I hate everyone that doubts me

[EternalPain]

I want to scream, I want to run around and destroy and smash everything, I want to explode and take this whole planet with me but I can't do anything because there is no energy in me. I feel such rage, I'm so incredibly angry at the world and everyone and myself. I wish everyone would suffer like I do. I want them all to know what pain they allow me to be in.
If I was just helped with CTB it would make everything fine. Why am I expected to go through this if nobody can even imagine this pain, to the point they tell me I'm just unjustified in wanting to die because it's impossible to feel so much pain. Why can't I make them understand? Sometimes it scares me that my suicidal thoughts turn homicidal real quick, but in the end I'd always kill myself over killing another, because I'm not gonna do them the favor and release them from a pain while I still have to feel it.
I feel like everything and everyone is more fucked in the head than I am, not having empathy towards me. So what if it might get better? It's unlikely. That's what a gambler tells himself, just a little bit more then it'll all pay out. But no. Nothing in the world can make up for everything that's lost, and realistically, nothing ever will even get close to it. What's the obsession with making people continue to suffer?
I hate everyone who gets to be happy and still feels entitled to judge me. They might say they understand but unless they've been me, how could they? I don't doubt that there's been people who experienced worse and survived, but at what cost?
There's nothing that'll ever convince me suicide is not the most rational thing. Choosing your death is the most valuable choice you can ever make. If I couldn't choose my start, let me at least choose my end.

 

[The Burning Fool]

There's nothing that'll ever convince me suicide is not the most rational thing.

I agree in the sense that if you assign intrinsic value to non-suffering, safety, peace or truth, then not being alive, or at least not being consciously aware is the best possible scenario. The fact that we are categorically labelled insane and institutionalized for our philosophy is an absolutely oppressive practice that violates one's bodily autonomy. Most cops and doctors can never even hope to lick the sole of my feet from below, that's how much of a God I am, and the bacteria that they are in the field of being reasonable free thinkers.

 

[lack]

I hate everyone who gets to be happy and still feels entitled to judge me

I also feel this way. it makes me so full of resentment and I fear I'm becoming such a jaded, hate-filled person because of it. It feels to me like it's a cycle that's impossible to escape..

i wish we were afforded a dignified death, at our choosing.. i'm so eternally frustrated..!

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so inhumane how people are just expected to suffer endlessly in this hellish and repulsive existence when they wish to cease existing. Suicide will always feel like the most rational thing for me as well as it's the only way to permanently escape from all suffering and harms, one cannot be harmed by non-existence but in existence there will always be unlimited potential to suffer, only death can bring me relief.