I feel like nothing but a freak, its the worst feeling ever

[FireFox]

My god I wish I didn't feel this way but I just feel like a freak. The years of male rejection,humiliation especially from guys I loved and years of hurt has made me feel like a total freak and the main cause of the deep self loathing I am tormented by.

I feel so guilty absolutely guilty and replused even for having these feelings I hate having dark brown eyes and black hair I just feel they are dull and boring features I genuinely can not see the beauty at all. I stood up for myself against the builles at school but it has messed me up in so many ways too especially into adulthood. I absolutely hate my features i was born with because constant disrespect, rejection and worst of all being ignored from the boys and men I loved throughout my life.

The black boys in my class always made fun of the black girls appearance I was a regular target of their bullying whereas they were more nicer to the white girls and wanted relationships with them. As a teenager the boys I liked always ended up with girls who were white. I was confident as a teenager but still the boys always ignored me or buillied me because they saw me as freak or worst of didn't want to seen with at me at school because they didn't want to be associated with the school freak. My family said just wear "more makeup boys" like guys who were make up, I wore up make up properly but still the guys ignored me. Being a black teenage girl the jokes about us were norm at school but the white girls were seen as attractive. It was awful witnessing and experiencing.

I used to envy girls with blonde hair and blue eyes because they looked so pretty, had boys like them and their features always stood out whereas me having black hair and dark brown eyes I just felt like my features were so plain and boring. As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was so clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did. She was not even a nice person and actually mean to me.

My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even white seeing him look at her it hurt because I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have boys like you. I wished I was her the attractive blonde girl society and everyone finds attractive and notices.

I have a low weight and obessed with being thinner as I see my body as the only perfect feature I have. I get more compliments over my body. All I know is I am dying at 30 because I finally can't cope anymore with the pain. I used to be so confident and happy but I have no chance of ever being loved. I wish I was born blonde and blue eyed guys will wants me and notice me and I will be loved for once

 

[jodes2]

There's nothing wrong with brown eyes and black hair! Of course you have a chance of being loved, everyone does. I'm sorry you feel like a freak, school is horrible for many. Things people say and do cause a lot of hurt but once school's over, things change for the better, it's easier not to compare one's self to others which causes all the pain. Have you tried a dating site or app?

 

[virgilwalks]

Your life has worth. You are more than the color of your skin and hair and eyes,

 

[Hollowillow]

My god I wish I didn't feel this way but I just feel like a freak. The years of male rejection,humiliation especially from guys I loved and years of hurt has made me feel like a total freak and the main cause of the deep self loathing I am tormented by.

I feel so guilty absolutely guilty and replused even for having these feelings I hate having dark brown eyes and black hair I just feel they are dull and boring features I genuinely can not see the beauty at all. I stood up for myself against the builles at school but it has messed me up in so many ways too especially into adulthood. I absolutely hate my features i was born with because constant disrespect, rejection and worst of all being ignored from the boys and men I loved throughout my life.

The black boys in my class always made fun of the black girls appearance I was a regular target of their bullying whereas they were more nicer to the white girls and wanted relationships with them. As a teenager the boys I liked always ended up with girls who were white. I was confident as a teenager but still the boys always ignored me or buillied me because they saw me as freak or worst of didn't want to seen with at me at school because they didn't want to be associated with the school freak. My family said just wear "more makeup boys" like guys who were make up, I wore up make up properly but still the guys ignored me. Being a black teenage girl the jokes about us were norm at school but the white girls were seen as attractive. It was awful witnessing and experiencing.

I used to envy girls with blonde hair and blue eyes because they looked so pretty, had boys like them and their features always stood out whereas me having black hair and dark brown eyes I just felt like my features were so plain and boring. As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was so clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did. She was not even a nice person and actually mean to me.

My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even white seeing him look at her it hurt because I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have boys like you. I wished I was her the attractive blonde girl society and everyone finds attractive and notices.

I have a low weight and obessed with being thinner as I see my body as the only perfect feature I have. I get more compliments over my body. All I know is I am dying at 30 because I finally can't cope anymore with the pain. I used to be so confident and happy but I have no chance of ever being loved. I wish I was born blonde and blue eyed guys will wants me and notice me and I will be loved for once

I'm sorry that my white race enslaved your people and made you believe that Hitler's ideal of beauty is the only beauty.

Please hate us instead. Unlike you, we deserve it.

 

[TigerFestival]

I'm sorry that my white race enslaved your people and made you believe that Hitler's ideal of beauty is the only beauty.

Please hate us instead. Unlike you, we deserve it.

Please don't talk like that. You had nothing to do with any of it since you weren't born at the time.

 

[Hollowillow]

Please don't talk like that. You had nothing to do with any of it since you weren't born at the time.

Thank you but I'm still ashamed of my roots, and I wanted her to hear an apology. On behalf of my ancestors, I'm sorry that it lead to this. She's a prisonner in her own mind... I wish her so much to be free.

She could wear flashy colors, die a strand of hairs or add artificial braids hair extentions with exotic colors. I wish africans were taught african culture... Rap about pimping women isn't true culture from africa... I saw barely nothing... I wish we gave them back their pride instead to make them feel like they have to immitate the impossible.

Asians also have brown & brown. Their eyes are gorgeous.

 

[y'ffre]

I am attracted to every race equally even beauty don't important that much sometimes I look at two-people standing side by side and I find the "uglier" one more attractive. Sometimes the other way around. (I am not telling you that you are ugly don't get me wrong pls). All I am saying is that not everyone is like the people around you, being attracted to someone is a much more complicated thing. You can't approach that like a math problem.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel. I'm sorry that you suffer so much and were treated that way. It sounds like the other people are the problem. I wish you the best.

 

[Foresight]

It's difficult because our experiences shape us. I can sit here all day and tell you the world is expansive and there are a lot of people who appreciate your features. It sounds like a long, traumatic, difficult period in your life in a little place shaped your view of yourself. Then it becomes your truth and carries on beyond that time as a self fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately, as someone paralyzled by my experiences with others I know this feeling. Trying to convince yourself otherwise feels like a lie because you have a stack of memories from bullies that seem to prove that you're unwanted. Those people built a prison for you in your mind.

The truth is teenagers are highly influenced by peer pressure. If the media says white blondes are the definition of beauty they will follow the trends. Once we reach adulthood we start thinking for ourselves more and analyzing our perspectives. That's why some people who were bullied in school thrive later in life in an environment where people think more. I'm sure if you sat down with some of those fully grown bullies they would tell you they're sorry and you are wanted.

The wounds are not easy to heal though. Bullying is borderline murder in some cases for vulnerable people. I know the things that have been said and done to me are in my head every day of my life. I live in fear of further rejection and hatred. It's such a difficult prison to be in so I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish you some comfort. I know the way you feel is not easily healed and can cause that sinking feeling to be there every day no matter what.

 

[Un-]

I wish africans were taught african culture... Rap about pimping women isn't true culture from africa... I saw barely nothing... I wish we gave them back their pride instead to make them feel like they have to immitate the impossible.

I'm sorry that my white race enslaved your people and made you believe that Hitler's ideal of beauty is the only beauty.

Please hate us instead. Unlike you, we deserve it.

Dawg. I'm Black - it doesn't matter, but I feel like I should point it out.
Right, I haven't been what she's been through, but I can say that in your attempt to be politically correct, you're being politically incorrect. Like.. As someone who has listened to rap for years.. They don't talk about pimping. And if they do, I have no idea how you got the sense that it's "African culture" (the phrase doesn't even make sense, because Africa is a continent filled with a lot of races. It's like saying South American culture. The fuck?).

Like.. White people in the past fucked up. True. And the people - both black and white - in her story fucked up big time as well. But.. Y'know.. If I had to compare how many black people felt pride in themselves against those who don't, it would be a 25:1 ratio.

I don't want to minimise her pain. That's not what I'm saying. And I know you have good intentions. But, y'know, we can handle ourselves. "Hating" white people isn't gonna do shit for anyone.

I'm sorry for derailing your thread OP. I'm sorry you went through everything that you did. But like the other comments said, you're so much more than your chocolate skin. I hope one day you come to love yourself as the Queen you are.

 

[Final-push123]

My god I wish I didn't feel this way but I just feel like a freak. The years of male rejection,humiliation especially from guys I loved and years of hurt has made me feel like a total freak and the main cause of the deep self loathing I am tormented by.

I feel so guilty absolutely guilty and replused even for having these feelings I hate having dark brown eyes and black hair I just feel they are dull and boring features I genuinely can not see the beauty at all. I stood up for myself against the builles at school but it has messed me up in so many ways too especially into adulthood. I absolutely hate my features i was born with because constant disrespect, rejection and worst of all being ignored from the boys and men I loved throughout my life.

The black boys in my class always made fun of the black girls appearance I was a regular target of their bullying whereas they were more nicer to the white girls and wanted relationships with them. As a teenager the boys I liked always ended up with girls who were white. I was confident as a teenager but still the boys always ignored me or buillied me because they saw me as freak or worst of didn't want to seen with at me at school because they didn't want to be associated with the school freak. My family said just wear "more makeup boys" like guys who were make up, I wore up make up properly but still the guys ignored me. Being a black teenage girl the jokes about us were norm at school but the white girls were seen as attractive. It was awful witnessing and experiencing.

I used to envy girls with blonde hair and blue eyes because they looked so pretty, had boys like them and their features always stood out whereas me having black hair and dark brown eyes I just felt like my features were so plain and boring. As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was so clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did. She was not even a nice person and actually mean to me.

My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even white seeing him look at her it hurt because I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have boys like you. I wished I was her the attractive blonde girl society and everyone finds attractive and notices.

I have a low weight and obessed with being thinner as I see my body as the only perfect feature I have. I get more compliments over my body. All I know is I am dying at 30 because I finally can't cope anymore with the pain. I used to be so confident and happy but I have no chance of ever being loved. I wish I was born blonde and blue eyed guys will wants me and notice me and I will be loved for once

So are you a black women in a majority white school? If so, then the torment isn't because you "freak" it because humans have a habit of making fun of the minority group.

It pretty f up but people will always gang up on the other in the group based on anything (race, status, money, things, etc)

The best thing to to do is either find a group of people you fit in with and/or shamelessly self love, I hope my words reach you but I fear I have failed the speech check

Why do you wanna CtB by 30?

 

[FireFox]

So are you a black women in a majority white school? If so, then the torment isn't because you "freak" it because humans have a habit of making fun of the minority group.

It pretty f up but people will always gang up on the other in the group based on anything (race, status, money, things, etc)

The best thing to to do is either find a group of people you fit in with and/or shamelessly self love, I hope my words reach you but I fear I have failed the speech check

Why do you wanna CtB by 30?

@Final-push123 No I went to a diverse school that was in a neighbourhood that was high crime and socio-economic issues the school had to have a police officer inside who was always around in the school. The people at school were just arseholes I really struggled with to fit in. I hated my teenage years because of the difficulties I had. The teachers were just weak and useless, my mother even had to come to school at one or twice as the bullying was getting worse.

When I started secondary school my close best friend from primary school she stopped hanging out with me once at school when she got a boyfriend in first term of year 7 and new friends she made in the school. My friend had this amazing social life at school whereas I just struggled to fit in and make friends and got into regular fights fighting back against the arseholes bullying me. I really needed a friend .

The black boys in my class at school always made fun of the black girls appearance whereas they were nicer to the white girls and wanted relationships with them. There was a racist white boy who builled me and the black boys in my class laughed along with him. Only 1 black boy said his behaviour was wrong and he wasn't even in my class. There was one black boy in my most of my classes who absolutely hated me from day one at school and made my life at school absolute hell. He said everyone at school "hated me"

He did it because he hated me because I was a black girl, in one class he said he hated black boys and was even laughing. It was absolutely disturbing.

Black women especially older black women don't even believe me when I say the black boys at school made fun of me, builled me and the other black girls appearance. With mothers like that their sons will probably grow up doing the school bullying and making a black girls life absolute hell at school.

In the UK interracial relationships between black men and white women dating and marrying is very high. Growing up as a teenager I always noticed the England males football team black players they were always in relationships and married to white women the same applies to celebrities and even ordinary black men.

As a black teenage girl that is how I pretty much noticed black men don't really find black women attractive even my own mixed grandmother said " black men really love white women". I used

When 15 years old I was even told by a mixed race boy "black girls have attitude" and he said it to my face.

I am a just product of society. I am antinatalist because the world is poisonous and its better a human being is never born and never existed than to experience everything that wrong, unfair with all that exists in this world or worst of all becomes the villain causing the suffering.

30 I am catching the bus because I am not living through another decade this present one has been awful. My teenage years were not that great and my 20s are a total mess. At 30 no man is going to want me and life is awful after 30. Its too late for me. I am 25 my life is pretty much over.

My 20s being bad means my 30s will be bad, everyone is doing better than me it's embrassing I am a failure. We live in a culture which magnifies youth success within a persons teens and early 20s. I looked at the forbes under 30 list I feel like a loser. Seeing women I grew up getting married or moving in with boyfriends I feel like a failure living with my own mother. My family say they are proud of me. I am nothing to be proud of p

30 is the perfect age for death for me. At 30 you are meant to have it right and it's embrassing to be a failure at that age. I am 25 my life is pretty much over. Life was never for me.

I never belonged in this world I am too different from other women and too different.

 

[Final-push123]

@Final-push123 No I went to a diverse school that was in a neighbourhood that was high crime and socio-economic issues the school had to have a police officer inside who was always around in the school. The people at school were just arseholes I really struggled with to fit in. I hated my teenage years because of the difficulties I had. The teachers were just weak and useless, my mother even had to come to school at one or twice as the bullying was getting worse.

When I started secondary school my close best friend from primary school she stopped hanging out with me once at school when she got a boyfriend in first term of year 7 and new friends she made in the school. My friend had this amazing social life at school whereas I just struggled to fit in and make friends and got into regular fights fighting back against the arseholes bullying me. I really needed a friend .

The black boys in my class at school always made fun of the black girls appearance whereas they were nicer to the white girls and wanted relationships with them. There was a racist white boy who builled me and the black boys in my class laughed along with him. Only 1 black boy said his behaviour was wrong and he wasn't even in my class. There was one black boy in my most of my classes who absolutely hated me from day one at school and made my life at school absolute hell. He said everyone at school "hated me"

He did it because he hated me because I was a black girl, in one class he said he hated black boys and was even laughing. It was absolutely disturbing.

Black women especially older black women don't even believe me when I say the black boys at school made fun of me, builled me and the other black girls appearance. With mothers like that their sons will probably grow up doing the school bullying and making a black girls life absolute hell at school.

In the UK interracial relationships between black men and white women dating and marrying is very high. Growing up as a teenager I always noticed the England males football team black players they were always in relationships and married to white women the same applies to celebrities and even ordinary black men.

As a black teenage girl that is how I pretty much noticed black men don't really find black women attractive even my own mixed grandmother said " black men really love white women". I used

When 15 years old I was even told by a mixed race boy "black girls have attitude" and he said it to my face.

I am a just product of society. I am antinatalist because the world is poisonous and its better a human being is never born and never existed than to experience everything that wrong, unfair with all that exists in this world or worst of all becomes the villain causing the suffering.

30 I am catching the bus because I am not living through another decade this present one has been awful. My teenage years were not that great and my 20s are a total mess. At 30 no man is going to want me and life is awful after 30. Its too late for me. I am 25 my life is pretty much over.

My 20s being bad means my 30s will be bad, everyone is doing better than me it's embrassing I am a failure. We live in a culture which magnifies youth success within a persons teens and early 20s. I looked at the forbes under 30 list I feel like a loser. Seeing women I grew up getting married or moving in with boyfriends I feel like a failure living with my own mother. My family say they are proud of me. I am nothing to be proud of p

30 is the perfect age for death for me. At 30 you are meant to have it right and it's embrassing to be a failure at that age. I am 25 my life is pretty much over. Life was never for me.

I never belonged in this world I am too different from other women and too different.

I am sorry you have to go through that, such trauma during your developmental years will unfortunately have a negative impact on a person's psychology.

Comparing yourself to Forbes under 30 is crazy, 99% of those folks got that way because they had rich parents (not to undermined there work but there just certain things you can't do if you don't have captical early in life). That like calling yourself slow where someone get a place before you become they have a car and you don't, ya know.

As for the dating market in UK, I can't really speak on it I'm across the pond from you. But if black guys don't fancy you, couldn't you date a white guy or some other race? Using myself for example black women generally don't like me, so I simply leave them be and try to date and interaction with other types of women with pretty good results (not so much with dating side tho lol)

As I said before you have to go where you are wanted. Do you have any interests? See if you can find groups that sure your interested on meetup site or the UK based meetup sites.

If you are looking specifically dating advice then sadly I don't have a lot experience with that(who knew charisma and sex appeal was two
different stats?) But from my research women usually have a easier time finding partners then men, I could be wrong though but I haven't really seriously tried dating since 2019 so things might have changed since then

 

[Hollowillow]

Dawg. I'm Black - it doesn't matter, but I feel like I should point it out.
Right, I haven't been what she's been through, but I can say that in your attempt to be politically correct, you're being politically incorrect. Like.. As someone who has listened to rap for years.. They don't talk about pimping. And if they do, I have no idea how you got the sense that it's "African culture" (the phrase doesn't even make sense, because Africa is a continent filled with a lot of races. It's like saying South American culture. The fuck?).

Like.. White people in the past fucked up. True. And the people - both black and white - in her story fucked up big time as well. But.. Y'know.. If I had to compare how many black people felt pride in themselves against those who don't, it would be a 25:1 ratio.

I don't want to minimise her pain. That's not what I'm saying. And I know you have good intentions. But, y'know, we can handle ourselves. "Hating" white people isn't gonna do shit for anyone.

I'm sorry for derailing your thread OP. I'm sorry you went through everything that you did. But like the other comments said, you're so much more than your chocolate skin. I hope one day you come to love yourself as the Queen you are.

Thank you for trying to correct my ignorance of africans, rap & africa. I'm very sorry about that. I think a black person would be the best to help her love herself as a minority in a blond with blue eye culture. I think your last point said it perfectly. She's more than her brown skin, eyes & hairs. She can be beautiful her own way.