Venting I find it brave to be able to face the brutal reality.

[SpiritualDeath]

The reality being that we're heading towards absolute hell with no predictable hope in the future; the world is on fire; wars everywhere; disasters everywhere; diseases everywhere; skyrocketing cost of living everywhere; people are suffering; animals are suffering...Indeed it's always easier to be a happy pro-lifer that everyone loves being around instead of a depressed suicidal doomer that everyone feels uncomfortable being around, isn't it?

the things that people are chasing after, if any of those brought me true happiness, then I wouldn't be here.

Success? Been there done that. I was very academically brilliant, with name on the honor roll that kind of shit. It's more of a nerdy way of success but since I've had no life and always wanted no life I'd say I'd take it. It turned out to bring me far more misery than happiness lol. Why? Because it was like an addiction: short doses of high followed by long term confusion, withdrawal and misery. It was like the carrot in front of a donkey's head. The carrot can always be held higher in order to work the donkey harder. It was vanity and resulting constant state of deprivation. Part of me knew that this was all BS but the other part of me was afraid to let go of it, because I was afraid to see the whole truth that all the shit I suffered through was for no reason. Oh, why did I need to be addicted to such BS in the first place? Because I was in desperate need of a distraction so I could feel a bit better about myself and my miserable life. Nothing surprising.

Family? Never been fond of my original one and never want a new one. My original one is one of the major reasons why my life is miserable. Yeah, having a family full of selfish and narcissistic people that care about nothing other than themselves, and being forced to interact with them because I was too young to have any say? It's not fun. Having a family like this or not having a family? Just miserable in different ways.

Romantic love, friendships and relationships? One or two people wanted to be in a relationship with me, because I was "intelligent", "loving and caring", "blah blah blah"...Not many but since I'm nothing attractive and always boring again I'd take it. Turned out that nothing survived long enough for a relationship to be formed. It was not long before I realized that this whole game is just people wanting things from each other, and selling themselves out to keep the relationship going. If they want to be with you because you're "intelligent", they'll expect you to keep selling that intelligence to satisfy them; if they want to be with you because you're "loving and caring", they'll expect you to always be there and love and care for them the way *they* want you to. If someday you can't, or are not willing to do that anymore, they'll use a lot of tricks, emotional blackmail, etc. to keep getting those things from you, or just blatantly create drama, straight up blaming you for being unable to satisfy them. Of course, people seek relationships for satisfaction, and if it's not the case - the relationship is just plainly redundant.

Besides I consider myself stupid instead of intelligent actually, because of how easy it was to fool me into believing nonsense and get me hooked on that success addiction; also I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near loving and caring because I see the selfish and hedonistic nature in myself. If someone can't see that in me they're just delusional and blind, and you can just see how ugly the relationship is going to end up.

Now life to me is just to keep finding things to focus on, and forget about the fact that I exist. It feels so relieved that whether ctb or not one day it's gonna end. It's the greatest mercy from nature. At least I'm not trapped here forever or anything horrid like that. Please let this come to an end so I can go back to the void where I come from, free of any concern of me doing something stupid, getting cancer, the earth exploding or whatever. Such a relief.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I posted some evidence from evolution and brain science that shows there is no soul, no afterlife no reincarnation.

I don't get it how some people don't see that being conscious for trillions to the quadrillionth power years and beyond is something very horrific.

well to me it is very horrific

and how non-existence forever is much superior to that eternal consciousness rebirth, reincarnation afterlife and other fictional tales.

to me non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss no chance of pain, boredom , suffering problems bad memories 1000's of other horrible things that only happen in life / existence / consciousness

I imagine dwelling on bad memories for trillions of years, suffering extreme pain for quadrillions of years. just 90 years of this crap is too much but people believe and want there to be quintillions of years of consciousness. there is no power source to power the soul for septillions of years nor way this could be anyway . to me a few minutes of suffering is enough 90 years much too much , a trillon years much too much of a horror

actually imagine the worst pain or suffering : a few seconds of that is too much to me and nothing is worth that. but it's possible to suffer at that level for longer much longer. so existence / life / conscioussness is something i fear very much

i don't get it how religions were able to sell and brainwash this idea into so many

i believe after death is non-existence forever finally i rest

The nearest star to the sun is 25 trillion miles away.

In this video they visualize it , the Earth being the tiniest dot you can see and the next nearest star being the size of a country away :

To get an inkling of how big a number a trillion is :

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so relieved at the thought of eternally ceasing to exist, to me such a thing is the only relief, all that appeals to me is eternal non-existence where existence won't be my problem anymore and I won't have to deal with it. I'd always prefer to not exist than to have the ability to suffer in this hellish reality.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I posted some evidence from evolution and brain science that shows there is no soul, no afterlife no reincarnation.

I don't get it how some people don't see that being conscious for trillions to the quadrillionth power years and beyond is something very horrific.

well to me it is very horrific

and how non-existence forever is much superior to that eternal consciousness rebirth, reincarnation afterlife and other fictional tales.

to me non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss no chance of pain, boredom , suffering problems bad memories 1000's of other horrible things that only happen in life / existence / consciousness

I imagine dwelling on bad memories for trillions of years, suffering extreme pain for quadrillions of years. just 90 years of this crap is too much but people believe and want there to be quintillions of years of consciousness. there is no power source nor way this could be anyway . to me a few minutes of suffering is enough 90 years much too much , a trillon years much too much of a horror

actually imagine the worst pain or suffering : a few seconds of that is too much to me and nothing is worth that. but it's possible to suffer at that level for longer much longer. so existence / life / conscioussness is something i fear very much

i don't get it how religions were able to sell and brainwash this idea into so many

i believe after death is non-existence forever finally i rest

To get an inkling of how big a number a trillion is :

It's true lol I don't get how they find the concept of being conscious for eternity anything other than horrific.
I'm no expert on religions, spirituality or things like that, but I always have questions like "where will the souls be if the earth explodes, or if the physical manifestation gets completely annihilated and there's no chance for life to exist in current forms ever again?"
Of course it's no use asking a question like that, since people are just gonna keep making stories out of thin air. They're GOOD at that.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Life is pointless and meaningless and everything else is a distraction.
The world is rapidly descending into chaos on multiple fronts, yet most people are afraid to face the true nature of reality, because it's too horrifying for them to contemplate.
I find facing these horrors brings me comfort because it validates the fact that ctb is a logical choice in an increasingly insane world.
I desire complete non - existence and nothing else, consciousness is despicable to me.