OvercastingClouds
☆ ✧ The Lurker ✧☆
- Jul 5, 2025
- 54
I really hate how sensitive I am. I hate how I get emotional quickly when I get approached and criticized for even the smallest thing. It's so embarrassing having tears fall down my eyes when someone tells me I made a mistake. The most frustrating part is I'm fully aware it's nothing to be upset over! I'm open to criticism and I know it's not a big deal to cry over, yet my body's immediate response is to freeze up and we'll up tears before I can get my thoughts together. It's so pathetic and it makes me feel like a child when I'm not, and I don't want to be questioned or treated differently for it. I want to be normal, I don't want to be soft. I just don't understand why I do this and how to stop it. I wish I just didn't care and don't feel anything. I don't care if it's not healthy, I rather feel nothing than cry in front of other adults and look stupid. I just want to block all my emotions. I hate it so much.
It doesn't help that I have a ton of repressed emotions due to my depression and having no outlet to express them. Like, I literally well up tears whenever I get asked if I'm okay and I have to curse at myself mentally to stop. I hate myself so much. I wish I was better and more confident. I wish I never gotten depressed in the first place. Now I'm spiraling over what to do because of recent conversation with my mom and I can't explain anything because I just have tears in my eyes and can't express my thoughts. It's so frustrating having to deal with this alone then I get questioned for it. God forbid I'm constantly contemplating on suicide so the thought of my future slips my mind.
In the end it's all on me. I really wish I could die in my sleep. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to do anything. I hate that I'm this way, if I could change I would.
It doesn't help that I have a ton of repressed emotions due to my depression and having no outlet to express them. Like, I literally well up tears whenever I get asked if I'm okay and I have to curse at myself mentally to stop. I hate myself so much. I wish I was better and more confident. I wish I never gotten depressed in the first place. Now I'm spiraling over what to do because of recent conversation with my mom and I can't explain anything because I just have tears in my eyes and can't express my thoughts. It's so frustrating having to deal with this alone then I get questioned for it. God forbid I'm constantly contemplating on suicide so the thought of my future slips my mind.
In the end it's all on me. I really wish I could die in my sleep. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to do anything. I hate that I'm this way, if I could change I would.
