Venting I hate being alive

[SantasHelper]

The past 2, nearly 3 weeks have gotten better a bit. Less stress/anxious situations . But I still want to CTB.

I'm accepting the fact that my life isn't always shitty, I'm just depressed. I always was. I was only truly happy for 6 months of my life when I was 17. Now I'm 20, nearly 21, and I hate my life like I always did. Im just depressed, I can't change anything to be happier. I've tried. I've cut people off, isolated myself, put myself out there, try new things, change my diet, still nothing.

Everyday I wake up and im sad to be alive. I always wish someone or something could just take me away, I'm honestly too much of a wuss to do anything for the most part. Very rarely will I get a "idc anymore" mindset but I don't have the tools to CBT.

Im already smoking and I've started drinking. It is what it is. I would rather feel nothing than feel torment everyday of my life. I don't even think starting a new life will help.

Im gonna take a nap now. That's the only time I feel peace, for the most part. Cause sometimes I even cry in my sleep.

 

[Hunter2005]

Me too every morning I wake up wanting to die and praying I die in my sleep but it never happens.

 

[SantasHelper]

Me too every morning I wake up wanting to die and praying I die in my sleep but it never happens.

Me too. I hate feeling this way

 

[FuneralCry]

I also despise being trapped here, it's very much understandable wishing to sleep, I certainly envy those who leave this world as it sounds so ideal being permanently free from existing with everything finally forgotten about. I wish you the best.

 

[cherry7]

Me too every morning I wake up wanting to die and praying I die in my sleep but it never happens.

I wonder why it is those of us who want to be here die but those who yearn to be gone don't. Weird phenomena.