qualityOV3Rquantity
Student
- Jul 27, 2024
- 153
Ever since I became chronically ill, my life has been agony. I hate being awake, I hate every waking second. I hate being constantly aware of the pain in my stomach and intestines, I hate that everything I do seems to make it worse. I hate having memories of the past, of knowing there was a time when I didn't have this fucking curse and I could be a normal person and enjoy life. I hate how no one understands how much it hurts. I hate having thoughts going through my head. I hate consciousness, being awake, feeling, thinking, eating, breathing, I hate it all. I hate knowing that I will never get better, and I hate everyone around me who tries to make me stay against my will. I hate you mom and dad, fuck you for making me go through this, I hope you find this account after I'm gone so you know how much pain I was in, because I know you don't believe me when I tell you.
I hate my job, I hate having to get out of bed in the morning knowing that as soon as I take a drink of water, it will cause me real physical pain. I hate that life has totally ceased to be something good, and has just become a torture chamber to be endured until natural death. I am strapped down on a table being fucking tortured every day, and no one can see it except for me. I hate every memory I have of the past, I hate knowing that my life will never be that good again. There is no fucking cure, no hope, no resolution, no respite, there is absolutely nothing left for me except near-constant pain and dysfunction.
Most of all, I hate that it isn't nearly bad enough to make me just fucking end myself already, it will have to get so much worse first, and I have so much more pain to go before it's over.
I hate my job, I hate having to get out of bed in the morning knowing that as soon as I take a drink of water, it will cause me real physical pain. I hate that life has totally ceased to be something good, and has just become a torture chamber to be endured until natural death. I am strapped down on a table being fucking tortured every day, and no one can see it except for me. I hate every memory I have of the past, I hate knowing that my life will never be that good again. There is no fucking cure, no hope, no resolution, no respite, there is absolutely nothing left for me except near-constant pain and dysfunction.
Most of all, I hate that it isn't nearly bad enough to make me just fucking end myself already, it will have to get so much worse first, and I have so much more pain to go before it's over.
