Help i feel so lost

[idontfeellikeimreal]

I have no idea what is wrong with me. But my ex (who was also my abuser) still doesn't seem like the worst person I've ever known. I always try to find reasons for his behavior, even though I don't understand him at all.
We were long distance and always spent time together playing games. We ALWAYS had something to talk about; there was rarely any silence because we never failed to find something to discuss.
I miss that. I miss the constant conversations and the absence of silence. I miss being the priority. Now, I feel like I'm just a backup for everyone.
Why does nobody prioritize me? Why is it so boring to talk to other people or to new people I actually like? It's like I NEED them to text me back, talk to me, and hang out with me. But I also get bored easily and want them to leave me alone a lot too. Can I not make up my mind for once?

Why is everything so complicated, and why do I overthink everything anyone says. Like I get all crazy all of a sudden and complain about everything they do, even tho they didn't change ANYTHING at all.

 

[derpyderpins]

You got really close to someone who then completely betrayed your trust by abusing you. It's completely understandable that it would throw off your view of relationships. You also got this one central relationship to the endgame and then lost it. It's like your jenga tower fell down, and now it's really boring to start building at the bottom again, plus you're afraid of the tower falling again.

You might have to step away and work on yourself for a bit. Or, consciously approach new relationships understanding that you will have some unique difficulties, not because of anything you did wrong, but because this abuser hurt you. You're working through trauma, don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

You got really close to someone who then completely betrayed your trust by abusing you. It's completely understandable that it would throw off your view of relationships. You also got this one central relationship to the endgame and then lost it. It's like your jenga tower fell down, and now it's really boring to start building at the bottom again, plus you're afraid of the tower falling again.

You might have to step away and work on yourself for a bit. Or, consciously approach new relationships understanding that you will have some unique difficulties, not because of anything you did wrong, but because this abuser hurt you. You're working through trauma, don't be too hard on yourself.

I haven't ever gotten such a good example for how I am feeling.
Thank you so much, I have been talking to someone new, it's just difficult to trust him, but there truly isn't anything suspicious he's doing. I constantly think that he is talking to other people to get to know them and stuff, even tho he clearly isn't. He just has a life and he let's me be a part of it. I still always find a way to complain about it tho..

 

[derpyderpins]

I haven't ever gotten such a good example for how I am feeling.
Thank you so much, I have been talking to someone new, it's just difficult to trust him, but there truly isn't anything suspicious he's doing. I constantly think that he is talking to other people to get to know them and stuff, even tho he clearly isn't. He just has a life and he let's me be a part of it. I still always find a way to complain about it tho..

Happy to help. We need an outside perspective sometime. I think it's great that you're trying again. Don't feel the need to put too much pressure on it. It takes most people a lot of looking before they find a good one! It takes a long time to build trust, and will take you even longer than most. Don't give up on it. There are good people who won't hurt you.

And it's okay to be a little irrational sometimes and complain. Just be sure to apologize and make sure he knows you are trying to do better. We've all got issues.

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

Happy to help. We need an outside perspective sometime. I think it's great that you're trying again. Don't feel the need to put too much pressure on it. It takes most people a lot of looking before they find a good one! It takes a long time to build trust, and will take you even longer than most. Don't give up on it. There are good people who won't hurt you.

And it's okay to be a little irrational sometimes and complain. Just be sure to apologize and make sure he knows you are trying to do better. We've all got issues.

Well, he knows for sure that I'm trying my best. I try to make up for it a lot and not be too annoying and clingy. I am trying my best at giving him a lot of space aswell.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

Sounds like you are struggling with codependency, which is really easy to do in a relationship ship like yours. It makes the aftermath of the breakup more painful than the hard times when you were together. I can relate.

From my own experience, we will never be anyone but a romantic partner's or possibly family if you have a healthy/stable one's priority. Our world has become too selfish and self consumed. People are care about self pleasure than the betterment of others.

I used to dream someone would save me but I had to accept that no one will because it's very rare to find someone who is willing to give another soul the time and space to be truly empathetic of who they are.

And with that being said and to not be a total downer.. even if you don't have that long term established happiness of someone that makes you a priority. I think happiness can be found in little moments. For me (ik it sounds cliche), the sun in my face after being indoors all day or seeing blooming flowers gives me a kernel of happiness. Moments like that float away easily so I have to make a conscious effort to hold tight to them and savor them. It's not the stable happiness you get from a committed relationship, but it's a different kind where you can exist in a state of wonder where a new kernel of happiness could be right around the corner.