I feel like this is the only place that understands me

[Tintypographer]

Everywhere else and everyone else in my life either wants me to just be positive or says in one of those condemning clear boundary ways "I'm sorry you feel so bad, I hope you feel better".

But the truth is I won't. There isn't a way unless magically some sort of positive influence switch occurs in my brain or I can rewrite the past and fix millions of bad decisions.

The people here understand what it's like to know that your only and absolute desire is to either change what happened or stop existing. They label it dichotomous thinking or try to get you to change the negative no win situation but it's absolutely true. I realize this places my friends and family in the situation of having to deal with someone chronically in a no win situation but that's basically what depression is. I either somehow magically forget everything and erase years of my life or March forward feeling terrible and like I want to die every day. And the other loop is "hey, just don't think negative thoughts and have sunshine and ponies and balloon animals and know that life is better if you just will it to be so in the meadow of eternal optimistic wildflowers".

People see the thoughts in a suicidal person as something that can just be willfully controlled. If I could just positive snap out of this I would not have had 20 something years of ineffective therapy and chronic depression.

Never waking up is the dream!!

 

[AntiCycleAN]

I completely agree. I think most people have never experienced true existential despair or crippling anxiety like many on this forum have, and could not imagine someone viewing death as their only escape.

They think of depression or a hatred of life as something that can be cured, or overcome though simple means. Though there are people that have lower levels of depression or anxiety that could be "cured", I or other people on this forum are not. I have developed a deep hatred of life, and every positive thought I have is overwhelmed by a negative one. I no longer see a purpose to fighting my depression or anxiety, and instead wish to exit the world which creates it.

 

[WornOutLife]

I couldn't agree more.
SS has made me less suicidal and works much better than therapy and my meds.

Thanks for existing!

 

[Tintypographer]

Yes, I agree! This site is so positive in my life and it's not because people are dying. It's because people here understand. This is a positive place where there isn't the set of only happy memory photos and prom pictures and loving photos of someone hugging you. This is a place where you can share that you wake up hating everything and everyone and the people here don't make the mistake of just sending you off to therapy. This is a place where I at least have a fighting chance vs dealing with family who came even possibly understand how much I loathe myself and my life. Not one single person out in the broad community of happytown is willing to state "I understand that there is depression that is incurable like a cancer and that it's almost impossible to fight and that the paralysis and desire to give up can take you to the most horrible depths without warning.".

That will never be said by an over protective friend or family member. I wonder how many lives could be saved from suicide by working on the real problems of serious mental health.

No progress so far!

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I agree! This site is so positive in my life and it's not because people are dying. It's because people here understand. This is a positive place where there isn't the set of only happy memory photos and prom pictures and loving photos of someone hugging you. This is a place where you can share that you wake up hating everything and everyone and the people here don't make the mistake of just sending you off to therapy. This is a place where I at least have a fighting chance vs dealing with family who came even possibly understand how much I loathe myself and my life. Not one single person out in the broad community of happytown is willing to state "I understand that there is depression that is incurable like a cancer and that it's almost impossible to fight and that the paralysis and desire to give up can take you to the most horrible depths without warning.".

That will never be said by an over protective friend or family member. I wonder how many lives could be saved from suicide by working on the real problems of serious mental health.

No progress so far!

Beautiful and accurate words! You should post a thread with them too haha.

Just as you said, we're not happy because people come here looking for methods to ctb. We're glad to be here because people ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL AND WE CAN UNDERSTAND THEM!

That, my dear fixthe26 friends (jk, you're not my friends at all), is the way we want the world to be with us too. What about changing the system and instead of putting us in a psych ward immediately and giving us 19191 meds (which end up ruining our lives), just trying to understand the way we really feel?

If I was a therapist, reading SS would help me lots to help my patients much more!

Anyway, I love SS! :)