I found happiness

[SilviuSDJ]

I've been through hell, I had depression, I tried to commit suicide a few times, and after a long time trying to stay alive I've finally got rid of all these negative thoughts.
It all started when I discovered stoicism. It changed my life completely, I feel happy even if I'm not in a relationship anymore and don't have many friends. I found a purpose in life and finally in a long time, I'm taking care of myself and I'm putting my happiness at the top of everything, and I learned that happiness doesn't necessarily come from "love" (like in a relationship), or from money and materialistic things, I used to believe these things, and now I find happiness in myself, even if I'm physically alone, mentally I'm not, and it's the best thing ever.
I started training my body, sleeping good, reading, meditating, eating well, stopped masturbating completely, playing video games (almost)/youtube/social media in general, and it's the best!
I highly recommend studying stoicism, wish you the best!

 

[I’mDone]

Im genuinely happy for you. I hope it's everything you hoped for, and it lasts.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

Im genuinely happy for you. I hope it's everything you hoped for, and it lasts.

Thank you so much.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Glad you found a reason to live. What is your reason to live?

Stoicism isn't for everyone – it wasn't for me – but some find real solace in it. Some aspects of it, like asceticism, are really helpful nowadays. In a culture of consumer slaves, it is the royal road to freedom.

 

[Shinbu]

That's nice. That philosophy isn't for me though. I feel comfortable with nihilism.

 

[RileyTanaka]

Glad you found a reason to live. What is your reason to live?

Stoicism isn't for everyone – it wasn't for me – but some find real solace in it. Some aspects of it, like asceticism, are really helpful nowadays. In a culture of consumer slaves, it is the royal road to freedom.

Couldn't have put it better myself. In this odd world full of constant marketing, pressure to consume, pressure to prove your self-worth and status all the time through material means... it's great to have a philosophical anchor like this. If only that alone could solve my problems.

Good on you, OP. I hope you continue to see progress within yourself.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

these are just the best things! Im really happy for you!

 

[SilviuSDJ]

What is your reason to live?

My reason to live is, as "stupid" it may sound, is to just live. I realised that death will come no matter what, and when i had suicidal thoughts i was thinking like "if we die anyway, what's the point in living?" And now my mentality is "we will all die, so why waste my life if I'm here only for a short time".Truly in the end it doesn't matter, so coming to this conclusion there is no point in ending my life because it will end by itself one day, and after that ofc I won't live anymore, so if this is my only chance to be alive, even if it will pass by fast, I will enjoy it, and I find no point in ending it.
Maybe i didn't explain well, it's complicated.

Couldn't have put it better myself. In this odd world full of constant marketing, pressure to consume, pressure to prove your self-worth and status all the time through material means...

The best thing is to not care about these things, don't waste your energy on something that doesn't even matter.

If only that alone could solve my problems.

It does solve most of the problems, you just have to be honest with yourself, really focus and go through your mind, discover yourself in there and the solutions to everything will come.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so happy for you

 

[watereyes]

Thats so cool you have :) I found happiness too but it didn't make me less suicidal. I wonder what will?? I'm a kinda incoherent person.

 

[Kumachan]

It does solve most of the problems, you just have to be honest with yourself, really focus and go through your mind, discover yourself in there and the solutions to everything will come.

How do you go through your mind and find yourself there exactly? Example maybe?
My question is how do you enjoy life that is not enjoyable, change your thoughts about it?

 

[SilviuSDJ]

How do you go through your mind and find yourself there exactly? Example maybe?
My question is how do you enjoy life that is not enjoyable, change your thoughts about it?

A good example is meditation. When you meditate, you basically talk in your mind to yourself any every way possible, every good thing, every bad thing, everything you do, you "talk" with you and find solutions, but this maybe isn't enough, you need some guidance. That's why i suggest to study stoicism. I'm not a philosopher so i can't explain that good. You can start with the site below if you want.
Also, an advice about your last question, enjoying life that's "not enjoyable", live in the present, not the past, not the future, but only in the present, that helps a lot.

10 Insanely Useful Stoic Exercises

Today I want to describe various Stoic exercises that you can do to develop a Stoic outlook on life. While this is obviously useful for the would-be Stoic, I think that everyone can benefit these exercises. If you don’t know much about Stoicism then here would be a good start, or you can read...

dailystoic.com

 

[Kumachan]

Thanks, im familiar with the idea of stoicism. Just wanted to hear real experience. You say "live in the moment" no past no future. And at the same time you talk in your mind as meditation, finding solutions... Doesnt it involve future plans?

I would imagine most ppl do that all the time "talking" in their heads about everything thats usually exactly the opposite of meditation and living in the now.

If the solution is to be in the present moment, itd better be quiet, stop thinking completely? The problem is that the thoughts automatically appear, and we have to make plans!

 

[Quarky00]

Thanks, im familiar with the idea of stoicism. Just wanted to hear real experience. You say "live in the moment" no past no future. And at the same time you talk in your mind as meditation, finding solutions... Doesnt it involve future plans?

I would imagine most ppl do that all the time "talking" in their heads about everything thats usually exactly the opposite of meditation and living in the now.

If the solution is to be in the present moment, itd better be quiet, stop thinking completely? The problem is that the thoughts automatically appear, and we have to make plans!

In meditative setting you allow those thoughts and process them, usually without spiraling but accepting fears, plans, worries, past events. As that process goes in your mind, in a relaxed orderly mannger (not like talking in head all time), and as you accept your thoughts and your inner dialogue in a calm way -- they gradually subside, calm down, mellow -- and appear less automatically. You start feeling more of the here and now and in a simpler way; less 'automatic' thoughts disturbing you.

If you are in a bad situation/mood or after it, or have a burden on your mind, and you start thinking about it, what to do, what happened, etc -- that's one thing. If you plan for yourself an hour away from life to calmly think about things and clear your mind -- that's a different thing (which may lead to more 'living in the moment').

Unlike your 'normal thinking' where you kinda 'argue with yourself' (is that good, is that bad, i don't know what to do, how to solve it) -- in this space/time you allow the thoughts to come up so you're less likely to do that inner back-and-forth annoying conversation with yourself, and it may calm them down a bit.

That's my personal perspective and in general terms (referring to 'meditative state' in general- not specific meditation practice).



** Usually you are also encouraged to focus on immediate things in or around you (nature, breathing, surroundings, music, repetitive sound- ohmmm) -- while thoughts come and go -- and that further helps "be in the moment" vibe :)

** It is very hard for people in distress, especially when in anxiety or tremendous pain (depression; PTSD), and can make you spiral .. or usually annoy, or really stress people out ("what to do?? all these thoughts! help!!"). So for many people it's much easier said than done. :/

 

[SilviuSDJ]

You say "live in the moment" no past no future. And at the same time you talk in your mind as meditation, finding solutions... Doesnt it involve future plans?

If the solution is to be in the present moment, itd better be quiet, stop thinking completely? The problem is that the thoughts automatically appear, and we have to make plans!

Yes, it does involve future plans, it's normal to think about what you want to do, what should you do, but living in the future it's something completely different. By me saying not living in the future i mean you shouldn't stress on future plans, don't get anxiety thinking about it, and don't overthink something that didn't even happen, mostly, don't focus on events in the future that you don't have control over.

Thinking in the present is normal, but stopping to think it's the total opposite. The idea is to not overthink stuff, and accept that in the end life will end no matter what, so don't take everything too serious.

 

[Kumachan]

My problem with stoicism is that its not radical enough to help in a really shitty situation. Just live in the moment, be positive, exercise etc. Maybe if things are not too bad it can have some positive effect. Survival instinct is driving your thoughts and anxiety - you cant just ignore it! Theres very little control over our feelings if any. Its hardwired.

ok lets look at a situation:
A guy in his 50s, divorced, lost his job and is facing eviction. Thats a direct threat to survival - SI kicks in. Living in survival mode is energy-draining, unpleasant. Mind is frantically running through options real and imaginary - hard wired reaction for survival. Stoic suggestion, as i understand, is to take control over thoughts and emotions - turn off anxiety, dont take it seriously, change your judgement of the situation etc.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

@stoicism

1. Free will: I don't think you can choose to feel indifferent about things, even if you might not be able to change them. Stoicism might prompt you to stop desiring things you can not attain, but then this was because of a lack of knowledge, and not because you chose to stop desiring them.

2. Similarly, hedonic adaption is not an act of volition. Hedonic adaption is an automatic mechanism, that happens anyway. You don't need the tenets of stoicism to adapt your mood to worse circumstances.

3. There is no life 'according to nature' and life according to nature would not be a virtuous, happy life, but a violent, frenzied, brutish one.

 

[kyle]

Proud of you, keep having a positive mindset pal.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

@stoicism

1. Free will: I don't think you can choose to feel indifferent about things, even if you might not be able to change them. Stoicism might prompt you to stop desiring things you can not attain, but then this was because of a lack of knowledge, and not because you chose to stop desiring them.

2. Similarly, hedonic adaption is not an act of volition. Hedonic adaption is an automatic mechanism, that happens anyway. You don't need the tenets of stoicism to adapt your mood to worse circumstances.

3. There is no life 'according to nature' and life according to nature would not be a virtuous, happy life, but a violent, frenzied, brutish one.

Disagree, you can choose to feel indifferent about things, and i can work to get things that i still don't have, but I don't desire them anymore. It is possible and sorry to say but you are wrong. You can't speak on the behalf of all people, that's only your opinion.
And nature has good sides and bad sides, you choose on what side you want to focus on.

Proud of you, keep having a positive mindset pal.

Thank you!

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Sure, it's all opinions. If something helps, good. It's not like you fell for Tony Robin's or Scientology. Stoicism has helped many people.

 

[ManWithNoName]

It all started when I discovered stoicism.

I've been a proponent of stoicism for some time now—it has been a solid philosophy that pre-dates Christianity. I'm pleased to hear you have found a way that has helped you. Congrats!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It's always good to see someone make progress in recovery! I hope you're able to maintain a positive momentum forward, good luck to you!

 

[artificialpasta]

That's so cool <3

 

[Quarky00]

I'm very happy to hear about that

Also happy you're sharing this here :) I think it would be great if you would suggest single ideas rather than presenting the entire stoic way of life, because it's kinda "too big" for many people (to accept a whole new way of life). If you have the time and wish to do so, in the future, feel free. It would be nice. Start threads in recovery touching on each issue separately.

I'm saying so because there are so many good things in your post that should be expanded upon (for example we touched on meditation). While saying "I'm putting my happiness at the top" or "got rid of all these negative thoughts" (which I know is genuine for you!:) can be considered 'therapy catchphrases' or 'empty cliches' fo some people and may be annoying or triggering. I'm not criticizing you -- rather suggesting you/us explore this in a deeper & in meaningful way :)

It's really hard for many people, especially with serious emotional instability or debilitating anxiety/depression, to adopt "new way of living". It's so hard, almost impossible. Even when you try your best and perhaps reach some happiness & equilibrium -- some emotional thing in you just drags you down so deep.

I am worried though , not to rain on your parade , what if your romantic relationship ends in a bad way (God forbid) , or a beloved family member gets sick (again God forbid) .. Will you cope well under those circumstances? (I hope I'm not offending you with that question.)

 

[ManWithNoName]

You don't need the tenets of stoicism to adapt your mood to worse circumstances.

That is true, however, many people need a model, or modality—a kind of framework to make their way through this Human experience.

A lot, if not all modern day self-help modalities are essentially rootless, and tend to be flowery new age rhetoric made to make someone feel good in the moment—a temporary tonic of sorts.

Stoicism has been around for a eons and a lot of people are looking at time tested old-school methods in the current decline of the Western world which seems to have gone off the rails.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

I've been a proponent of stoicism for some time now—it has been a solid philosophy that pre-dates Christianity. I'm pleased to hear you have found a way that has helped you. Congrats!

It's always good to see someone make progress in recovery! I hope you're able to maintain a positive momentum forward, good luck to you!

That's so cool <3

Thank you all, i wish you the best as well!

I'm very happy to hear about that

I am worried though , not to rain on your parade , what if your romantic relationship ends in a bad way (God forbid) , or a beloved family member gets sick (again God forbid) .. Will you cope well under those circumstances? (I hope I'm not offending you with that question.)

Thank you and to answer your questions, my relationship ended a few days ago and both me and my ex agreed to do this, because we realized that we weren't happy with ourselves at all, we had problems and arguments, and still i was depressed and so was she sometimes, so i decided to end it until i learn to love myself, as well as she. If a family member would get sick of course I'll cope. One lesson in stoicism is to not get too attached to people(not saying to not love them) because they can leave at any moment, we can't control that, and we will suffer if we are too attached to them.

That is true, however, many people need a model, or modality—a kind of framework to make their way through this Human experience.

A lot, if not all modern day self-help modalities are essentially rootless, and tend to be flowery new age rhetoric made to make someone feel good in the moment—a temporary tonic of sorts.

Stoicism has been around for a eons and a lot of people are looking at time tested old-school methods in the current decline of the Western world which seems to have gone off the rails.

I agree with you.

 

[Huntfish34]

That's awesome and Quite interesting; best of luck to you !

 

[KleinerWolf]

I've been through hell, I had depression, I tried to commit suicide a few times, and after a long time trying to stay alive I've finally got rid of all these negative thoughts.
It all started when I discovered stoicism. It changed my life completely, I feel happy even if I'm not in a relationship anymore and don't have many friends. I found a purpose in life and finally in a long time, I'm taking care of myself and I'm putting my happiness at the top of everything, and I learned that happiness doesn't necessarily come from "love" (like in a relationship), or from money and materialistic things, I used to believe these things, and now I find happiness in myself, even if I'm physically alone, mentally I'm not, and it's the best thing ever.
I started training my body, sleeping good, reading, meditating, eating well, stopped masturbating completely, playing video games (almost)/youtube/social media in general, and it's the best!
I highly recommend studying stoicism, wish you the best!

Thanks for sharing. I'm happy for you.

I never heard of Stoicism but I will look into it.
I googled it but I think I like its principles already.

Good on ya.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

Thanks for sharing. I'm happy for you.

I never heard of Stoicism but I will look into it.
I googled it but I think I like its principles already.

Good on ya.

Thank you!
Good luck studying it, I hope it will make you a better person and change your life for the better.

 

[TheSoulless]

That's great to hear! :) This inspires me.