those events I am even more depressed. But noone acknowledges that. I am so sick of everything I see my suicide coming. It is not the right time for that. However after 9 years of suicidal thoughts I am just so full of it. I never want to leave my room because I am just so ashamed of my existence.

 

[hʚll]

i'm sorry you have to endure that. i'm the same. i hate being surrounded even by myfamily members, let alone other people.. that's why i stay in my room and pretend real life doesn't exist

 

[Versailles]

I'm sorry to hear that, and I understand you
I developed a kind of social phobia because I do not tolerate the mediocrity and superficiality of people and the fact that I am constantly embarrassed as a result of my mental illness.
The fact is, I'm not going to force myself to live a life that I don't want to, knowing that everything will stay the same and everything will probably get worse.
It is stressful to work with these factors on your heels, somehow I have to cope until my time comes

 

[Symbiote]

The fact that you're still trying to work helps because you haven't given up on that prospect yet. People in those groups were probably like you when they first joined and felt unsure about how that group can help them. The group may end up being pointless if they don't accept you with open arms and bring you up with them which is the whole point of a support group. You're still at the first level, while those who've been at it longer who look like they're happy and enjoying life again are at a higher level, you'll get there the longer you stay.

 

[FuneralCry]

People are exhausting to me. I generally feel disconnected from most of them. It is tiring when you feel like you have to act a certain way around others, and hide how you are truly feeling, I get that. I tend to isolate myself as much as possible really.

 

[noname223]

The fact that you're still trying to work helps because you haven't given up on that prospect yet. People in those groups were probably like you when they first joined and felt unsure about how that group can help them. The group may end up being pointless if they don't accept you with open arms and bring you up with them which is the whole point of a support group. You're still at the first level, while those who've been at it longer who look like they're happy and enjoying life again are at a higher level, you'll get there the longer you stay.

These are very kind words. Thank you very much :) But the truth is I am now the longest time from all this people in this group. I have made progress in life quality without a doubt. Even I can say it improved a lot. (But maybe I am soon fucked again). I simply have some issues there are barely answers for like working.

 

[Symbiote]

These are very kind words. Thank you very much :) But the truth is I am now the longest time from all this people in this group. I have made progress in life quality without a doubt. Even I can say it improved a lot. (But maybe I am soon fucked again). I simply have some issues there are barely answers for like working.

The thing is that we're all on different clocks. They may have put in more effort to get better than you. You wouldn't be moving up to a higher level if you didn't put some effort into it. A support group can't carry you on their own. If I was to 100% help you, I expect at least 50% effort from you too. People relapse often, they relapse and it feels like a struggle to get back to that level you were at previously. You learn from that experience or at least gain a perspective from someone in the group that helps you so the relapse doesn't end up being as long as it should.

It's all part of progress.

 

[noname223]

The thing is that we're all on different clocks. They may have put in more effort to get better than you. You wouldn't be moving up to a higher level if you didn't put some effort into it. A support group can't carry you on their own. If I was to 100% help you, I expect at least 50% effort from you too. People relapse often, they relapse and it feels like a struggle to get back to that level you were at previously. You learn from that experience or at least gain a perspective from someone in the group that helps you so the relapse doesn't end up being as long as it should.

It's all part of progress.

I've done insanely work in order to solve one of my main problems (working). I am pretty sure many people would never do this insane hopeless attempts I have done. I really try to get better. 2 Psychologists have given up on me I searched a third one. Psychiatrists in clinics told me there is no medication that you will profit from. We cannot help you with that. I insisted to get a special medication and it worked lol.
I am just prone to be unhappiness and suicidal thoughts. I will have to live with that till I die.

 

[mpnf]

People are exhausting to me. I generally feel disconnected from most of them. It is tiring when you feel like you have to act a certain way around others, and hide how you are truly feeling, I get that. I tend to isolate myself as much as possible really

Same.

 

[motel rooms]