I hate being alive, too. Besides the fact that my existence has only caused harm to those around me, leaving me constantly feeling guilty, I also, don't like existing. All these responsibilities and expectations forced on to me by those around me and society as a whole, responsibilities and expectations that I never asked for, just make me feel stressed out. It doesn't help that I know that I'll never be able to live up to them. I'm so tired of being alive. Constantly having my worth being judged by others, constantly feeling stressed out and guilty, constantly feeling miserable. The only escape I've recently been able to find from all of this is getting stoned, and even those feelings are still there, just not as strong.
I don't want to grow old, I don't want to continue on with university, I don't want to have to get a job, I don't want to have to deal with responsibilities, I don't want to have to live up to any expectations, I don't want to be alive. I wish my parents never gave birth to me.
The worst part is that you cannot say anything about wishing you never existed without others insulting you or asking "why don't you just kill yourself, then", which is funny since it's usually pro-lifers asking this. Why is it that people can go on and on about how they love being alive but the minute someone mentions not liking it they immediately get insulted by others? Not liking existence is just as valid of an opinion as liking it.
I've already tried killing myself several times now, including earlier this year, so at least they can't use that fucking line on me, lol. It's funny how the same people who care so much about suicide preventation and mental illness are same people who will use them to insult others and invalidate their opinions on existence.