I feel sorry for my beautiful parents.

[Lifeaballache]

I can't get the vision out of my head of my parents finding out that I've gone.

They don't deserve it but I don't know what else to do. I feel like they will never be the same again and my mum will probably need counselling for the rest of her life.

She knows at the moment I'm not right, she can just tell but she doesn't know why, and has urged me to speak to my GP but I haven't let on that I'm suicidal.

She has made my flat her little project lately whereby she'll come round and put pictures up on the wall that I never got around to doing. She even bought me a mini dishwasher because she knows how much I hate doing the dishes.

I feel so guilty and Its getting to the point where I can't cope being around her because I feel like bursting into tears all the time I'm around her.

But however I cant stay here, God knows what method I'll finally bow out with but one thing I do know is they did not deserve a failure of a son like me.

 

[domedune]

Parents can't know where their children will end up. This is a risk they have to accept. Life does not always turn out the way we plan.

 

[catflowers]

what is up with everyone on this fucking forum having shitty parents mine are kicking me out fo being depressed i am done

 

[Lifeaballache]

what is up with everyone on this fucking forum having shitty parents mine are kicking me out fo being depressed i am done

My parents weren't shitty, but they weren't the most conventional of parents.

Me and my mum have grown ever so close since I moved out and that's another reason why it hurts.

Parents can't know where their children will end up. This is a risk they have to accept. Life does not always turn out the way we plan.

Amen. Life's a bitch and then you die.

 

[catflowers]

My parents weren't shitty, but they weren't the most conventional of parents.

Me and my mum have grown ever so close since I moved out and that's another reason why it hurts.

Amen. Life's a bitch and then you die.

I think you should stay close to your mom but try to focus on taking cae of yourself so it doesnt fucking hurt

 

[blackwidow]

they won't look at you as a failure.. they see you as the son they love,. and yes of course it will cripple them to lose you in any sort of way.. you have to decide what is best for you. if you decide that suicide is your only option then you have nothing to lose but to tell her.. maybe take on board her suggestion to see a doctor.. who knows they may help you. the recovery section on here has some good stories and advice people on here have and are going through similar to yours.. maybe worth a look.

 

[Lifeaballache]

they won't look at you as a failure.. they see you as the son they love,. and yes of course it will cripple them to lose you in any sort of way.. you have to decide what is best for you. if you decide that suicide is your only option then you have nothing to lose but to tell her.. maybe take on board her suggestion to see a doctor.. who knows they may help you. the recovery section on here has some good stories and advice people on here have and are going through similar to yours.. maybe worth a look.

Basically I face the possibility of going to prison. Would you want your parents to visit you there? I've had enough of trying and trying and getting shit in my face wherever I turn.

 

[catflowers]

Basically I face the possibility of going to prison. Would you want your parents to visit you there? I've had enough of trying and trying and getting shit in my face wherever I turn.

how do you go to prison for what you have done it is not that bad listen you might be getting shit thrown at you by other people in your life that you have to remember that it wont last forever

 

[blackwidow]

Basically I face the possibility of going to prison. Would you want your parents to visit you there? I've had enough of trying and trying and getting shit in my face wherever I turn.

I am a parent. and ide rather have my child alive and in prison than dead. but this has to be about you, and how much you no longer want to live.. the are hundreds of variables and reasons as to why people ctb.. thats why it takes some people so long to do it.. years even.. they have to be at peace with their decision, and I feel that your not.. but I maybe wrong.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a difficult situation to be in, it must be really hard having to deal with that. Living is just so painful. I wish you relief from your suffering.

 

[Ligottian]

As I've posted here before, I took a vow not to ctb until both of my parents had died. My mother died in 2015, my father about a year and a half later. Both in their 80's. If and when I ctb, I will have a clean conscience in that department.