meddle
Student
- Jan 11, 2024
- 146
i am 26f. and i had two close friends. we had been friends for years, but i guess we are not anymore
we dont keep in touch the way we used to. i know, after some time you dont communticate with your friends that much, but you still remain friends. but thats not my case. i want to communicate with my close ones everyday. i want to tell them about my life, to send funny memes, to talk about new stuff that i just learned... i want to communicate the whole time. note: i dont expect an instant answer. i know, other people have lifes. i just want them to answer me every day (when this is possible) and to warn me (when this is possible), that they cant answer now (because they have things to do, but everyrhing is allright. or that everything is not allright, and they dont have the strength or desire to communicate with me right now)
and what about two of my closest friends?
one has a tough period now. this tough period has been going on for some time, more than a few months. and she answers to me like once a week, once every two weeks... and this is not the style of communication that i need. i understand her, im not mad at her. but i began to write her less and less...
with the second one we try to communicate everyday. well i write something and she answers, when she has time and possibility. but we are always talking about me and my stuff, because she dont like to tell me about herself, she dont like to tell anyone about herself at all. and also one situation happened: she didnt respond for some time. i began to worry: what if something happened? and later i saw her story, she is on a trip to another town. why didnt she told me that? i wouldnt worry then, i would understand. well she doesnt like to tell anyone about herself... but she is ok with telling all of the internet about herself and posting pictures from her trip... why didnt she simply tell me "everything is ok, im on a trip, will answer later", so i wouldnt have to worry?
im actually devastated. this situation has made me feel that no one gives a fuck about me. even my friends dont give a fuck about me enough to simply communicate with me the way i need to. and if my friends dont give a fuck about me, then who else would? well i know that actually no one gives a fuck about anyone, you are the most important person in your life, blah blah blah. but i dont like myself. the only thing that keeps me going is my loved ones, the fact that they give a fuck about me and that they will suffer if i cbt. but now i see that they dont need me, dont care about me... so i dont really have a reason for keep going. i might as well kill myself. and this is a very sad and hopeless feeling
the only thing i have left is this stupid site with anonimous weirdos who want to kill themselfes. the only place where i can talk to someone, like really talk and get a real responce, idk... this is so sad and devastating
we dont keep in touch the way we used to. i know, after some time you dont communticate with your friends that much, but you still remain friends. but thats not my case. i want to communicate with my close ones everyday. i want to tell them about my life, to send funny memes, to talk about new stuff that i just learned... i want to communicate the whole time. note: i dont expect an instant answer. i know, other people have lifes. i just want them to answer me every day (when this is possible) and to warn me (when this is possible), that they cant answer now (because they have things to do, but everyrhing is allright. or that everything is not allright, and they dont have the strength or desire to communicate with me right now)
and what about two of my closest friends?
one has a tough period now. this tough period has been going on for some time, more than a few months. and she answers to me like once a week, once every two weeks... and this is not the style of communication that i need. i understand her, im not mad at her. but i began to write her less and less...
with the second one we try to communicate everyday. well i write something and she answers, when she has time and possibility. but we are always talking about me and my stuff, because she dont like to tell me about herself, she dont like to tell anyone about herself at all. and also one situation happened: she didnt respond for some time. i began to worry: what if something happened? and later i saw her story, she is on a trip to another town. why didnt she told me that? i wouldnt worry then, i would understand. well she doesnt like to tell anyone about herself... but she is ok with telling all of the internet about herself and posting pictures from her trip... why didnt she simply tell me "everything is ok, im on a trip, will answer later", so i wouldnt have to worry?
im actually devastated. this situation has made me feel that no one gives a fuck about me. even my friends dont give a fuck about me enough to simply communicate with me the way i need to. and if my friends dont give a fuck about me, then who else would? well i know that actually no one gives a fuck about anyone, you are the most important person in your life, blah blah blah. but i dont like myself. the only thing that keeps me going is my loved ones, the fact that they give a fuck about me and that they will suffer if i cbt. but now i see that they dont need me, dont care about me... so i dont really have a reason for keep going. i might as well kill myself. and this is a very sad and hopeless feeling
the only thing i have left is this stupid site with anonimous weirdos who want to kill themselfes. the only place where i can talk to someone, like really talk and get a real responce, idk... this is so sad and devastating
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