I hate how easy it is for everyone else

[PaleSwrdsmn]

I hate how every single one of my "friends" just straight up has it easier, i hate it. Can't even enjoy being around them; college has been a terrible experience and I hate that I fell for "best years of your life" bullshit. Every hangout with my old "friends" is just miserable at best and it makes me fucking sick everytime they talk about their college life, I get so stressed just by being around them that my heart starts to pump as if I just ran a fucking marathon, then I just end up crying my eyes out that same night. Tried to get bangs to cover up the scars on my forehead but it ended up botched af and I tried to forcely rip my hair out with bare hands which obviously didn't fucking help in any way whatsoever. I hate everyone, and I do mean actual hate, I think about it all the time, can't comprehend how I bring myself to these hangout events, they make me sick. Considering SWB as somebody with iron deficiency (not rly, but I faint extremely easily), would a bathtub work? I tried to see if it would work (Hyperventilating for abt 30 seconds, submerging my head in water, then taking it out as soon as I feel like im close to fainting) and it seemed pretty viable, serene to some extent.

 

[oxydd]

it's hard not to feel envy when you feel that you been in the dirt for so long

 

[nyctophilic]

I hate how every single one of my "friends" just straight up has it easier, i hate it. Can't even enjoy being around them; college has been a terrible experience and I hate that I fell for "best years of your life" bullshit. Every hangout with my old "friends" is just miserable at best and it makes me fucking sick everytime they talk about their college life, I get so stressed just by being around them that my heart starts to pump as if I just ran a fucking marathon, then I just end up crying my eyes out that same night. Tried to get bangs to cover up the scars on my forehead but it ended up botched af and I tried to forcely rip my hair out with bare hands which obviously didn't fucking help in any way whatsoever. I hate everyone, and I do mean actual hate, I think about it all the time, can't comprehend how I bring myself to these hangout events, they make me sick. Considering SWB as somebody with iron deficiency (not rly, but I faint extremely easily), would a bathtub work? I tried to see if it would work (Hyperventilating for abt 30 seconds, submerging my head in water, then taking it out as soon as I feel like im close to fainting) and it seemed pretty viable, serene to some extent.

i hope you find peace, i'm sorry. unrelated note, kekht arakh username and i think sadness profile picture is very nice.

 

[Sergeant45]

Sadly I can't help with your last question, but I can tell you that I can relate with everything else that you wrote here.

Envy is a drug of a feeling. Except there's no high, only losing and forgetting yourself in it. It's even worse if it's something you suffer of and/or cannot change.

I am sorry you feel this way fellow user....