I totally get what you mean and I am so sorry that you arevstruggling so much.
I have to cook all three meals for tomorrow for 11 people - I always dread this time of the year and feel totally isolated and lonely (brilliant at masking though and no one has worked this out). In some ways, it can be harder to feel lonely whilst amongst people.
I have a couple who are dear friends who are working on their house tomorrow alone - they don't have any family, dread Christmas and prefer to focus on the work. Honestly when we talked about how Ibspend Christmas, we all agreed that all of us are feeling lonely in our own ways. No competition. It is just horrible when we have to mask all day long and there is no let up. I hope you have some time to yourself. Take care.