Venting I feel so fragile

[pochii]

Every time my mother gets mad at me I just shut down and feel like such a failure. All the suicidal thoughts come in and I start having all my other thoughts and just think of every way I could be harming myself for being so awful. But then I also hate how something like that affects me so much. I tell myself I just cant handle it but idk thats so weak. idkkkkkk its all blahh