Help i fell in love with a girl and encountered many difficulties

[Sebastian S S]

（My English is not very good, I'm sorry for that.）
What happened was counterproductive. When I learned that she had a lover, my mental state seemed to collapse instantly. I can't stop this from happening, and I can't say in front of her: "I need you, so you two must separate." This may be a ridiculous reason, but she really helped me a lot, and I am doing my best to repay the favor. Her kindness. However, the differences between people make us seem like people from different worlds. Later, due to some reasons, the two were no longer together. Judging from the current situation, she may already have a new lover. How can I get out of this because I really love her.
Maybe I should treat her like my best friend?
Treat her like your best friend? Trying your best to fight for this relationship? Wish her happiness? No matter what I did, it was very contradictory and left me in an unstable mental state, so I hated the world.

 

[MrShino]

How I see it, is that you have two options: Either do everything you can to make her yours, or choose to love her regardless and find happiness in that she is happy (if she is). The really selfless love would want the best for her, even if it is not you. I know that the last option is kind of an utopian ideal tho, and usually it rather hurts when she is with someone else instead.

 

[Againstthewind]

@Sebastian S S

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think maybe it would be healthy if you had some space from this person. Not in the idea of she doesn't love you so go your own way, but if you're already in a difficult mental state in terms of depression or whatever you are going through right now. You are going to form an unhealthy attachment to this person regardless of if they love you or not. As much as we wanna love someone and be loved, sometimes this can be problematic as it can be an unfortunate dangling carrot that we are trying to grab when I don't think this is something that is going to aid you.

It's great that somebody looked out for you, and you feel appreciative that they did so, but you don't want another problem to make you feel worse about yourself, since regardless of what's going on, that last line and what you wrote which, is the situation, the decision is making you feel terrible and make you hate the world. This is an unhealthy situation for yourself when you need to do everything in your power to make you feel better and rebuilding your own confidence and self-esteem

I don't wanna sound like a no at all so I apologise if I'm coming across that way it's just sometimes when someone acknowledges us, we are starved of attention that we take any attachment. We can find and hope that it's more than what it should be.

I say this to you, in that you create some hope for yourself, and for the future, it's going to be hard, it's not easy, but you have to be selfish for yourself, which is a good thing. :)

 

[Sebastian S S]

How I see it, is that you have two options: Either do everything you can to make her yours, or choose to love her regardless and find happiness in that she is happy (if she is). The really selfless love would want the best for her, even if it is not you. I know that the last option is kind of an utopian ideal tho, and usually it rather hurts when she is with someone else instead.

Thank you, I think I will try my best！

@Sebastian S S

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think maybe it would be healthy if you had some space from this person. Not in the idea of she doesn't love you so go your own way, but if you're already in a difficult mental state in terms of depression or whatever you are going through right now. You are going to form an unhealthy attachment to this person regardless of if they love you or not. As much as we wanna love someone and be loved, sometimes this can be problematic as it can be an unfortunate dangling carrot that we are trying to grab when I don't think this is something that is going to aid you.

It's great that somebody looked out for you, and you feel appreciative that they did so, but you don't want another problem to make you feel worse about yourself, since regardless of what's going on, that last line and what you wrote which, is the situation, the decision is making you feel terrible and make you hate the world. This is an unhealthy situation for yourself when you need to do everything in your power to make you feel better and rebuilding your own confidence and self-esteem

I don't wanna sound like a no at all so I apologise if I'm coming across that way it's just sometimes when someone acknowledges us, we are starved of attention that we take any attachment. We can find and hope that it's more than what it should be.

I say this to you, in that you create some hope for yourself, and for the future, it's going to be hard, it's not easy, but you have to be selfish for yourself, which is a good thing. :)

Thanks……! Maybe as you say, I have become dependent on her and crave more of her attention. I've been blinded by myself, and that's not a good thing. I'll try my best to change it.Thanks again for your help and encouragement！！^_^

 

[Linda]

My advice would be to find a different girl. In my experience, being madly in love with someone often does not lead to a satisfactory relationship. (It might if the other person was equally madly in love with you, but I have no experience of that.) Better to find a girl that you like and feel comfortable with, and let love grow over time. That will involve less drama, less heartache, and is more likely to be stable over time.