First of all... major hugs to you right now.
Secondly, I've experienced a lot of these myself. It can suck when people just say things like "that's not true" because it invalidates your feelings. Sometimes, perception are reality, because feelings are what's important. So I don't want to invalidate your feelings, but perhaps address a few things and put them in a different perspective.
i have no redeeming qualities.
So, this is really quite broad and, when you think about it, very subjective. In most cases, we tend to only see the negative aspects of our being. It's so easy to focus on our shortcomings, our faults. And who defines what qualities are "redeeming" anyway? I saw a beautiful comic about this once. I will try to find it and share it with you.
i'm ugly, i'm fat, my body wouldn't look good even if i worked out
This resonates with me so much. I've struggled with body image issues almost my whole life. Even after losing 50 lbs I thought I still looked like a pig, and then I swung the other way and gained 75 lbs. I don't understand what my husband sees in me. But he does see something. He thinks I'm beautiful. The lesson here? I'm just not my type.
i'm mentally ill, i don't have the will to take care of myself anymore
Have you communicated this with a doctor? A medical regimen can help address some of these feelings and potentially help you manage daily activities more effectively.
i'm not good at anything, my personality can't even save me because i have a PERSONALITY DISORDER
I understand how frustrating this is. I myself don't suffer from a personality disorder, but I've had many students who have borne this struggle. Like I said in the first point, though, you are definitely good at some things; it just easier to focus on the negative. Personalities are subjective as well. Don't assume people can't or won't connect with you.
i'm stupid, i can never finish anything that i start, i can barely perform basic human functions
You did an excellent job of communicating your feelings and struggles to us. I don't think you're stupid at all. I've taught kids from Grade 3 all the way up to graduate students. Based on your writing here, I know you're not stupid. And if you've ever had people in your life tell you that you were stupid, say "fuck you" to them and move on. They're no help to you.
i hate where i'm from and who i'm related to.
Yeah, this tough. I desperately want to move, but I feel stuck. And unfortunately, you can't pick who you're related too. BUT, I find the broader idea of "family" to be comforting. My mom and I immigrated when I was quite young. My "family" then became a network of supportive people not related to me. I have brothers and sisters with whom I share bonds much stronger than blood.
i can't even give off the ILLUSION that i have everything together because i have no confidence whatsoever and people can fucking tell. and since i don't have any confidence, i don't have any desire to improve myself because i know that nothing will change even if i do.
You shared this message with us. You were brave enough to open up yourself to share these feelings, as painful as they might be. I think you're very courageous and exhibit a confidence and desire for change.
i hate it here. i fucking HATE IT HERE. i want to die. i want to die i want to die i want to DIE. how does someone totally fail in every single aspect of life? like how the fuck does that work???
May I ask, where is "here?" And perhaps also how old you are? I'd be careful about calling your life a failure if you're still young. Some missions take time. I get it, though. I feel old, though some people would think I'm young. I think of my life as a failure, even though I know I've accomplished some really good things. Again — so easy to focus on the negative.
the fact that i even lost my virginity is a miracle. can i at least be hot and stupid??? or super ugly but really really smart??? everything about me SUCKS.
I don't know the circumstances surrounding the loss of your virginity, but sex to me is something very intimate, and something I can only do with someone for whom I have the deepest affection. If you made someone feel that way towards you, it means that there are some really special things about you. How can we help you see that?
