I feel so guilty…

[saturn1402]

On the surface, I have everything—looks, a good job, good health. But inside, I feel nothing but an unbearable emptiness and incredible pain. I've come to hate everything about myself, even the things I once loved.

All it took was one person, one bad relationship (I m not blaming the other person, I'm blaming myself for being so weak), to strip away all light and purpose from my life.

And I feel so damn guilty for feeling this way. I know there are people facing unimaginable struggles—battling illness, living in poverty, carrying the weight of lifelong mental health issues. I know my pain shouldn't compare. But no matter what I try to do and how much I try to be strong, I feel dead inside already…

I've been crying non stop for the past 6 months. I am ashamed to be out (although I force myself to be social ) because I developed a horrible body image disorder, I feel disgusting every time I look at the mirror. I am tired of living, tired of pretending to be alive.

And mostly I hate myself for being so weak cause I know most people take breakups easy. Most people recover from toxic relationships and move on. Most people would just say 'fuck it, he was a liar and cheater' but I can't. I still love him. I am still grateful for everything good he has done for me. I still wish him all the happiness in the world.

 

[bobblong]

Have you seek professional help ? Since you have the money to do so.

 

[saturn1402]

Have you seek professional help ? Since you have the money to do so.

I did. Tried literally everything… idk what's wrong with me but going to therapists and even taking meds didn't do anything

 

[DivineSpark]

Sometimes I feel like I have no right to feel miserable, anxious and bad because I have so many good things in life. I should be grateful.

 

[bobblong]

Maybe...discuss this with family for emotional support? Anyone in your family you can trust ?

 

[saturn1402]

Maybe...discuss this with family for emotional support? Anyone in your family you can trust ?

I did speak so much to them and my closest friends. I have been super open about it… but it became pointless because they don't understand and I am tired of being such an emotional burden

 

[waterbaby100]

You certainly aren't a burden. And being unwell or depressed isn't about what you own, who loves you , what you have. It strikes without rhyme or reason. Yes a lot of people may have additional health or financial concerns but that doesn't in validate how you feel. I think know how you feel. Because I also feel that way

 

[girlwitharose]

I get you. I struggled with this too. No amount of therapy or pills can null the love or attachment you have with someone. It took me over a year to get over my boyfriend who did nothing but cheat. Yes, there was for sure good times where I was so happy but there was also times where I wanted to die. I think to myself "would my future husband make me feel this way?" As much as I wanted it to be him, it's not. And as much as it had hurt, I forced myself to accept it and that took months. I'm still not over the cheating and the lies, I believe that betrayal is lifelong. But it does get better, you do meet new people as much as you'll despise it in the beginning, you will feel more loved and love more. You can always DM me and I will listen to you. I hope you get better <3

 

[bobblong]

You're not a burden to me :) , I can always lend an ear to your troubles .