I guess this is a goodbye thread

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Beautiful dog. I hope you find peace. The health system is a true failure. You deserved better.

 

[swanchild]

Beautiful dog. I hope you find peace. The health system is a true failure. You deserved better.

Thank you. I honestly hold no resentment against anyone or even "the system" nor my psychiatrist who if I'm being honest we had a bit of a love-hate relationship. She was just trying to guide me and I can see all the little ways she tried to show she cared about me.

I was also involved in an excellent outpatient program with a nurse I really trusted. She gave me a T-shirt and I can't seem to take it off. I've written her a note and enclosed a jade fish.

I have a lot of forgiveness for everyone else, just not myself, and I mostly feel horribly lonely and not like in a, "you'll meet new people way" but in a "what about the people I loved before?" way. I have a lot of guilt for certain things, and I just always kind of didn't want to be here. That's not to say life hasn't inspired me, I have an artist's temperament. But I do remember apologizing to my mom for being born when I was a kid.

My life story is also pretty insane; my parents met in a mental hospital and both fought their own demons and my dad eventually died of possible still undetermined suicide. Addictions run deep, hence the wine.

I'm feeling inspired, lonely, loved, and courageous right now. But also depressed.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

Whatever happens with you, I hope you find happiness.

 

[yunzzzk]

May you find peace and safe travel

 

[seraph189]

Your dog knows your intentions

 

[thebelljarrr]

Fantasized a bit about sticking around long enough to write an autobiography under the guise of fiction and a pseudonym. I do like to write. And I would give all the money I made off it (should it be successful-- I'm starting to think I genuinely have bipolar) to the people who merited it and to a certain organization. Keeping everything super vague for anonymity. I just don't think it's feasible if I'm being honest, I keep wandering off like a dying cat, hiding.

For the record, I loved Clarice Lispector, Otessa Moshfegh, and Madeleine Miller. I loved Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. I loved Cocorosie, Jewel, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Bjork.

Isn't there a quote: "if I have seen further, it has been by standing on the shoulders of giants?" This is just my last little spark of creativity and imagination I suppose. I've made some pretty cool art but I would have liked to have published a book.

View attachment 146938

You two are beautiful. If u have read any of Sylvia's poems, may I know ur favorite? I'll be thinking of you.

 

[swanchild]

You two are beautiful. If u have read any of Sylvia's poems, may I know ur favorite? I'll be thinking of you.

I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it...

And The Moon and the Yew Tree.

Loved The Bell Jar, too.

Your dog knows your intentions

:(

 

[F@#$]

Beautiful dog

 

[swanchild]

Beautiful dog

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

That's a very interesting dream. Sadly I don't have any gift of dream interpretation, but I noticed something else in your message. You said that several people have expressed love to you. To me it sounds like a lot of people care about you. Could any of those people help you overcome the problems that have brought you to this point? It sounds like you matter a lot to these people and they would be upset to see you go.

 

[F@#$]

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

Yes, dogs are great.
The dream is wild. I don't dream much, I actually had a dream The other night. Nothing meaningful or profound like yours. Just a stupid motorcycle dream.

 

[No More Tears]

Fantasized a bit about sticking around long enough to write an autobiography under the guise of fiction and a pseudonym. I do like to write. And I would give all the money I made off it (should it be successful-- I'm starting to think I genuinely have bipolar) to the people who merited it and to a certain organization. Keeping everything super vague for anonymity. I just don't think it's feasible if I'm being honest, I keep wandering off like a dying cat, hiding.

For the record, I loved Clarice Lispector, Otessa Moshfegh, and Madeleine Miller. I loved Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. I loved Cocorosie, Jewel, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Bjork.

Isn't there a quote: "if I have seen further, it has been by standing on the shoulders of giants?" This is just my last little spark of creativity and imagination I suppose. I've made some pretty cool art but I would have liked to have published a book.

View attachment 146938

Just know whatever you choose to do, we're all here if you change your mind and decide to stay.

 

[CatLvr]

I haven't been here but for a minute, though I've lurked most of the last couple of days. You are gifted and as it often is with gifts, there is also a burden that comes with those gifts. It is also obvious you love and are loved.

Our pets know us better than we know ourselves sometimes. I do believe that they love us and miss us when we are gone. They are but one piece of our world, but we are their whole world.

Whatever happens from this point forward, I wish you peace. And happiness. Hug your puppy.