Justnotme
I want to hang myself
- Mar 7, 2022
- 546
I have been feeling exhausted since my childhood.
I've had too little strength since I was a child, it's true.
Guys, I feel incredibly bad.
I wrote a lot of posts on this forum about why I feel bad and why my soul hurts.
I wrote about the cruel systems in this world, starting with the animal world, where animals gnaw at each other, experiencing fear and intense pain.
Animals, birds and fish are brutally killed for food.
Some people cruelly abuse animals.
People make videos about torturing someone, raping them, taking them into sexual slavery and getting paid for it.
The whole world is saturated with lies and lies.
We don't know our real History.
Wars and dismemberments are going on here all the time.
I'm getting older and feeling the dark side of the world more and more.
I can't work. I DON'T WANT TO WORK.
at the age of 20, I went to work for the first time.
And even then I had money problems.
I couldn't work all the time, so I saved up money to quit and stay at home.
I didn't pay my rent because the money I had saved was only enough for food.
My problems were not noticed in childhood.
Even as a child, I refused to go to kindergarten according to the system.
I often asked my parents to leave me at home.
I often skipped school because I hate this 5/2 system.
I often skipped my studies at the university.
I understand that even if I were rich, I would like to die, because everything that happens in the world is too terrible.
But I come from a poor family.
Now I am 27 years old and I have a lot of debts.
And my brain still can't die.
I'm cursed.
I'm tired of the injustice in this world.
I cry almost every day, asking the universe to stop bullying animals and using violence against people in the world. I'm asking you to stop trafficking people.
But nothing happens, of course.
I should have died when I was 4 years old.
Mom said that I got sick, stopped eating and drinking, I stopped responding to everything and the doctors couldn't help.
Mom said that she and my dad wrapped me in a blanket and didn't know what to do anymore since no one could help.
But there was a doctor who "saved" me.
I hate him now because he resurrected me for this slave cruel world.
People do nasty things when they need money.
And you know what?
I'M STILL AFRAID TO DIE.
I hate myself for that.
I am still afraid that I will become disabled because I will do something wrong.
I'm still afraid of physical pain.
And my brain has an incredibly strong instinct for self-preservation.
I can't even buy normal drugs to overdose on, because we don't make high-quality clean drugs and they cheat very often, so people don't get drugs in the end, and the money disappears.
I feel very bad.
I wanted to hang myself, having drunk alcohol and sleeping pills before that, so that I would fall into a noose and not feel the instinct of self-preservation.
But I'm still afraid that because of the sleeping pills, I won't be able to control the process, I'll hang myself incorrectly and suffocate while half-conscious.
Or....I don't know.. Something else might go wrong.
I've had too little strength since I was a child, it's true.
Guys, I feel incredibly bad.
I wrote a lot of posts on this forum about why I feel bad and why my soul hurts.
I wrote about the cruel systems in this world, starting with the animal world, where animals gnaw at each other, experiencing fear and intense pain.
Animals, birds and fish are brutally killed for food.
Some people cruelly abuse animals.
People make videos about torturing someone, raping them, taking them into sexual slavery and getting paid for it.
The whole world is saturated with lies and lies.
We don't know our real History.
Wars and dismemberments are going on here all the time.
I'm getting older and feeling the dark side of the world more and more.
I can't work. I DON'T WANT TO WORK.
at the age of 20, I went to work for the first time.
And even then I had money problems.
I couldn't work all the time, so I saved up money to quit and stay at home.
I didn't pay my rent because the money I had saved was only enough for food.
My problems were not noticed in childhood.
Even as a child, I refused to go to kindergarten according to the system.
I often asked my parents to leave me at home.
I often skipped school because I hate this 5/2 system.
I often skipped my studies at the university.
I understand that even if I were rich, I would like to die, because everything that happens in the world is too terrible.
But I come from a poor family.
Now I am 27 years old and I have a lot of debts.
And my brain still can't die.
I'm cursed.
I'm tired of the injustice in this world.
I cry almost every day, asking the universe to stop bullying animals and using violence against people in the world. I'm asking you to stop trafficking people.
But nothing happens, of course.
I should have died when I was 4 years old.
Mom said that I got sick, stopped eating and drinking, I stopped responding to everything and the doctors couldn't help.
Mom said that she and my dad wrapped me in a blanket and didn't know what to do anymore since no one could help.
But there was a doctor who "saved" me.
I hate him now because he resurrected me for this slave cruel world.
People do nasty things when they need money.
And you know what?
I'M STILL AFRAID TO DIE.
I hate myself for that.
I am still afraid that I will become disabled because I will do something wrong.
I'm still afraid of physical pain.
And my brain has an incredibly strong instinct for self-preservation.
I can't even buy normal drugs to overdose on, because we don't make high-quality clean drugs and they cheat very often, so people don't get drugs in the end, and the money disappears.
I feel very bad.
I wanted to hang myself, having drunk alcohol and sleeping pills before that, so that I would fall into a noose and not feel the instinct of self-preservation.
But I'm still afraid that because of the sleeping pills, I won't be able to control the process, I'll hang myself incorrectly and suffocate while half-conscious.
Or....I don't know.. Something else might go wrong.
