TydalWave
Brutally Self-Aware
- Sep 20, 2022
- 436
Writing this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
As dark and as low as I have been these past weeks, I haven't shed a tear until writing this.
It is clear to me.
But I am deeply afraid of how I will impact my loved ones when I go.
I feel incredible shame and guilt for not being able to have these conversations while alive. Because they deserve them, but it cannot happen that way. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could take this suffering and I wish I could be there for them and share my love, ideas and creativity.
But I cannot survive anymore in this glass house.
As dark and as low as I have been these past weeks, I haven't shed a tear until writing this.
It is clear to me.
I am not afraid of death.
I am not afraid of the pain.
I am not afraid of what's after.
But I am deeply afraid of how I will impact my loved ones when I go.
I feel incredible shame and guilt for not being able to have these conversations while alive. Because they deserve them, but it cannot happen that way. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could take this suffering and I wish I could be there for them and share my love, ideas and creativity.
But I cannot survive anymore in this glass house.