Venting i get sick thinking about how the people in my life will react to my death

[waqs]

i plan to CTB sometime next year if things go correctly and im able to get SN, but when those thoughts on how i wish to go about it i feel nauseous thinking about how my family will react. i wish these was a way i could warn them before i do it and them not stopping me but i know that would never be true. i know im a burden to them but i know the still care enough about me to do the bare minimum, and my sister loves me. i know it would ruin the family and i feel guilty for wanting to die in the first place. its (mostly) not their fault im like this, why should they have to suffer because im selfish? i dont want them to be sad, like i have been for so long.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. It's horrific. I'm not sure what to do about it though.