Venting I had a horrible panic attack last night.

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

I was already starting to dissociate while watching youtube videos about mental health, then my ex’s friend texted me (They think it’s funny to mock my pain). My chest started beating really hard and I couldn’t breath. I had to tell my little sister to leave because I knew I was going to have a panic attack. I ended up calling a friend to just stay in call while I sounded like I was being murdered. The message triggered flashbacks and made me feel like I was getting killed. It made me realize how bad it’s really gotten for me and it sucks seeing how pitiful I have become despite trying so long to just live. My decision for ctb is final. I’m guilty for what I will do to my family but I hope they could understand that I am no longer going to suffer. They will no longer have to deal with me.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Panic attacks are vicious. How often do you get them? And your ex's friend sounds like a complete ass, you don't deserve to be mocked...

 

[justanotherstar]

What a [insert preferred insult here]. So sorry you had to endure this, panic attacks are evil. Try not to be so harsh on yourself, you clearly care a lot about those around you so I don’t believe for a second your as bad as you think you are, I know how convincing we are to ourselves though

 

[Polly]

How do you get through them? I feel helpless and like I am going to die every time.

 

[foxdie]

Ugh panic attacks are the worst, I feel you fam. I think you should block that person, mostly because they can trigger panic attacks in you but also because they mock your pain. So cruel, you deserve and are better.

 

[Nexuno]

I feel helpless and like I am going to die every time.

This! ^^^^
I had panic attacks and I've been under medication for almost 20 years, with no results at all. Gradually I become totally unable to leave my home. Things changed when I finally realized that other than dying nothing else could happen! I literally said to myself "I don't give a fuck if I feel like I'm going to die/pass out/shat myself/whatever... I will do what I have to do (going at a certain place or whatever) and if I have to die/pass out/shat myself/whatever I will do it. Who cares?". I was so helpless that over the years I learned to "appreciate" the idea of dying; that feeling became "familiar" and I just totally surrendered to it (this has been the "key" for me; I think has been something like renouncing to have or to have not control over it, in short: to be totally passive on what was going to happen), and finally I just realized that the panic attacks (and also anxiety) just vanished.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Panic attacks are vicious. How often do you get them? And your ex's friend sounds like a complete ass, you don't deserve to be mocked...

I had them everyday until I was suddenly extremely numb for a period of time. After getting that message from his friend, it triggered something inside me :(

How do you get through them? I feel helpless and like I am going to die every time.

I forced myseld to calm down because I realized my friend was on call listening to me and I felt embarrassed. I just tried to think of my dogs and exhaled for as long as I cohld before doing an inhale. It only worked a little, but talking about something completely seperate from what was attacking me inside, helped too.

Ugh panic attacks are the worst, I feel you fam. I think you should block that person, mostly because they can trigger panic attacks in you but also because they mock your pain. So cruel, you deserve and are better.

I blocked them, but it’s only a matter of time before they use a fake number to message me :(

 

[justsad&done]

I often wonder how people can be so insensitive.
You don't sound pitiful...you sound like life has not been fair to you. I'm sorry for your suffering.It is hard when we feel guilty about family. But they need to understand. Sometimes life becomes too much. Hugs

 

[issyishere]

I had them everyday until I was suddenly extremely numb for a period of time. After getting that message from his friend, it triggered something inside me :(

I forced myseld to calm down because I realized my friend was on call listening to me and I felt embarrassed. I just tried to think of my dogs and exhaled for as long as I cohld before doing an inhale. It only worked a little, but talking about something completely seperate from what was attacking me inside, helped too.

I blocked them, but it’s only a matter of time before they use a fake number to message me :(

Ever consider changing your number? I used to work at a phone service provider and it was really cheap and can be done in a couple minutes. Im so sorry you had a panic attack. I’ve been dealing with them too but I kind of just sprint now to let the anxious energy out. Feels like im running away from my problems. We’re here for you.

 

[foxdie]

I blocked them, but it’s only a matter of time before they use a fake number to message me :(

Holy hell! That's straight up harrassment then. Is there anyone you can tell about it to get them to stop? Also changing numbers could work as @issyishere said.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I had them everyday until I was suddenly extremely numb for a period of time. After getting that message from his friend, it triggered something inside me :(

I forced myseld to calm down because I realized my friend was on call listening to me and I felt embarrassed. I just tried to think of my dogs and exhaled for as long as I cohld before doing an inhale. It only worked a little, but talking about something completely seperate from what was attacking me inside, helped too.

I blocked them, but it’s only a matter of time before they use a fake number to message me :(

For what it's worth, I'm glad this isn't your first panic attack and you know what helps, even if it doesn't help much. Still, to have one after presumably a long time, especially after being so numb... God. That's really rough.

 

[issyishere]

Holy hell! That's straight up harrassment then. Is there anyone you can tell about it to get them to stop? Also changing numbers could work as @issyishere said.

It makes me sick when people harass someone who can’t defend themselves. I’m not a violent person but I wouldn’t be sad if they got hit by a bus. OP surviving multiple panic attacks is a serious achievement. You’re a resillient person and I genuinely admire your bravery.

 

[foxdie]

It makes me sick when people harass someone who can’t defend themselves. I’m not a violent person but I wouldn’t be sad if they got hit by a bus. OP surviving multiple panic attacks is a serious achievement. You’re a resillient person and I genuinely admire your bravery.

I agree, you are strong @OopsIdidntwanttodie and that person can kindly go fuck themselves.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Holy hell! That's straight up harrassment then. Is there anyone you can tell about it to get them to stop? Also changing numbers could work as @issyishere said.

Back before my ex turned cold hearted, he knew how to instantly find anyone’s phone number online and showed me that he could search anyone up (like my mom) and found it. I don’t think this will work for me :(

You are all so kind, I felt a little better today and i’m just taking baby steps as I go. Thanks all

 

[foxdie]

Back before my ex turned cold hearted, he knew how to instantly find anyone’s phone number online and showed me that he could search anyone up (like my mom) and found it. I don’t think this will work for me :(

You are all so kind, I felt a little better today and i’m just taking baby steps as I go. Thanks all

Oh wow, that's intense. Do you know any of their family like their mother? I've had friends stop harrassment by straight up shaming them to their mother lol. But that's so messed up, I'm so sorry that's happening to you

Edit: and I'm glad to hear you're feeling better

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Oh wow, that's intense. Do you know any of their family like their mother? I've had friends stop harrassment by straight up shaming them to their mother lol. But that's so messed up, I'm so sorry that's happening to you

Edit: and I'm glad to hear you're feeling better

Knowing his parents, it’s natural for them to take his side. His family is the type to let him do whatever he wants so he could figure things out on his own. Sadly, I just deal with what him and his friends say/do when it comes to me

 

[foxdie]

Knowing his parents, it’s natural for them to take his side. His family is the type to let him do whatever he wants so he could figure things out on his own. Sadly, I just deal with what him and his friends say/do when it comes to me

Ugh that's so unfair and cruel. I don't know what to say. Stay strong, you're better then them for sure. I'd say contact the police if you're up for it, but I know how anxiety inducing that could be.