Help I feel like such a total loser

[anhedonicNfoggy]

I planned to make a resume but never really got to it. I say I'll do LeetCode. I say I'll apply for internships. I say I'll do projects.

Idk I'm so lost. I just do the bare minimum. I skip classes. I do my hwk by simply asking ChatGPT or Google. I cram for exams. I say I'll be better after panicking if I'll be detected for plagiarism but I never really change.

I'm such a baby. I can't even take care of myself. I skip meals all the time and I rarely drink water. I hate going outside bc being around people makes me stiff and uncomfortable.

I got no real friends bc I act weird and am no fun. Instead of having hobbies, I just hide in bed and scroll on my phone. I am quiet and lack a sense of humor. My roommates dread when I'm around. I'm esp weird bc sometimes I go a day in bed not showering and when I shower I end up spending like an hour or more in the bathroom. My laundry seems to pile up so I end up having to do 3-4 loads of laundry in a week and I start that at like midnight and arrive back to my room at like 2:30 am

I'm a massive loser. I tell myself things should be alright bc I'm not failing my college classes. But that's all there is to it. Idek when or if I'll get a job. And a job with a decent salary after spending thousands and thousands of dollars my dumbass didn't appreciate bc my parents paid for it and not loans.

I just hate the idea of applying and like nearly 100% of the time getting rejected. Tbh even when it came to applying for college, I just wanted to hide away and so it was actually my brother that helped me with my essays and my mom who submitted the application bc I didn't even want to think of what colleges to apply to. I just hate that life will just be all about being good enough for a job. It really makes me think I should and absolutely should end myself. It feels logical like why go thru this trouble. But I know part of me knows I shouldn't as to not burden my parents. But if I'm dead, at least I won't financially burden my parents. But I know they'll think it's a big deal if I die and blame themselves. So I shouldn't but thinking about getting a job makes me that nauseous

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I just hate the idea of applying and like nearly 100% of the time getting rejected.

Hello,
I'm so sorry for your situation, and though I don't have any words to solace you, but I've ever attempted to hang myself because of rejection, so I want to say you are not alone...

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry for your current situation and all the struggles you are experiencing. The college experience seems to have changed a lot since I went through school. I have a kid who shares some of your feelings. He drags his feet when applying and making decisions about what he'd like to do. But as a parent, I would prefer that he simply say "I don't know what I want to do, but this ain't it" over a ctb attempt.

Since you posted in the Recovery forum, I'm assuming that either you'd prefer recovery or haven't decided a path. Unfortunately, I don't think that either path is easy, and each will have its own challenges. But one road leads to a literal dead end, while the other leads to choices and hard work (and, yes, pain and suffering, but also the potential for happiness, fun and joy).

Is it possible that school isn't for you? It's not for everyone, but I know our society places such a high value on it. Would you be happier if you weren't at school?

Applying for internships/jobs these days is incredibly impersonal, and leads to a high level of rejection (or no responses). It's NOT you! It's the crappy process that relies too much on technology to screen applicants. I realize this is hard (I've been there), but the best way to find that job is to network - meet people in the field you want to work in. Don't outright ask them for a job, but talk to them about their job. Ask for an introduction to someone else, and keep the process going.

Last thing I would suggest is to simply give yourself a break. Again, easier said then done, but maybe not be so hard on yourself for procrastinating doing the laundry, or spending a day in bed.

If you need that first person to start your network, or just need someone to talk to, you are welcome to DM me. Wishing that tomorrow is better for you than today.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I planned to make a resume but never really got to it. I say I'll do LeetCode. I say I'll apply for internships. I say I'll do projects.

Idk I'm so lost. I just do the bare minimum. I skip classes. I do my hwk by simply asking ChatGPT or Google. I cram for exams. I say I'll be better after panicking if I'll be detected for plagiarism but I never really change.

I'm such a baby. I can't even take care of myself. I skip meals all the time and I rarely drink water. I hate going outside bc being around people makes me stiff and uncomfortable.

I got no real friends bc I act weird and am no fun. Instead of having hobbies, I just hide in bed and scroll on my phone. I am quiet and lack a sense of humor. My roommates dread when I'm around. I'm esp weird bc sometimes I go a day in bed not showering and when I shower I end up spending like an hour or more in the bathroom. My laundry seems to pile up so I end up having to do 3-4 loads of laundry in a week and I start that at like midnight and arrive back to my room at like 2:30 am

I'm a massive loser. I tell myself things should be alright bc I'm not failing my college classes. But that's all there is to it. Idek when or if I'll get a job. And a job with a decent salary after spending thousands and thousands of dollars my dumbass didn't appreciate bc my parents paid for it and not loans.

I just hate the idea of applying and like nearly 100% of the time getting rejected. Tbh even when it came to applying for college, I just wanted to hide away and so it was actually my brother that helped me with my essays and my mom who submitted the application bc I didn't even want to think of what colleges to apply to. I just hate that life will just be all about being good enough for a job. It really makes me think I should and absolutely should end myself. It feels logical like why go thru this trouble. But I know part of me knows I shouldn't as to not burden my parents. But if I'm dead, at least I won't financially burden my parents. But I know they'll think it's a big deal if I die and blame themselves. So I shouldn't but thinking about getting a job makes me that nauseous

I just think college isn't for you.

If you do proceed, I do suggest you try to learn the material. I only say this because college tends to build upon itself and it can be harder if you move to a class that builds on a previous one.

I don't know what programming language you're learning (I'm assuming computer science or other similar major due to the mention of leetcode), but maybe I can help you find some learning resources :)

And I agree with @HighFlight on a lot of things, especially their statement about the job market being impersonal and very quick to reject. This is especially true in computer science and other similar fields. The competition and saturation is pretty high in the field at the entry level but it's all a numbers game. Apply to as many as you can, quick fire them. If you want, you can even use ChatGPT to custom tailor cover letters for a job. Your college might offer services for a resume as well if that's something you may be interested in.

Most importantly, be easy on yourself. You seem to be very critical of yourself and I definitely feel that way sometimes. I think you should be easy on yourself.

Feel free to message me or start a private conversation with me. I'll try to be as useful as I can be!

 

[Parnate]

We'll try medicine, particularly Mao inhibitors, they can help a lot.

 

[dangero]

I have a big social phobia, everyone rejected me whether at work or school. I approached two times to study computer science, I always failed a subject because I didn't study at all. I have straw enthusiasm, I procrastinate. I used to go to college very depressed, nailed down, I was in constant depression. Students rejected me, said I was ugly, so they don't want to associate with me.

Everyone says I'm not fully male, they say I fit into the lgbt community, that I'm homosexual because that's the face I have. At school they said Im bisexual.

I think the only thing that can help is medication and therapy. Medication as strong as possible, such as paroxetine or sertraline. I think people like me may also find testosterone injections helpful.

 

[TooConscious]

From what I see you perhaps just feel you lack energy or struggle to direct it and you end up being far too hard on yourself because you're trying to be responsible. Which is a quality less people seem to have.

Maybe use your intelligence to realize you are not less than
And have plenty of good in you to do your part however you eventually see fit
It's the system and people who love it out of greed too much that seem to want so many of us to feel like human trash if we don't keep up with the ever changing gizmos and start writing into our DNA to worry about petty shit rather than the daily needs , shelter warmth etc
Good luck to you and anyone suffering this world.