I feel like there is something inherently wrong and unlikable about me

[Utter_emptiness]

Idk why i'm still pushing and giving my pathetic existence multiple chances after proving its pointlessness numerous times. i was meant to die, a long time ago yet i'm still pushing and procrastinating my suicide date because i'm such a pussy.
The human consciousness is such a hard concept to grasp but with the presence of the right people, it can make life a little bearable, unfortunately for me i have no one.
I was dropped by both of my closest friends at the beginning of February/end of January and it was a pretty nasty breakup. They told me the worst things anyone can hear about themselves, that i'm manipulative, a liar, a heinous person, a monster and an actress who pretends to be a good person but is rotten from the inside. i just can't get those words out of my head and i'm still dwelling on whether or not these things about me are true.
Making friends has always been an obstacle for me because there is something people just despise about my presence, i was never able to point it out though. Add to that, my irreligious stance and you'll have a lonely 21 year old woman.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry you are feeling so alone and suicidal
I am an outcast in this world too and it's absolutely awful to feel suicidal and have no one to turn to or talk to
I hope you find some friends soon and I hope interacting with some of us here makes you feel less alone
Please keep updating us on your life and situation

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally don't hate myself but I can see that I'm fundamentally unlikeable too by the majority of people. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you find peace soon

 

[Malaria]

I relate a lot to what you're saying. People tell me I beat myself up too much and that I'm "delusional" in my self loathing, but imo I don't beat myself up enough. I feel like a failure who can't do anything right.

 

[casandranova29]

Idk why i'm still pushing and giving my pathetic existence multiple chances after proving its pointlessness numerous times. i was meant to die, a long time ago yet i'm still pushing and procrastinating my suicide date because i'm such a pussy.
The human consciousness is such a hard concept to grasp but with the presence of the right people, it can make life a little bearable, unfortunately for me i have no one.
I was dropped by both of my closest friends at the beginning of February/end of January and it was a pretty nasty breakup. They told me the worst things anyone can hear about themselves, that i'm manipulative, a liar, a heinous person, a monster and an actress who pretends to be a good person but is rotten from the inside. i just can't get those words out of my head and i'm still dwelling on whether or not these things about me are true.
Making friends has always been an obstacle for me because there is something people just despise about my presence, i was never able to point it out though. Add to that, my irreligious stance and you'll have a lonely 21 year old woman.

This sounds exactly like something that my ex-girlfriend would have said. She is a lovely human.

 

[Linda]

I relate a lot to what you're saying. People tell me I beat myself up too much and that I'm "delusional" in my self loathing, but imo I don't beat myself up enough. I feel like a failure who can't do anything right.

You might feel like a failure, but that doesn't mean other people regard you as one. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't.

 

[Malaria]

You might feel like a failure, but that doesn't mean other people regard you as one. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't.

I appreciate it

 

[Linda]

Idk why i'm still pushing and giving my pathetic existence multiple chances after proving its pointlessness numerous times. i was meant to die, a long time ago yet i'm still pushing and procrastinating my suicide date because i'm such a pussy.
The human consciousness is such a hard concept to grasp but with the presence of the right people, it can make life a little bearable, unfortunately for me i have no one.
I was dropped by both of my closest friends at the beginning of February/end of January and it was a pretty nasty breakup. They told me the worst things anyone can hear about themselves, that i'm manipulative, a liar, a heinous person, a monster and an actress who pretends to be a good person but is rotten from the inside. i just can't get those words out of my head and i'm still dwelling on whether or not these things about me are true.
Making friends has always been an obstacle for me because there is something people just despise about my presence, i was never able to point it out though. Add to that, my irreligious stance and you'll have a lonely 21 year old woman.

Don't worry about being irreligious. That proves you're sane. It's religious people who are delusional.
Can you find someone you know, not necessarily a close friend, but someone you can trust, to whom you can speak honestly and who you know will give you honest answers? You could ask for feedback about how you come across to other people. If any of those answers don't seem to make sense, you could press for more details. Then you can start comparing how other people see you with how you see yourself. (If you can't find anyone to do that, I expect a therapist could do it, but therapy costs money.) Once you know how you look "from the outside" and also "from the inside" you can start figuring out what, if anything, you need to do next.