I feel watched again

[Myra_Toast]

I used to feel constantly watched, I used to be scared to change clothes, or to do things on my phone bcs I thought people could see through my camera and look at my screen. It stopped, but I feel like it's gotten worse. Now I can't do anything on my phone bcs I think I'm accidentally sending it to someone, or they're seeing what I'm doing/ seeing me. I don't want to do this again. Even posting this was difficult, I'm scared that 'posting' this makes it send to people I know, even though that's impossible, I'm just so paranoid for some reason

 

[lovesickmoon]

hey ! i totally understand what youre going through. My psychosis gives me severe paranoia too and it has, aswell, been getting worse for me. and i dont want to go on anti psychotics again. Im sending you lots of love and want you to know that youre so strong for writing this despite your paranoid thoughts.

much love <3

 

[020x]

anything happened in your life that made you very sensitive to those things? if you don't mind ofc

 

[SVEN]

We're just sending best wishes because we saw your post, not because you sent it anywhere you didn't mean to. What a horrid feeling to live with.

 

[Myra_Toast]

anything happened in your life that made you very sensitive to those things? if you don't mind ofc

Not really, might be bcs I hate when people view me negatively, maybe the stress of that built up to my paranoia

 

[winamp]

I relate to this a lot it got worse for me once I became more active online again and I absolutely hate front facing phone cameras, bluetooth, screen casting, etc. really feels like an invasion of privacy and make me really paranoid besides past experiences and traumatic events involving a lack of or invasion of privacy

modern technology and electronics are such a privacy nightmare

 

[020x]

Not really, might be bcs I hate when people view me negatively, maybe the stress of that built up to my paranoia

i believe you're right. in my case, my stress led up to my mental illness. which is why i asked you that. unfortunately, drugs were the only solution to my problem, luckily it's very affordable and not dangerous for me. i hope in your case, that you'll understand your paranoia, and eventually just accept your fear. if you resist your problems, they will only persist. hugs and best wishes to you!

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

It's horrible, all I can say is that I really hope that it goes away again but now permanently.

I used to be frightened at school, I had (still sometimes) social anxiety, and felt watched the whole time. Not at all by my phone as I didn't had one but as being observed by my classmates and teachers.
It was so bad that one day I had a quiz but the teacher forgot to give me the test, I was so terrified that when I got enough courage and asked him to give me one it had already passed 20-30 min.

 

[Zegers]

when i'm in an airbnb/hotel i feel like there are cameras/mics i guess it's paranoia. Annoying.

 

[bloodblacknothing]

that level of paranoia is exhausting, it really sucks. i'm always double-checking to see if i've somehow managed to pull up my contact list or something before i send anything to anyone.

i don't even know where the fear comes from, it's just always been there.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so awful and tiring what you have to endure, it's certainly such a cruel and dreadful existence where people suffer like this all through no fault of their own.

 

[pang of joy]

I used to feel constantly watched, I used to be scared to change clothes, or to do things on my phone bcs I thought people could see through my camera and look at my screen. It stopped, but I feel like it's gotten worse. Now I can't do anything on my phone bcs I think I'm accidentally sending it to someone, or they're seeing what I'm doing/ seeing me. I don't want to do this again. Even posting this was difficult, I'm scared that 'posting' this makes it send to people I know, even though that's impossible, I'm just so paranoid for some reason

Oh my god I've never related to something more in my life.

I used to change clothes in my tiny closet (it wasnt even a walk-in one so I could barely fit in it), shower with the lights off, cover all devices and the sides of the windows that the blinds dont cover when changing/in the bathroom, constantly do everything under the protection of my blankets, and even then I'd be paranoid. I used to genuinely believe people from my school would watch me through my window and could read my thoughts and see everything I was doing on my phone. "bcs I think I'm accidentally sending it to someone" This was too real. The amount of times I have to double check before sending someone a photo or anything of the sort is insane, and even then I'm overcome by anxiety that I'm sending it to the wrong person or posting it on my story for everyone to see.

It seriously takes a toll on you because of the constant fear of being exposed/vulnerable, and it's lead to a fixation on privacy for me. Recently tho it's kinda gotten better (although i still struggle with a lot of it.) but unfortunately I dont really have much advice because for me it just kind of eased with time (ALOT of time but time nonetheless.) But I'd suggest trying to reason with yourself using actual logic, for eg I used to tell myself "you're not that special so as that people from school are gonna be obsessed enough with you to wanna stalk you" lol. Or maybe just continue making sure ur cameras stay covered, if it puts your mind at ease. I know it's easier said than done, especially when the anxiety is uncontrollable but it's worth a try. I really hope you get better because dealing with this was seriously miserable.