I gave away the only fucking thing that could get me out of here FML

[evey8112]

I hate my fucking self, The way my depression works is i will be manic and motivated as hell then back to depressed and wanting to leave this planet. I purchased a gun with the only real money i had and was hiding it for a bit. Then one day when i was happy and motivated (My mind fucking with me) i showed my parents the gun because i felt bad for hiding it and now they took it. Now my only option is to do hanging with a belt. I had the gun pointed at my head with a round in the chamber but could not get myself to pull the trigger. I was not in a dark enough head space to just say fuck it and pull the damn trigger. Now i am here again, being tortured by bad thoughts and depression. God i hate SI. Like once we can just (do it) its all over, fear is gone forever.

 

[Zebulon]

I hate my fucking self, The way my depression works is i will be manic and motivated as hell then back to depressed and wanting to leave this planet. I purchased a gun with the only real money i had and was hiding it for a bit. Then one day when i was happy and motivated (My mind fucking with me) i showed my parents the gun because i felt bad for hiding it and now they took it. Now my only option is to do hanging with a belt. I had the gun pointed at my head with a round in the chamber but could not get myself to pull the trigger. I was not in a dark enough head space to just say fuck it and pull the damn trigger. Now i am here again, being tortured by bad thoughts and depression. God i hate SI. Like once we can just (do it) its all over, fear is gone forever.

I feel you.
I had a working gas setup with helium years ago, when I was still motivated to try things and had the energy to actually ensemble a working thing.
Then I started therapy, was going good for a while and as a show of good faith I gave him the apperatus.
Well now im back here with no energy to do that shit again and stuck.

 

[evey8112]

I feel you.
I had a working gas setup with helium years ago, when I was still motivated to try things and had the energy to actually ensemble a working thing.
Then I started therapy, was going good for a while and as a show of good faith I gave him the apperatus.
Well now im back here with no energy to do that shit again and stuck.

Yes it sucks. Although i think hanging with a belt will be ok. I gave it a try using the same method Robin Williams did, sitting in a chair with one end of the belt
wedged between the door and the door frame. The other end around my neck, seated in the chair and pulling down. I did this and if i kept going it would have been successful but the loud ass heart beat you hear and SI made me back out.

 

[Zebulon]

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully all goes well and you find the inner peace we all desire. It sounds definitely promising
SI is a bitch with hanging for sure.
Thats why this method isnt the one for me. And because of my sleep paralysis im unreasonably afraid of being awake and not breathing.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here, I understand why you would feel so frustrated being in that situation, I wish that it's much more straightforward to finally be free from this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[UKscotty]

SI is horrible, keeps us as slaves in this shitty existence.