I forgive myself and absolve myself from all and any responsibility for wanting to ctb.

[Daystavro]

I used to beat myself up for wanting to ctb.
Thinking that it was my fault for wanting to ctb.
Or in other words, that if I had made different choices my life would have been better and I wouldn't have been in my situation right now of wanting to ctb.
But I now came to the realization that it is not my fault for wanting to ctb.
It is life's fault and people's fault.
In othet words, no matter what I would have done life would have been a nightmare because that's just how life is.
It's an unpleasant experience filled with evil and unkind and unpleasant people.
And no matter what I would have done people would have been evil and unkind to me and would have abused and bullied me.
Because that's just how people are.
Evil, immoral, unkind, unpleasant.
In other words there is no way I could have made life bearable because of how life is and how people are.
So it's important to me before I ctb to forgive myself and realize that it's not my fault for wanting to ctb.
It's like a kind, little rabbit who would be placed in a tigers cage and then he will be abused and ultimately devoured by the unkind tigers and will blame himself for wanting to get out of the cage.

 

[Anyara]

I applaud you. Im happy for you you came to this conclusion for yourself!

 

[ctoan]

 

[Lra888]

Yes. How i've tried to be a part of this world and it's madness. There is no place for a depressed person here in this rat race hell. In a hospital accumulating money for the pharmaceutical industry perhaps.

I use to hate myself for not being able to participate in/ experience joy from this society as well but I can't conceive of being enthusiastic about this hell.

This nightmare going on for decades is not bearable.

 

[Daystavro]

You can ridicule my point as much as you want.
I don't care what you think.

Again one of the reaosns I am going to ctb is that I don't want to live in this world anymore which is filled with evil people like you who enjoy laughing at other people's suffering.

 

[No Future]

You can ridicule my point as much as you want.
I don't care what you think.

Again one of the reaosns I am going to ctb is that I don't want to live in this world anymore which is filled with evil people like you who enjoy laughing at other people's suffering.

I think your definition of 'evil' is a bit loose if you consider someone poking a little fun as being sadistic behavior.

Your choice is entirely your own, and it'll be honored here. Still, I think your perspective on everyone being inherently 'evil, immoral, unkind, unpleasant' demands someone takes the piss a bit. Are the people that offer you support here boxed into that generalization too?

 

[Daystavro]

I think your definition of 'evil' is a bit loose if you consider someone poking a little fun as being sadistic behavior.

Your choice is entirely your own, and it'll be honored here. Still, I think your perspective on everyone being inherently 'evil, immoral, unkind, unpleasant' demands someone takes the piss a bit. Are the people that offer you support here boxed into that generalization too?

No , actually unlike most places people on here are mostly nice and kind.

But still, unfortunately some evil and unkind people exist here too.

 

[ctoan]

You can ridicule my point as much as you want.
I don't care what you think.

Again one of the reaosns I am going to ctb is that I don't want to live in this world anymore which is filled with evil people like you who enjoy laughing at other people's suffering.

good to see that you at least didnt lost your humor

 

[Virgo]

You can ridicule my point as much as you want.
I don't care what you think.

Again one of the reaosns I am going to ctb is that I don't want to live in this world anymore which is filled with evil people like you who enjoy laughing at other people's suffering.

If this is your definition of evil you must be wearing a blindfold.

 

[Limbo]

If this is your definition of evil you must be wearing a blindfold.

Hes actually insane. Im betting on a severe paranoid schizophrenic.

Ive seen viedeos of people getting chopped up alive while others are laughing. That is evil.

 

[bigj75]

Hes actually insane. Im betting on a severe paranoid schizophrenic.

Ive seen viedeos of people getting chopped up alive while others are laughing. That is evil.

 

[Limbo]

cartel. I dont recommend looking. There was one video where they were dripping hot molten plastic onto some guy while forcing him to eat his own flesh. I couldn't watch it, but read the summary. This op has no idea what evil is.

r/watchpeopledie

 

[bigj75]

cartel. I dont recommend looking. There was one video where they were dripping hot molten plastic onto some guy while forcing him to eat his own flesh. I couldn't watch it, but read the summary. This op has no idea what evil is.

r/watchpeopledie

That's sickening

 

[longingforrelease]

I don't question the legitimacy of your choice to check out from this life. I wouldn't be here if I did. But my experience has been that the world can be filled with love and wonder and kind people caring deeply for others. That's my truth, because I once happily occupied just that kind of world. But through actions for which I am responsible (perhaps somewhat mitigated by my mental health problems - though not all with my particular mental health problems (bipolar, addiction) end up making the kind of shitty choices and engaging in the shitty behavior I engaged in) I lost my place in that world. That's why I'm here. I say this not argue with your experience, but perhaps to offer up a voice of hope grounded in experience that the world doesn't always match up with your description. Thus a world and a life less disagreeable than the one you describe might be possible for you too.

 

[Sickofit]

Glad you think that! All true at the end of the day.

 

[okyeah]

Pretty much. I can't really take responsibility for how my personality and everything has turned out. Why I am constantly a target for bullying etc. My fucked up parents and poor upbringing did that for me. In the end we can't really control personality, social, and things that actually matter in our lives. There is the illusion of control that people want to believe we have.

It doesn't matter how much I tried and succeeded at minor things in life - I have always felt this horrible way inside and I know people are just fake and cling to you for shallow reasons. It is literally just a hierarchy and people associate with those they believe to be higher or equal to them in it. No one will ever love me for who I truly am. And now I am expected to just enter the grindhouse of adult life and accept my miniscule chances of being happy? Not going to happen.