loslassen
call me jvne
- Dec 8, 2023
- 160
It's been months since I have posted here, and I'm not happy to do so. I'm always grateful for the freedom of being able to talk about these things *somewhere* though, varied insight over things you can't just bring up at the dinner table is nice.
I had been feeling okay. I thought (and still want to convince myself it's still true) that I was getting better, I have actually, I've earned money, bought some clothes (which is fulfilling to me and makes me happy) went out with friends more often, became a lot wiser, wrote a lot of pieces I'm proud of, I got close to my mom again, which I pray I won't regret, and thought to come to terms with who I am and the things I hate and pain me about myself.
dad's out of town… again.
It feels like suddenly things I had been piling up will burst, it's less terrible as it used to be since I've learned to be more mature with the way I digest things and process my emotions so I don't end up doing the same thing over and over again, but regardless, here I am again. Pondering over how even though I've moved on from certain things, if not most and look forward to life a lot… I still want to take my life.
I'm not sure why, I just feel still so, tied to life and feel like there's not much remedy to all the things I've fought so hard against. there's still something I don't want to face yet feels missing.
I had been feeling okay. I thought (and still want to convince myself it's still true) that I was getting better, I have actually, I've earned money, bought some clothes (which is fulfilling to me and makes me happy) went out with friends more often, became a lot wiser, wrote a lot of pieces I'm proud of, I got close to my mom again, which I pray I won't regret, and thought to come to terms with who I am and the things I hate and pain me about myself.
dad's out of town… again.
It feels like suddenly things I had been piling up will burst, it's less terrible as it used to be since I've learned to be more mature with the way I digest things and process my emotions so I don't end up doing the same thing over and over again, but regardless, here I am again. Pondering over how even though I've moved on from certain things, if not most and look forward to life a lot… I still want to take my life.
I'm not sure why, I just feel still so, tied to life and feel like there's not much remedy to all the things I've fought so hard against. there's still something I don't want to face yet feels missing.
