I feel so guilty for wanting to ctb but I can’t deal with my life

[trulyfeelhopeless]

I want to, I feel like I need to. To escape the pain that is my every day life as of right now, my thoughts, my anxiety, my depression. BUT I feel such a sense of guilt for what it's going to do to my loved ones. I wanted to do it at home, but then my mom or friends will most likely be the ones to find me which I can't stomach doing to anyone, I can't just do it somewhere random bc if I'm never found (I know unlikely but still a chance) they'll live the rest of their lives thinking Im missing or god knows what happened to me. I can't escape this feeling and it racks me to my soul.

 

[cambrai33]

Sorry you feel like this, I can't really talk to you here but if you post something in recovery I'm happy to chat things out if you like.

 

[trulyfeelhopeless]

I just want to disappear

 

[cambrai33]

Like I said I'm here if you want to talk it out but it has to be in the recovery thread

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be a difficult situation to be in, not wanting to cause pain to others. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. However we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, and there is nothing selfish about suicide as we did not ask to exist in the first place. If you do decide to ctb, the only thing I can suggest is writing a note to others which may give them some closure, saying there is nothing you could have done and things like that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Cherry xoxo]

I just want to disappear

I know how you feel, I planned to ctb tomorrow but constant guilt of my family and friends has just been eatting away at me.
I also wish I could just disappear.

 

[EraseRewind]

I just want to disappear

I have tried to disappear, but this world tracks you down and drags you down. I had six good years and then someone started to ask questions and they have me again.

I'm ready to quit this, let me tell everyone there are no second chances, your past will always resurface. I was a fool to think I could try again. I guess I've got a serious decision to make, I'd given myself a year and 4 months in it looks like they win.

I wish everyone some peace of mind and happiness at this time of year.

 

[trulyfeelhopeless]

It can be a difficult situation to be in, not wanting to cause pain to others. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. However we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, and there is nothing selfish about suicide as we did not ask to exist in the first place. If you do decide to ctb, the only thing I can suggest is writing a note to others which may give them some closure, saying there is nothing you could have done and things like that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you, I feel so selfish bc of the pain it will cause. This is my fave line- the pain you feel will be passed onto those grieving bc of your loss- makes me feel like absolute shit

I know how you feel, I planned to ctb tomorrow but constant guilt of my family and friends has just been eatting away at me.
I also wish I could just disappear.

If it was that easy my god I'd be gone tomorrow

I have tried to disappear, but this world tracks you down and drags you down. I had six good years and then someone started to ask questions and they have me again.

I'm ready to quit this, let me tell everyone there are no second chances, your past will always resurface. I was a fool to think I could try again. I guess I've got a serious decision to make, I'd given myself a year and 4 months in it looks like they win.

I wish everyone some peace of mind and happiness at this time of year.

Can't even enjoy your Xmas emojis that's how low I feel, I wish I could just run away from my life, but like you said the past will always catch up w you

 

[steviewonder]

I want to, I feel like I need to. To escape the pain that is my every day life as of right now, my thoughts, my anxiety, my depression. BUT I feel such a sense of guilt for what it's going to do to my loved ones. I wanted to do it at home, but then my mom or friends will most likely be the ones to find me which I can't stomach doing to anyone, I can't just do it somewhere random bc if I'm never found (I know unlikely but still a chance) they'll live the rest of their lives thinking Im missing or god knows what happened to me. I can't escape this feeling and it racks me to my soul.

I couldn't imagine my dad finding me dead. It would destroy him

 

[trulyfeelhopeless]

I couldn't imagine my dad finding me dead. It would destroy him

And that is what keeps me from really planning the ctb it gives me anxiety

 

[ImpatientForIdeas]

If there was any way I could just make people forget I existed so I could ctb in peace I so would

 

[trulyfeelhopeless]

If there was any way I could just make people forget I existed so I could ctb in peace I so would

Me too, just want to disappear and it's out of convenience for me and obviously to save ppl from the hurt and pain of me ctbing