I haven't cut myself for weeks and as much as I badly want to cut it because I can't deal with the mental pain, but I've went back to being a coward to cut. Probably because the last time I tried to, it wasn't sharp enough, I should probably collect the razor blades on my table and floor, dispose of it and get a fresh one to start cutting.
I want to cut myself yesterday but I wouldn't want to get myself in a worse state in case my brother wanted to bring me out to eat somewhere nice for my birthday. That didn't happen, but I ended up drinking alone that evening instead of cutting.
Cutting is probably better than drinking, alcohol really fucks me up once it wears out.