T
tappingout91
New Member
- Jan 27, 2024
- 4
last week I made the mistake of trusting somebody with my inner thoughts about dying and wanting to commit ctb. it was not an "I want/am going to kill myself." it was instead more of a philosophical discussion regarding free choice, the right the die and how I tend to live with a never ending desire to log off from this server for Satan and Jesus's open world MMO.
So naturally I got struck with blow after blow of "ctb is a cowardly move." and the other usual platitudes about hell, unforgivable way to go, blah blahd I am sure you have all heard some variation. I wish I was not so pissed off about this because why should I care about what some person who is only kind of tangentially related to me says about my life, when they have not even been in my life too long and just really know me through someone else I know?
Because I've seen the eyes of easily fifty actively suicidal people.
I used to work in a psychiatric hospital where part of my job duties, in addition to talking to clients, helping them in their day to day needs and helping keep head counts included cutting down and restraining clients who were attempting self harm or ctb, I cannot recall one coward among that lot.
I seen a lot of people suffering and going through really hard times. I failed to save one person who had barricaded themselves in a room and used an extremely creative method of inducing a traumatic brain injury that proved fatal. That shit haunts me to this day but the last thing I would ever do is degrade that person and call them a coward. The sheer will power alone that it took them to overcome survival instinct and then go out that way. Fuck.
I have been reading your stories, your posts, your research and thoughts. I do not see one coward here.
I'm anxious and angry and just had a nice breakfast. How are your days going?
So naturally I got struck with blow after blow of "ctb is a cowardly move." and the other usual platitudes about hell, unforgivable way to go, blah blahd I am sure you have all heard some variation. I wish I was not so pissed off about this because why should I care about what some person who is only kind of tangentially related to me says about my life, when they have not even been in my life too long and just really know me through someone else I know?
Because I've seen the eyes of easily fifty actively suicidal people.
I used to work in a psychiatric hospital where part of my job duties, in addition to talking to clients, helping them in their day to day needs and helping keep head counts included cutting down and restraining clients who were attempting self harm or ctb, I cannot recall one coward among that lot.
I seen a lot of people suffering and going through really hard times. I failed to save one person who had barricaded themselves in a room and used an extremely creative method of inducing a traumatic brain injury that proved fatal. That shit haunts me to this day but the last thing I would ever do is degrade that person and call them a coward. The sheer will power alone that it took them to overcome survival instinct and then go out that way. Fuck.
I have been reading your stories, your posts, your research and thoughts. I do not see one coward here.
I'm anxious and angry and just had a nice breakfast. How are your days going?