Story I feel so weird

[ForeverBroken]

It's been a bit since I've been on here and I feel so strange about it now. I had been actively planning my own death and had even set a date for myself. Then a little over a month ago I received a phone call in the middle of the night that every parent dreads. My son had been in a car accident. But to add even more to it, he had intentionally wrecked his car to try and kill himself. He was alive and okay but I felt my heart drop to the floor. My son had been fighting his own demons for awhile but I never knew he felt this way. So anyway, he has been in recovery for the past month for his addictions and his mental health. He has put so much effort into feeling better that he looks like a new person. He looks healthier and seems to be on the road to being in a better place. He knows, as well as I do, that he will have ups and downs. But he's willing to try. I support pro-choice still but not when it involves my son. Now what this has done to my own mental health has been unexpected. I wanted to die so bad that I almost couldn't wait. I now feel questionable about it. The thought of losing my son was unbearable. I honestly don't want to do that to my family in that way either. But I also feel like a sell-out by being here. It's so confusing. I don't think that I want to CTB anymore ( at least for the moment) but I will support all of you in any way I can. What are your guys' thoughts on this? Please be kind.

 

[lita-lassi]

that's incredibly hard to have gone through there is a recovery section of the website for those wanting to possibly help themselves away from suicidal ideation. most of the people are quite lovely. im sure your son would massively appreciate that your mind changed once you found out that happened to him, but thats to you to assess on divulging. hope you both continue to do well in life together

 

[R_N]

I am really sorry for what happened and I hope his injuries are not that bad to deal with.

And about how it made you have a change of heart, you know best. If it gave you a reason to stay alive for your son I say why not.

And forget about being a 'sell-out', as long as you respect others and their decisions you are welcome here.

 

[lita-lassi]

And forget about being a 'sell-out', as long as you respect others and their decisions you are welcome here.

also this

 

[Final_Choice]

I don't think you're a sell-out or anything like that, you're pro-choice, your choice is just to live for your family and your son. So long as you don't go around blindly spreading meaningless words in the hopes to gaslight others to live, you're not pro-life. It's completely fine to want to live, at least for now, especially considering what you and your son went through.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

you guys need to talk openly on a regular basis because i can see if one goes, the other will follow. that's rough. sorry you're going through this. wish you both all the best.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I am really sorry for what happened and I hope his injuries are not that bad to deal with.

And about how it made you have a change of heart, you know best. If it gave you a reason to stay alive for your son I say why not.

And forget about being a 'sell-out', as long as you respect others and their decisions you are welcome here.

Thank you for you kindness. I really like being here among all of you. :)

that's incredibly hard to have gone through there is a recovery section of the website for those wanting to possibly help themselves away from suicidal ideation. most of the people are quite lovely. im sure your son would massively appreciate that your mind changed once you found out that happened to him, but thats to you to assess on divulging. hope you both continue to do well in life together

Thank you

I don't think you're a sell-out or anything like that, you're pro-choice, your choice is just to live for your family and your son. So long as you don't go around blindly spreading meaningless words in the hopes to gaslight others to live, you're not pro-life. It's completely fine to want to live, at least for now, especially considering what you and your son went through.

Thanks. I would never intentionally gaslight someone or anything like that. I just have a new perspective on life at the moment.