Venting I hate being AFAB

[TheHatedOne]

(AFAB = Assigned Female At Birth)

How do I even begin this... I hate everything about being AFAB. Absolutely everything. I failed at every chance of having a decent life when I was born, bullshit country, bullshit family, bullshit time, but being born biologically female hurt the most of all.

Being AFAB is equal to being always in pain. Something always hurts me. I fucking hate these female organs that I didn't consent to have. If I spend little time in hte cold my ovaries hurt lioke crazy and I have to always pee. Two-three weeks ago I experienced the worst pain ever... well, down there, such an unbearable pain that I felt like screaming and since then I decided that I can't go through this anymore and that I can't wait to ctb. Even if I wasn;t sex repulsed I still wouldn't have sex because anything, ANY FUCKING THING that goes down there hurts me the most, more than anything that has hurt me in my whole life. You'd think that breasts would hurt less but nah, like a few days after I experienced the worst pain ever I experienced also the worst pain ever there. And then there's also breast cancer, I once eavesdropped a conversation between my sister and my mother talking about how my grandma had something up there and that it is ... ah, how the fuck it is said I don't remember... it is transmitted and passed on through generations and it could develop into breast cancer and with that either me or my sister could have this and I suspect it is me but of course that my sister or mother never told me this cause why the fuck would they care 1 second about me, I had to eavesdrop it.

Then there's pregnancy that can happen WIHTOUT HAVING PIV CONTACT. You read it well. I have severe tokophobia (fear of pregnancy) and mostly because of this. I once read a thread on r/childfree about a woman who never suspected that she could be pregnant, like she did have no signs at all and then.... she suddenly gave birth, with no signs of pregnancy at all prior and aftet that she gave the baby to adoption. It sounds like stuff from horror movies. It's absolutely awful.

Then there's societal pressure. How you have to make up, shave and pluck your eyebrows and just be perfect looking. I only shave and pluck my eyebrows for my own not because of society (which at the top who take the decisions are some old stinky dudes) that told me to do so. However plucking my eyebrows is especially painful. I'm kinda perfectionist and I hate it when there's hair outside my eyebrow shape, but I always cancel pluckig cause it's so fucking painful. Last time I almpst cried of pain.

Then there's the rampant misogyny every fucking where and what worries me the most is the femicide happening in Latin American countries. Women always end up tortured then killed there it's absolute nightmare.

There;s also rape that could happen anytime, anywhere to anyone and it's the scariest shit ever. This is why I'm always anxious.

I never consented to having a hole between my legs, a shitty uterus that ''CarRriES mAgICc'', ovaries and breasts. But of course I can't get rid of them because it's ''muh body muh choice'' when it comes only to tattoos or something like that and me living in a religious conservative hellhole I have absolutely no chance to even get STERILIZED.

If I had the choice to select my biological sex it would be male in a heartbeat. However genderwise I will never feel male or female which makes me be non binary, but biologically any fuckong thing is better than being female.

If I can hide me being AFAB then I'm happy. But in the end I still want this life to go fuck itself for being absoliute torture.

Edit: I also want to talk about how as an AFAB you only gain fat because of ''muh reproduction'' that this shitty evolutuon put over us. I wanted to put on some muscles since 2019 but I just slightly had my arms nicely sculpted and in rest I just gained more fat then I just gave up.

 

[Judah]

I guess it's hard being a woman because women are expected to meet certain standards to the letter, and for whatever reason, those standards are dictated by men. And the worst thing of all is that these things may not change because it would require a restructuring of our ideocracy, besides that apparently society likes to leave things as they are.

 

[summers]

@AverageFanEnjoyer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime - being a female definitely puts you at a much greater risk for certain types of violence. I'm sorry (most) men are such pieces of shit.

The gender bias in sterilization is bullshit too. I live in the US and got a vasectomy at 20 years old, no questions asked. Even here, many doctors won't perform a tubal ligation on younger women or those who don't have children.

However, I do think males have it worse in one regard. I like to be clean shaven, face, body, everything. So while most women can get away with shaving armpits, legs, and plucking facial hair, I have to shave my full body weekly. Face at least every other day. Pluck nose, brows, ears. Most women can get away with not shaving the upper body, arms, and thighs.

Edit: I do have to acknowledge, there are very few issues with male organs that cause pain. Having been around women my whole life, what you go through every 4 weeks is terrible. Like a life sentence except you didn't do anything wrong.

 

[Judah]

The gender bias in sterilization is bullshit too. I live in the US and got a vasectomy at 20 years old, no questions asked. Even here, many doctors won't perform a tubal ligation on younger women or those who don't have children.

In some countries it is not allowed to perform tubal ligation to women who do not have children

 

[TheHatedOne]

The gender bias in sterilization is bullshit too. I live in the US and got a vasectomy at 20 years old, no questions asked. Even here, many doctors won't perform a tubal ligation on younger women or those who don't have children.

Oh god the stories I read on r/childfree and r/antinatalism on women's part regarding sterilizartion filled me with disgust. ''YoU cAnT StErIlIzE wItHoUt YoUR pArTnEr Or hUSbAnD ApPrOvAL'' they treat women as some kind of NPC beings that have to be taken care of and can't do anything without someoene lse's approval. BITCH, WOMEN ARE FULLY CAPABLE OF TAKING DECISIONS QUIT YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FUCKS SAKE WE AIN'T IN DARK AGES ANYMORE. Let them sterilizze if they want and if they ever regret it (although i never heard of such stories) then they can fucking adopt.

 

[summers]

Oh god the stories I read on r/childfree and r/antinatalism on women's part regarding sterilizartion filled me with disgust. ''YoU cAnT StErIlIzE wItHoUt YoUR pArTnEr Or hUSbAnD ApPrOvAL'' they treat women as some kind of NPC beings that have to be taken care of and can't do anything without someoene lse's approval. BITCH, WOMEN ARE FULLY CAPABLE OF TAKING DECISIONS QUIT YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FUCKS SAKE WE AIN'T IN DARK AGES ANYMORE. Let them sterilizze if they want and if they ever regret it (although i never heard of such stories) then they can fucking adopt.

I have not regretted getting snipped for even one second. Trust me, by the time you're 10, you know if you want kids or not. Most women who "change their mind" are simply acquiescing to their partner wanting a kid. I bet if humans were like seahorses and the males had to have kids, they would feel a lot different about coercing someone into procreating.

I have checked those sub r's and at least there is a list of doctors who are willing to perform the surgery. What sucks for the women is they may need to travel and incur a lot of additional expenses to get it done (I'm thinking the doctor/hospital may be out of network for the insurance).

 

[Geturdone]

Somewhere in the recesses of my memory I recall reading a Jewish prayer, recited by men of course, that actually starts out "thank God I wasn't born a women". I truly don't recall the remainder of the prayer but do remember I was struck by how totally absurd it sounded then. As a completely straight heterosexual I'll never TRULY relate to those with these experiences but I can imagine the pain, hurt, anger, RAGE.

I do pray you find peace, happiness, love and everything you need and deserve.

 

[greyautumnsky]

I have not regretted getting snipped for even one second. Trust me, by the time you're 10, you know if you want kids or not. Most women who "change their mind" are simply acquiescing to their partner wanting a kid. I bet if humans were like seahorses and the males had to have kids, they would feel a lot different about coercing someone into procreating.

I have checked those sub r's and at least there is a list of doctors who are willing to perform the surgery. What sucks for the women is they may need to travel and incur a lot of additional expenses to get it done (I'm thinking the doctor/hospital may be out of network for the insurance).

I had to almost die giving birth to my second child before a doctor would perform a tubal on me.

I had even done the counseling the entire pregnancy for it, from day 1 in the OBGYN office, and after the birth spiraled and my Son and I ended up with an emergency c-section that saved both of our lives... the performing doctor STILL had the audacity to ask me "are you really sure about this".

I about lost my sh-t. I had to explain "Are you serious? Did you even glance at or have a nurse look at my medical file before cutting my body open from hip bone to hip bone? Because you'd have seen I did the paperwork and the counseling for a tubal, have had the required two children, and am a good candidate for this surgery WHICH IS WHY I AM ON AN OPERATING TABLE IN THIS EXACT MOMENT BECAUSE MY SON AND I NEARLY DIED."

The surgeon informed me he cut, tied, and burned the ends of the tubes for me.

The look of mortification on his face. Like, he just asked out of habit. And none of the other stuff occurred to him.

I told him thanks.

-----

Being born a woman means you begin being conditioned at birth unless your parents are conscious of their biases. Society has soul draining and heart crushing standards. Every day you are gaslit and live in fear, because you learn that you won't be protected from violence or believed if it happens.

I have struggled with my gender identity for YEARS because of it. Through therapy and speaking with a recently made friend here I've begun to discover I don't hate being a woman and actually do identify with being one most days... its the way the world, society, societies, and history has devalued us that hurts me and I find such a heavy burden to carry alone.

In learning that... why would I want to even be a woman when I've learned women are hated so much??

And most women just don't TALK about it. They internalize these feelings of hatred and project them onto their daughters, sisters, friends, etc. But don't ever ever dare talk about it. That meanness... big yikes. It's why I don't really have any close irl female friends. We can't talk about the toxicity of women's culture.

 

[Kennish]

I wish I was born female. I hate having the things between my legs. If I had female genetals, I would not be sweaty and sticky in my crotch all the time. Maybe we could switch?

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence itself is the problem, as we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. None of us asked for this suffering. I do not have any problems with being female but I can relate to the fear of pregnancy. It is one of my worst nightmares having to give birth. I think anyone who sees it as a good idea to bring children into this world must be delusional.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Somewhere in the recesses of my memory I recall reading a Jewish prayer, recited by men of course, that actually starts out "thank God I wasn't born a women". I truly don't recall the remainder of the prayer but do remember I was struck by how totally absurd it sounded then. As a completely straight heterosexual I'll never TRULY relate to those with these experiences but I can imagine the pain, hurt, anger, RAGE.

As someone who was raised Buddhist, misogyny is also deeply entrenched in Buddhist tradition. Being born female is seen the result of bad karma, and women are blamed for arousing the desires of men and obstructing their spiritual progress.

 

[Gsvko]

Idk if the pain you're describing is also physical. I'd go to a doctor if it is and you haven't already, shouldn't hurt.
Sorry <3

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Then there's pregnancy that can happen WIHTOUT HAVING PIV CONTACT. You read it well. I have severe tokophobia (fear of pregnancy) and mostly because of this. I once read a thread on r/childfree about a woman who never suspected that she could be pregnant, like she did have no signs at all and then.... she suddenly gave birth, with no signs of pregnancy at all prior and aftet that she gave the baby to adoption. It sounds like stuff from horror movies. It's absolutely awful.

Well, you need sperm. Not gonna happen without you noticing (unless rape during sleep or something like that). If you're not having sex with men I don't see how it's a possibility. Not that that'll cure a phobia, tho.

women are blamed for arousing the desires of men and obstructing their spiritual progress.

Isn't the whole point that the individual can overcome their desire? That it's in "my" "control" to not get caught in it? Makes little sense to blame women, then other things that causes desire/aversion/distraction should be "blamed" as well (money, food, sleep, etc).

I about lost my sh-t. I had to explain "Are you serious? Did you even glance at or have a nurse look at my medical file before cutting my body open from hip bone to hip bone? Because you'd have seen I did the paperwork and the counseling for a tubal, have had the required two children, and am a good candidate for this surgery WHICH IS WHY I AM ON AN OPERATING TABLE IN THIS EXACT MOMENT BECAUSE MY SON AND I NEARLY DIED."

The surgeon informed me he cut, tied, and burned the ends of the tubes for me.

The look of mortification on his face. Like, he just asked out of habit. And none of the other stuff occurred to him.

I told him thanks.

-----

It might be procedure to ask since there are other ways to prevent pregnancies, but those do cost some money (not sure how much various things cost but if you have sex a lot it might add up).

 

[blueclover_.]

I'm pangender, a part of me is a guy. I don't have a problem with being perceived as girly when i act like it, not all the time even when i'm literally acting masculine. Being a girl is hard, on top of that i don't even feel like 100% a girl. I have to face sexism and anti-lgbtq propagandas at the same time, while also witnessing the cruelty of the everyday world. This world is a literal hellhole, my head hurts, i'm gonna grab some beer and try to be ok until i can't take it anymore and death will come. Yay.

 

[Someone123]

I guess it's hard being a woman because women are expected to meet certain standards to the letter, and for whatever reason, those standards are dictated by men. And the worst thing of all is that these things may not change because it would require a restructuring of our ideocracy, besides that apparently society likes to leave things as they are.

There are ways that it is more difficult to be a man though- men are not supposed to have emotions in many situations like women are allowed to, art least not t9o the same extent, and men are often not given as much help or ccaring- key factors that contribute to the fact that in the U.S. the suicide rate for men is 3.5 times the suicide rate for women. SO there are different ways that the genders have issues in how they are treated.

 

[Judah]

There are ways that it is more difficult to be a man though- men are not supposed to have emotions in many situations like women are allowed to, art least not t9o the same extent, and men are often not given as much help or ccaring- key factors that contribute to the fact that in the U.S. the suicide rate for men is 3.5 times the suicide rate for women. SO there are different ways that the genders have issues in how they are treated.

Well, according to modern society, all men are ugly

 

[Someone123]

(AFAB = Assigned Female At Birth)

How do I even begin this... I hate everything about being AFAB. Absolutely everything. I failed at every chance of having a decent life when I was born, bullshit country, bullshit family, bullshit time, but being born biologically female hurt the most of all.

Being AFAB is equal to being always in pain. Something always hurts me. I fucking hate these female organs that I didn't consent to have. If I spend little time in hte cold my ovaries hurt lioke crazy and I have to always pee. Two-three weeks ago I experienced the worst pain ever... well, down there, such an unbearable pain that I felt like screaming and since then I decided that I can't go through this anymore and that I can't wait to ctb. Even if I wasn;t sex repulsed I still wouldn't have sex because anything, ANY FUCKING THING that goes down there hurts me the most, more than anything that has hurt me in my whole life. You'd think that breasts would hurt less but nah, like a few days after I experienced the worst pain ever I experienced also the worst pain ever there. And then there's also breast cancer, I once eavesdropped a conversation between my sister and my mother talking about how my grandma had something up there and that it is ... ah, how the fuck it is said I don't remember... it is transmitted and passed on through generations and it could develop into breast cancer and with that either me or my sister could have this and I suspect it is me but of course that my sister or mother never told me this cause why the fuck would they care 1 second about me, I had to eavesdrop it.

Then there's pregnancy that can happen WIHTOUT HAVING PIV CONTACT. You read it well. I have severe tokophobia (fear of pregnancy) and mostly because of this. I once read a thread on r/childfree about a woman who never suspected that she could be pregnant, like she did have no signs at all and then.... she suddenly gave birth, with no signs of pregnancy at all prior and aftet that she gave the baby to adoption. It sounds like stuff from horror movies. It's absolutely awful.

Then there's societal pressure. How you have to make up, shave and pluck your eyebrows and just be perfect looking. I only shave and pluck my eyebrows for my own not because of society (which at the top who take the decisions are some old stinky dudes) that told me to do so. However plucking my eyebrows is especially painful. I'm kinda perfectionist and I hate it when there's hair outside my eyebrow shape, but I always cancel pluckig cause it's so fucking painful. Last time I almpst cried of pain.

Then there's the rampant misogyny every fucking where and what worries me the most is the femicide happening in Latin American countries. Women always end up tortured then killed there it's absolute nightmare.

There;s also rape that could happen anytime, anywhere to anyone and it's the scariest shit ever. This is why I'm always anxious.

I never consented to having a hole between my legs, a shitty uterus that ''CarRriES mAgICc'', ovaries and breasts. But of course I can't get rid of them because it's ''muh body muh choice'' when it comes only to tattoos or something like that and me living in a religious conservative hellhole I have absolutely no chance to even get STERILIZED.

If I had the choice to select my biological sex it would be male in a heartbeat. However genderwise I will never feel male or female which makes me be non binary, but biologically any fuckong thing is better than being female.

If I can hide me being AFAB then I'm happy. But in the end I still want this life to go fuck itself for being absoliute torture.

Edit: I also want to talk about how as an AFAB you only gain fat because of ''muh reproduction'' that this shitty evolutuon put over us. I wanted to put on some muscles since 2019 but I just slightly had my arms nicely sculpted and in rest I just gained more fat then I just gave up.

I was born a male and that's what I want to be because it's what i know- I coulsd accept if I was born female though- having a healthy functioning body of either gender is a blesing in my opinion- like is much tough for people born in between, with some of each- our society doens't have a plan for people like this is most settings.

 

[Rayzieka]

I wish I was born female. I hate having the things between my legs. If I had female genetals, I would not be sweaty and sticky in my crotch all the time. Maybe we could switch?

I'm sorry to tell you this but that part wouldn't change. Female parts can be rather gross as well.

 

[Judah]

I'm sorry to tell you this but that part wouldn't change. Female parts can be rather gross as well.

I have found that most women are not comfortable with their genitals.

 

[Kennish]

I'm sorry to tell you this but that part wouldn't change. Female parts can be rather gross as well.

Its not that it gross me out. It's annoying. It annoys me during the day. If only it smelled, I wouldnt care. But it annoys me. The stickiness, the skin Vs skin. I hate the feeling. And it doesn't matter if I wear underpants or not. I've tried. My body is just that way. I hate it.

If I didn't have balls, then it wouldn't stick to the inner sides of my thighs.

And it's super weird. I haven't met any men yet who have the same amount of annoy factor from this. Must be my body that's just super weird.

Edit; seriously. This is part of why I want to CTB. My body and the annoy factors of my body. I have extreme difficulty with my body and clothes. I hate these feelings. The smart ones calls it OCD, but I don't believe them anymore. There's something wrong with my body.

 

[Rayzieka]

Its not that it gross me out. It's annoying. It annoy during the day. If only it smelled, I wouldnt care. But it annoys me. The stickiness, the skin Vs skin. I hate the feeling. And it doesn't matter if I wear underpants or not. I've tried. My body is just that way. I hate it.

If I didn't have balls, then it wouldn't stick to the inner sides of my thighs.

I don't want to get into details but female parts generally secrete all kinds of stuff daily... It's sticky and gross so to avoid that sometimes you can just use baby wipes. You could also keep something to absorb sweat if that's really an issue.

I understand not wanting what youre born with. However I'm just saying both parts get nasty.

 

[Kennish]

I don't want to get into details but female parts generally secrete all kinds of stuff daily... It's sticky and gross so to avoid that sometimes you can just use baby wipes. You could also keep something to absorb sweat if that's really an issue.

I understand not wanting what youre born with. However I'm just saying both parts get nasty.

I've tried using baby powder. I've tried using talkum. I've tried using anti perspirant. Nothing works.

I believe it's the skin Vs skin thing that my nerve system doesn't like. Again: I have never met any men who has the same amount of difficulty with this.

If you have any other advice I'm all ears though

 

[Rayzieka]

I've tried using baby powder. I've tried using talkum. I've tried using anti perspirant. Nothing works.

I believe it's the skin Vs skin thing that my nerve system doesn't like. Again: I have never met any men who has the same amount of difficulty with this.

If you have any other advice I'm all ears though

Hmm I see. I'm sure there's got to be some way around that.
The closest I can relate to that is when my breasts touch my skin when I sit down if I'm not wearing a bra. It gets very frustrating and I push my blanket up to block that from happening.
Maybe there's something you can use as a barrier?

 

[Kennish]

Hmm I see. I'm sure there's got to be some way around that.
The closest I can relate to that is when my breasts touch my skin when I sit down if I'm not wearing a bra. It gets very frustrating and I push my blanket up to block that from happening.
Maybe there's something you can use as a barrier?

What to use as barrier? U can use a bra. What can I use? I tried with underpants, you know not tights. But real old fashioned underpants, but they crawl up my butt and are just annoying. But they keep the things in the middle away from my thighs.

A combination of tights and old fashioned underpants could be a solution. Maybe I should design some. I don't know. I'm just lost. It makes me want to die. Seriously.

Maybe just get surgery to get it cutted off. I don't know. It's so fucking annoying.

 

[Rayzieka]

What to use as barrier? U can use a bra. What can I use? I tried with underpants, you know not tights. But real old fashioned underpants, but they crawl up my butt and are just annoying. But they keep the things in the middle away from my thighs.

A combination of tights and old fashioned underpants could be a solution. Maybe I should design some. I don't know. I'm just lost. It makes me want to die. Seriously.

This may sound a little odd but maybe using a sock or something softer or more breathable?

 

[maakies]

I feel you. I spent the beginning of my adulthood presenting as female. Online, on forums I would refer to myself as "they" and same with partners before knowing what non-binary was. I'd do everything I could to conceal my assigned sex, gender, whatever. I think it has something to do with most disadvantages women have. I suppose I was attractive as a woman, and people received my femininity well. I came out around the age of 25 as neither/nor.

I had an abusive partner get aggravated with how masculine I was naturally. "It's like I'm dating a man" he'd say, truly annoyed. He did everything he could to make me feminine. That was peculiar. It's expensive and laborious to be a woman. The way you're supposed to constantly groom, hygiene products, all this. I disdain looking in mirrors.

After that whole fiasco and a meltdown, I quit presenting that way. I shave my head. I get zero attention now. I get called sir at the store by strangers. I'm lucky to have a build that is rather androgynous. Suppose I need to work on my voice.

My desire for PIV sex has depleted tremendously. It is weird how that works.

 

[Kennish]

This may sound a little odd but maybe using a sock or something softer or more breathable?

I don't think a sock would stay on? I've tried switching to bamboo underwear. But it doesn't help.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Isn't the whole point that the individual can overcome their desire? That it's in "my" "control" to not get caught in it? Makes little sense to blame women, then other things that causes desire/aversion/distraction should be "blamed" as well (money, food, sleep, etc).

Exactly! I'm just as perplexed as you are. As to why we're blamed for something that inherently isn't our fault.

 

[Pluto]

Exactly! I'm just as perplexed as you are. As to why we're blamed for something that inherently isn't our fault.

The answer is that 99% of religious people are hypocrites. They benefit from the social, cultural and community benefits of being a part of a religious group in exchange for superficially participating in some obligatory customs and traditions. If they were truly enlightened, they would not identify as belonging to any particular group and likely would not even believe that there is such a thing as gender.

It's why I don't really have any close irl female friends. We can't talk about the toxicity of women's culture.

I respect what you are saying, and there is a lot wrong with our culture. But to look at gender issues without taking into account caste could lead to misleading conclusions.

Throughout history, the role of low-status women has been giving birth and raising children, with or without 'consent'. Low-status men, meanwhile, were thrown into the meat-grinder of tribal conflicts or used as disposable labour in high-risk settings. Anyone claiming that either of these roles is privileged may instead have problems putting themselves into the shoes of others.

I was the youngest of 3 siblings, and was abused throughout childhood by my 2 older sisters. In my perception, society venerates women as beautiful, precious and deserving of care, support and empowerment, but views men as pathetic pieces of shit who should CTB if they are not of any use working to serve a wife. At a visceral level, I've come to realise that I will never get over how inferior I feel for being a man as my intellectual ideas about equality are quite shallow by comparison.

If there is a lesson to learn from this, it is that abuse is the problem rather than being any particular gender.

 

[disillusionment]

I agree with you, I hate a lot of things about being a woman. Like, starting my period at 9 when I was still mentally a lil kid. I'd end up leaking everywhere cuz I had the heaviest periods thanks to PCOS. Being 9 and bleeding through your pants in public, so traumatic. The periods were always so painful too nd I got low iron. Eventually started taking birth control to deal with my PCOS problems but then I find out that its apparently really bad for yo, causes cancer, causes infertility and also it kills my libido completely.. but if I dont take BC I ccould get cancer apparently. Great optioms...

Also growing up as a girl your whole appearance is constantly scrutinized and you're bullied for it. I changed so many things about my appearance and wore makeup a lot, straightened my hair a lot and it was so annoying, even wearing glasses as a girl everyone says its ugly but contacts burn my eyes so much. At one point I just felt like "what am I doing all this for??" It was usually guys criticizing my appearance too and they were always unattractive and poorly groomed themselves but I still let their opinion get to me bc Im insecure..